The Pants

I have this pair of pants. They are my most favorite pair of pants that I own. There’s just one thing…I’ve only worn them twice. I got them on sale at Old Navy right before I found out that I was pregnant with our second son, Ezra over 3 years ago and I’ve never been able to fit back into them since. Until today. I was standing in front of my closet, trying to find something to wear to a Christmas party tonight when I saw them hanging there. For a split second the thought crossed my mind to try them on. Then I thought “Nah, it’s too soon. I can’t wear them yet." Then I got curious. I wondered how much longer it would be until I could wear them again, so I thought I’d just try them on and see. Can you imagine the exhilaration when they not only slid easily over my thighs, hips and belly, but then I zipped them up with no trouble at all! If I could have, I would have done a cartwheel at that moment. I nearly squealed in delight! As a matter of fact, I think I did. I called for my husband to come see, but he was changing a dirty diaper downstairs. I got too impatient for him to finish, so I nearly floated down the stairs to show him! My son, Judah said… "Oooh Mommy, I like those pants! Do girls wear pants like that too?" I laughed. They’re camouflage. He’s never seen me in them. All of the boys have a pair, but they’ve never seen mommy wear them before. I hugged him and said, “Yes baby, girls can wear these pants too! “ I sauntered back upstairs to take them off to get a shower and then I remembered something. I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for this party all week long. It’s an annual family/friends party that I look forward to each year. Except this year is very different. I’m still on an all liquid diet, so I couldn't eat any of the food that was served. I even made a pasta salad and brownies to bring, but I couldn't eat that either. I spoke with a friend this week who had gastric bypass surgery several years ago right before Christmas just like I did and she was telling me about the emotions that I might go through during this time, especially if I have parties to go to where there will be food. I prepared myself for maybe having to take a timeout in the bathroom to shed a few tears and maybe even cry on the way home. My plan was to make a point to talk to every single person in attendance at this party. I wanted to work my way around to everyone so I wouldn’t be focused so much on the food. But I had something to keep me smiling. Each time I was tempted to have a moment of regret for having the surgery at this particular time and each time I had just a twinge of sadness over not being able to eat, I looked down at my pants and smiled! Thank you Jesus for giving me something to smile about today!

Bottoms Up!

In order to meet my new requirement of 50-60 grams of protein per day, protein shakes are and forever will be a part of my daily routine. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that. I mean there are some really good protein powders and drinks available on the market now and it isn't hard to find them at a reasonable price either, but I've always been the kinda girl who liked to eat my meals, not drink them. But I knew this when I made the decision to have the surgery, so I'm living with the consequences now. The boys are even getting the hang of mommy drinking her protein shakes now. Their used to daddy drinking them, but now I am too! So far I've purchased a vanilla flavor and a natural flavored one that is supposed to not have any taste so you can add it to things like soup and not have the sweet taste, but that's not the case. It's yucky! Blech! I like the vanilla flavor because you can add so much to it. Today I added sugar free Boston creme pie flavored

yogurt to the protein powder along with milk and a few ice cubes and yesterday I added sugar free orange cremesicle flavored yogurt. So, I'm getting the hang of it. But like I said, I'd much rather eat my meal than drink it. Nonetheless, every morning I faithfully make my shake and say these words....Bottoms Up!

It's All Good

I was able to get comfortable enough to snuggle in bed with my husband last night for the first time since surgery 1 week ago and it did my heart good! Especially after reading what I did last evening. During my last pre -op appointment with the Dr. they gave me a booklet that they said would be my “bible” for the time leading up to the surgery and in particular after. Tons of info that I needed to know was contained in this booklet. I read it, but somehow in the busyness of raising 3 boys, I managed to miss 2 entire sections. Very important sections. Things I needed to know. I was reviewing some of the info last night when I discovered these sections. They contained things like….When I begin eating a regular diet about one month after surgery, I should always avoid foods containing sugar, but foods containing artificial sweeteners may increase hunger in some people. Significant constipation is to be expected but I can’t take fiber in a pill form because it can swell in the stomach pouch and cause blockage. Sometimes you can develop a red meat intolerance and you must wait 3 months after surgery before attempting to eat steak. I should no longer take ibuprofen, Motrin, or Advil because they can cause an ulcer. I’m only allowed to take Tylenol for pain. 2 to 3 weeks after surgery, some patients experience a significant drop in their energy level along with irritability or mild depression. This is caused by the body’s attempt to conserve energy as much as possible in the face of severe calorie restriction. This usually lasts a few weeks. Fabulous! (that’s my sarcasm coming out in case you didn’t notice) Like I need a drop in my energy level. I already had a hard time keeping up with the demands of raising a family. And the kicker was this…A high percentage of patients get divorced within the first two years after weight loss surgery. I’ll say this right away. I’m not accepting that. My husband and I have a strong marriage that is rooted and grounded in Christ and were fully committed and dedicated to each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And sometimes, the very very ugly! So this time in our lives is no different. But still. I didn’t need to read that to put doubt in my mind. When I read that, I kept it to myself until Tom put the boys to bed, and then I laid it on him. We talked, I cried, he reassured me, we prayed. And then we snuggled. Life was good once again. I love this man!

Baby I'm On My Way

On December 9, 2009 at 12:40 p.m. my wish for a better life was granted. The nurses wheeled into the operating room a woman who has tried all there was to try and still remained overweight. Morbidly obese is the medical term they used. Who me? Morbidly obese? No way! you might say. Yep. That's me. Or at least for now, but not for long. An hour and a half later, they wheeled me out, a woman with hope! I underwent the Lap-Band surgery - Not to be confused with Gastric Bypass surgery, there are many differences. In this procedure, the surgeon made four small 1/2 inch incisions and one larger 3 inch incision and laproscopically inserted an adjustable band around my stomach while keeping all of my organs in tact. This band, creates a smaller pouch for my food to flow into, remaining there and keeping me full until it slowly goes through into the larger stomach area. The band is adjustable with saline injections.

OK, so that's all the technical stuff you need to know. If you'd like to learn more, visit http://www.lapband.com/

My hope in creating this blog is to bring awareness and to share my journey with as many as will follow. I'll be sharing my ups and downs, my good days and bad. With just a little bit of humor, I hope to bring to light the plight of many Americans...food addiction in varying forms and of course, overeating. I'd love to get lots of feedback, particularly if something I share touches you in some way, or even makes you chuckle. I'm not sure how long this journey will take or if I'll ever be "finished" with this weight battle, but I'm opening up and making myself vulnerable. I hope to document this whole process so that someday I will be able to look back and just "remember". I'd love for my children someday to be able to read this too and maybe gain some insight into why their mommy is the way she is.

So, with much prayer and much thought.....BABY I'M ON MY WAY!!!!!