I sat up with a start as my breath caught in my throat. There was darkness all around me. I looked to my right and to my left and breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the alarm clock glaring back at me. 3:08 a.m. Whew! I laid my head back on the pillow, wiped the sweat from my brow and breathed a sigh of relief. It was just another dream. Another stupid dream. I’ve been having a lot of them lately. And they are all the same. In each one I’m surrounded by ridiculous amounts of food and I’m gorging myself while others are watching in disgust. In this one, I was at the Kelsh’s annual Christmas Eve party
at their home. I got the sense that my family was there too, as we always are, but I didn’t care where they were during this particular stretch of time. All I cared about was the food. And there was lots of it. I mean lots. Inside and outside, upstairs and down. The grill was going outside, there was BBQ chicken, hot dogs, burgers, shrimp kabobs. A cotton candy machine was going. And inside, the same. Cakes, pies, brownies, crock pots full of food, meatballs, cheese platters, soups, casseroles, a turkey, an array of dips, you name it. It was there. I had a plate and it was loaded with food so that it was almost falling off, but I just kept piling more on. People were trying not to stare, but it was hard for them. There were whispers, snickers….And that’s when I woke up! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find rest even in my sleep? Am I subconsciously afraid of what people think of me? Have I ever been at a social gathering where I had too much on my plate and people looked at me in disgust? I’m usually careful. If you look at me, it’s obvious that I’m overweight, but I always tried really hard not to overdo it in front of people. I’ve always saved it for when I’m alone. And that got me wondering. Are other people the same way? Do others do things that are not particular "sinful" but they would only do it when their alone like, maybe..... overeating or picking their nose or "letting one rip?" Haha, did I really just write that? It must be the lack of food and sleep affecting me now. I guess we all do things like that, huh? Would anyone care to admit it? Hmmm......who's brave enough to tell me? Anyone? I'm waiting......
Who Determines What is Beautiful?
1 hour ago