Monday, December 14, 2009
Today I cried for the first time since my surgery 5 days ago. Actually I’m quite surprised that it took this long considering my tendency to shed a tear at the drop of a hat. I cry when I’m happy, sad, angry, irritated. You name it. I’m an emotional person by nature. That’s just the way God made me. Anyhow, it’s been 6 days since I’ve had anything solid to eat, and well....I'M HUNGRY! The doctor doesn't do the first adjustment on my band until 6 weeks post surgery so for now my stomach is basically the same size it was before surgery. The strained fat free cream soups and sugar free jello just aren’t cutting it anymore. I was attempting to sit down to enjoy my ½ cup of watery fat free cream of potato soup while the rest of my family ate their normal lunches that I used to be able to eat. I was on my third phone call of the day, trying to get some appointments scheduled and get some things accomplished. You know... multitasking. Things moms manage to do every day. The boys were interrupting me and I couldn’t concentrate. I was getting irritated. I’m not sleeping well, I can’t seem to get comfortable no matter what I try and I’m sensing just the slightest bit of agitation coming from my husband. The sympathy is finally wearing off and he’s getting tired too. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave the room. I went upstairs, slammed my bedroom door like a hormonal teenager and the river started flowing. It felt good to get it out. It was like poison coming out of me, the frustration and feelings of sadness of what I’ve given up to gain a better me. And then the coughing started. Oh great! I’m quite familiar with what coughing can do to someone whose just had abdominal surgery being that I’ve had 2 c-sections. Oh the pain! I tried to just let out little coughs, but noooooo they were coming out like hacking, coughing up a lung kind of coughs. I grabbed my little 4 ounce cup of water that I was allowed to have by my bedside to take a drink and finally it subsided. I collapsed onto my pillow, exhausted. And then it came over me. Peace. The knowledge that everything is going to be alright. Just in the nick of time Papa came through! I slept for 2 solid hours, not tossing and turning once. And now as I’m writing this, it’s 10:00 at night and I’ve made it through one more day!
It was 3 days after my surgery and it was time for the boys to eat lunch. My husband, who has taken a week off from work to take care of me, the kids and manage the household was in the kitchen preparing their meal. While he settled them into their seats at the dining room table, I quietly made my way into the living room to avoid the torture of watching them eat. At this point, I was only on the 2nd day of a 14 day all liquid diet to help my body recover from the surgery. The boys were happily munching away on their grilled cheese sandwiches and “gasp!” my all time favorite salty snack…Gibble’s Cheese Puffy’s! I did all I could to avoid hearing the crunch crunch of those little cheese coated bits of heaven. I flipped through a magazine, I turned up the volume on the t.v., I fiddled with ornaments on the Christmas tree. I was doing alright. I was managing to keep myself under control until………………..all 3 boys finished at the same time and they all wanted their hands and faces wiped simultaneously. Tom, who was doing his best to keep the cheesy madness under control, needed my help. I bravely walked into the dining room and grabbed a wipe. I reached down to begin cleaning Ezra’s hands and face when all of a sudden time stood still! It was just me and those cheese infested hands calling out to me! The urge was so great. I could barely resist it. I wanted to lick the cheese right off of his little fingers and before I could help myself, I blurted it out…”Ezra, you don’t know how bad mommy wants to lick your fingers right now!” Oh how he giggled. He’s 2 and these things amuse a 2 year old. So, do you know what he did? He held his little sin-filled hands up to me and said “Lick em, Mommy! Lick em!” How dare he? Does he know what pain I’m in? I was able to maintain composure and assured him that I was just kidding and somehow I managed to get him cleaned up and sent him on his way! This left me reeling! How could I be so addicted to a food as to only be 5 days without it and wanting to lick my child’s fingers just to get a taste? I’m reminded of the scripture in the bible... Mark 7:27 and 28 But Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.
And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children's crumbs.
I was reminded once again that if I’m going to make it through this journey, it’s going to be only because of Jesus and His strength in me! Let us pray……..