My neighbor from across the street who has Master, the dog whom my boys love brought over a huge and I mean H.U.G.E. platter of cookies this evening. We were all upstairs in the boys room watching a movie when we heard the knock on the door. I was already in my pajamas for the night, so Tom went to answer it. After I heard it close, I curiously made my way down the stairs to see who it was. And then I saw it. I promptly turned myself right back around, walked back up the stairs to my bedroom, shut the door (I didn’t slam it this time!), flung myself on my bed, buried my head in my pillow and began sobbing! “Why, oh why did I choose to have this surgery?” “And why did I choose to have it NOW during the most difficult time of year to eat healthy?” Of course I already knew the answers to these questions, but in that moment, all logic went out the window. I chose to have this surgery because I’ve tried everything else with no results, mostly because of my own lack of self control, and I chose to have it now because of insurance. We’ve already met our deductible for the year and if I waited until the beginning of the year, we would have to pay significantly more than we did by having it now. But like I said, all logic was lost. I’ve done so good. But today was hard. Not just after the cookies, but earlier. I think it was because I was feeling somewhat stressed, but I really, really, really wanted something sweet to eat today. I was having a hard time concentrating on anything else except for my craving for something sweet. Then I visited my mother in law, who on my way out the door, went to her freezer and pulled out a coconut cream cake to give to my husband. It’s one of his favorites. I don’t even like coconut but hey, it was something sweet and that’s what I wanted. I made it through watching my family chow down on that cake after dinner. I made it through the rest of the evening. And then the cookies. I wanted to explode! I even said to my husband, “Do you think I could blend one of those up in my protein shake?” He was unenthusiastic about that idea. Now, as I’m sitting here typing this with tears streaming down my cheeks, the cookies are mysteriously absent. They are nowhere to be found. I looked for them when I came back downstairs after putting the boys to bed, but I couldn’t find them. I think Tom took pity on me and did something with them. He’s doing everything he knows to do to help me and I appreciate that more than words could say. But oh how I really want a cookie right now!
1 hour ago