Fish Face

You can just call me “Fish Face” from now on. Why? you ask. I’ve fallen in love with a new food that I never liked before. Tuna. Yuck, you might say. I used to say the same thing. But now that I’m limited in what I can eat I’ve found a new appreciation for some foods. And tuna is one of them. I don’t eat it plain, but I love it mixed with some celery, a hard boiled egg, fat free sour cream, and just a tad bit of mustard. Add some salt and pepper, and it’s almost scrumptious! The best part about it is that it’s packed with protein! I am discovering over and over again the power of protein. One ¼ cup serving of tuna alone has 13 grams of protein! That’s a lot. And then when mixed with the hard boiled egg, that’s 7 more grams. Holy Canoli! That’s huge! Even though I only have 2 days left of the “soft foods” stage of my post surgery diet, I can guarantee you that tuna will continue to be a staple for me. I love it! I had it for dinner last night, lunch today and then dinner again. But there’s just one thing…..Note to self: remember to brush your teeth after eating tuna before attempting to give your husband a big wet sloppy kiss! I’m just sayin!

Labels

I admit it. I never read food labels before. I didn’t care to know how much fat, calories, carbohydrates, sugar and protein was in the food I was eating. All I needed to know were 2 things….Did it taste good? And did it satisfy my craving at the time? If it fell into one of those categories, I ate it. It’s as simple as that. But shortly before my surgery, I slowly started reading the labels in anticipation for what I knew I would have to do afterwards. It started out just checking how much protein was in something because that was the main requirement that my doctor gave me. I knew I would have to consume 50-60 grams of protein per day. And admittedly, I only did that because I knew I had to, not because I wanted to. But something has happened to me since I’ve been weighing myself and seeing the number on the scales go down and down and down. I’ve started to want to know what I’m putting in my body. You know the old saying, You are what you eat? There’s some truth to that. I ate foods with lots of fat in them and I was umm, well, let’s just say…..FAT! What I’ve discovered in this new obsession of mine is that sometimes if you just make small changes, they can add up big time! For example, we used to use the Great Value brand of butter flavored pancake syrup. I did the switch gradually, first changing to reduced calorie, then finally to sugar free syrup of the same brand. My family never noticed the difference. Here is the difference in the nutritional information for ¼ cup serving size. Calories….regular syrup-188, sugar free syrup-35. Carbohydrates….regular syrup-50g, sugar free syrup-11g. Sugar….regular syrup-27g, sugar free-0g, These numbers add up in the long run.
I’ve made another small change as well. For the "soft foods" stage that I’m on right now, one thing that I’m allowed to have and that I love is chicken salad. I’ve been having it every day for lunch. But what is the main ingredient in chicken salad other than chicken? Mayonnaise. Anyone knows that mayonnaise is high in fat. So I’ve made a compromise. Again, I did this gradually. I am now using fat free sour cream instead of mayonnaise. I started by taking away just a little bit of the mayonnaise at a time and adding more sour cream until I was using the sour cream entirely. Here is the nutritional breakdown for these two…Hellman's’s Real Mayonnaise and Great Value Fat Free Sour Cream
2 tablespoons of mayo has 180 calories. The same amount of the sour cream has 25 calories. The mayo has 20 g of fat and the sour cream 0. The mayo does have less carbohydrates than the sour cream at 0 for the mayo and 6 for the sour cream. The mayo however has no protein and the sour cream 2 g. So you can see overall the sour cream is much healthier. And honestly, your not sacrificing flavor. I know this is the boring stuff, and if I were reading something like this before surgery, I would have just skimmed over it, not paying much attention, but now that I’m on the fast track to a healthier me, this is very interesting to me. And I hope it is to you too. My hope is that if you get anything out of this, it’s that there are little changes that we can make every day to be healthier and make better choices. Better choices for ourselves and our families. It is my goal to teach my children while their young the value of eating healthy so that when they are adults, they don’t have to go through some of the same struggles I have. Remember, just one small change each day can lead to a lifetime of health! Read your labels!

He Bottles My Tears

It’s Friday night (the only way I know this is because I just checked the calendar to be sure) and I haven’t done my hair, put on makeup or been out of my pajamas since Monday when I went to the gym. I mean I’ve taken a shower every night after I put the boys to bed, but somehow the next day in the busyness of taking care of 3 boys I never managed to find enough time to myself to get dressed and put myself together. I ddn’t expect my week to be like this. I had plans a couple times, but they never happened. Oh, there was that day when I went outside with the boys for 20 minutes to build a snowman. I forgot about that. This sucks. I can really feel a difference this week in my mood and energy level. I guess this is what the book my Dr. gave me was referring to. It has been 3 ½ weeks since the surgery, so I guess this is what I should have expected. I just thought somehow that I might skip this period of my body adjusting to the extreme restriction in calories. I’m wondering how long it will last. And to top it off, I somehow managed to pick up this cold that all 3 of my boys have had. I feel horrible. And you know, I don’t feel like anyone understands. I have acquaintances who have gone through this surgery, but no one close enough to really talk to about the ugly stuff you go through after. And none of them had a family to hold together afterwards either. It was just them and their spouse. I have only regretted, I mean truly regretted the surgery once since having it. Well, now twice. Today is one of those times. I just keep thinking in my head that if I could have just shown some self restraint in my food choices and more motivation in working out, maybe I could have done it without surgery. I don’t know. Maybe I could have, maybe not. But it’s done now. There’s no going back. No use in even thinking about it. It’s just that I’m so tired. So sad. Oh God, I hate this! I need your help if I’m going to make it! This is not how I wanted my new year to begin. This day was supposed to be full of joy. Full of hope for the future. But instead I’m wallowing in self pity. And bawling my eyes out. And making enough snot to last a whole year! I wish my husband were here right now. I wish he didn’t have to work tonight. I want him to just scoop me in his arms, hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. But he’s not. It’s just me and the computer. And God is here somewhere. I know He is. I just can’t feel him right now. But I’m not going to give up. I can’t. If it were just me, I might. But it’s not. I have my husband and my 3 boys to keep me going. So for them I will. I won’t give up. I’ll push through this and I will survive! And tomorrow will be another day. And hopefully a better one! For now I’m going to go read my bible and maybe I’ll feel God speak to me in His still small voice reminding me that He has never left me and He never will and maybe that will be enough for me for tonight. And maybe, just maybe tomorrow I’ll get out of my pj’s and get out of this house!

Psalm 56:8 (The Message)

You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

Bye Bye Bye Bye My Baby (FAT) Bye Bye

I’m not a country girl. And I’m really not a country music girl. I much prefer urban gospel as my style of music to jam to. But the other day when I weighed myself, I remembered a song from way way waaaay back in my B.C. years. That’s Before Christ for those of you who aren’t well versed in “christianese lingo”. I’ve lost 19 lbs. That puts me at the exact weight that I was before I became pregnant with Ezra almost 3 ½ years ago and then with Hezekiah almost immediately after. Now, I certainly was overweight before becoming pregnant, but those two pregnancies took their toll on my body. No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t shed those extra pounds that I put on. The “baby fat’. Until now. And this brings me to the song I was talking about. This being the last day of 2009, I’m finding myself getting all nostalgic and if I could think of an anthem to end my year with, it would be this…..Bye Bye Bye Bye My Baby (Fat) Bye Bye! The song is by Jo Dee Messina and I looked it up on Youtube and found the lyrics. While she was referring to a lover in this song, it spoke to me in reference to the weight I’m leaving behind this year and hopefully so much more in 2010. So, here are some of the words to the song. I’m changing some of them to fit my current situation……

…Well it's been long enough
Time is up…

Bye bye FAT, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine ....
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye

Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4

I've seen the light...

Bye bye FAT, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine ....
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye


Bye bye, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back.
You can count on that.
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

http://

You Talkin To Me?

I know I’m not the only one that this has ever happened to, but has anyone ever been in church and you felt like there was no one else there but you and the Pastor? Like he was talking just to you? I ‘ve had these experiences before and this past Sunday, Dec 27,2009 was one of them. I think I’ll never forget it. My pastor, Pastor Greijack was talking about the Christmas story, but in a way I’ve never thought about it before. He talked about Mary. About the circumstances in which Jesus Christ, our savior came to this earth. He was born in a stable! There were no doctors or midwives, no epidurals, no medical equipment to monitor contractions. Just Joseph and Mary on a dirty stable floor and the moonlight shining through the walls. It was a labor of love. Can you imagine the pain and panic that swept over them? Can you wrap your mind around it? Can you imagine if that was the circumstances in which you had to give birth? I cannot fathom it. But Mary knew something. And so did Joseph. They had a promise. They had a dream! And so they had great courage and faith in their Heavenly Father! Have you ever been given a promise from God? Have you ever had a dream that you know was placed inside of you by Him? And have you ever had the circumstances around you work against that promise and that dream? I have. I am experiencing it now. I’ve only spoken this dream out loud to just a small handful of people closest to me, but I figure I’ve already made myself pretty vulnerable already so I might as well go all the way. It has been my desire since I was in 6th grade to be a published author. My passion is writing. If I was smart, I would have pursued this desire after high school, but I had other things in mind at the time. So now here I am, 31 years old with no training in this area. I know it takes more than training, it takes talent. And I believe I have that, but the fear of my lack of training and education has held me back. There’s that dirty four letter word again…FEAR. But this past Sunday, I felt hope rising. Courage taking root. At the end of the message, our pastor said something that struck a nerve deep within me. What I have inside of me, this desire, is from my Daddy. He started it and birthed it and He will finish it! HE’S my baby’s daddy! Right before the birth of something extraordinary is usually the greatest obstacle that you will face. But just like Mary, even though the circumstances didn’t seem right for her to birth this miracle that was placed inside of her, the circumstances around me don’t seem right for my dream to come true. But she kept walking. Her and Joseph, hand in hand until they found the stable. And this is what my pastor said that struck a nerve within me. I’m just supposed to keep walking. And while I’m walking, God is working! Keep walking. Keep writing. He’s working! I’m about to give birth to the greatest miracle of my life so far. And I’ve had some pretty incredible miracles in my life. But nothing is impossible for God! I want you to be encouraged too. What’s your dream? What do you feel God has placed inside of you? It’s not impossible for Him to fulfill it! I’ve listened to this message from Sunday 5 times today and each time, I feel my faith rising. I say YES LORD to your will for my life. Whatever it is in this area, let it be done!

Listen to the message for yourself. It's titled Pain and Panic

http://http://www.freshfiremedia.mypodcast.com/

I've Got A Case Of P.M.S

I'll just say up front that the chaos of this blog post is indicative of the mood I'm in. I can't quite get these pictures where I want them, so I'm just leaving them where they are. Hope they make you laugh anyway!

I've had a bad day and I've got a case of P.M.S. You know, "Poor Me Syndrome"

I haven't been able to clean in awhile and I cleaned all day today. I mean ALL DAY! I started at 9:00 this morning, worked all the way through lunch and naptime, stopped at 6:00 to sit down for a few minutes, then went to the grocery store and now at 10:00 tonight, I'm still not finished.

I'll just be honest. I feel like crap. Is an Elder's wife allowed to say that word? Well I just did! I've been a grouch all day and I've taken it out on my whole family. I don't think they even want to be around me right now.

Anyone else ever had a day like this? A day when you can't stand even to be around yourself? That's how I feel. I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and forget this day ever happened.

And I want some comfort food! Cheese curls, chocolate, potato chips, Krumpes donuts, a Big Mac and some fries, a pepsi, some spaghetti.......Anything! But noooooo, I'll have to settle for my little 1/2 cup of applesauce!

I told you in the beginning that I was going to share my good days and bad, so I'm sharing a bad one with you today. How about lets toast to a better day tomorrow, huh? Cheers!

S.W.E.A.T

I have this thing about sweat. I hate it. It’s gross. I hate how I feel when I sweat. But tonight it felt so good! I was able to exercise for the first time since my surgery. I wanted so bad to get on the elliptical and see if I could just jump right back in where I left off 3 weeks ago, but I’m still on restricted activity, so I walked on the treadmill instead. I walked for 30 minutes at 3.0 miles per hour for a total of 1.5 miles. And the sweat felt good. While I was walking, I couldn’t help but look around the room and see all the different people there. There was quite a mix of people all at varying degrees of fitness and health. There were, of course, the macho jocks trying to impress whoever would notice them, middle aged men and women just trying to shed some of the excess holiday weight, thirty somethings, young teenagers and of course, the thorns in my side since I started exercising 2 years ago…..the skinny girls. You know, if I’m going to be really honest, I don’t like them. They make me feel intimidated, inferior. But then I got to thinking, I don’t know what price they have paid to get to where they are. And their journey is not my journey. So, as hard as it was to do, I just started focusing on myself and how far I’ve come already. As I looked down at my feet, the realization came to me that each stride I was taking was bringing me one step closer to where I want to be. And that made me feel proud. Maybe one day I’ll be a skinny girl too and maybe I won’t. And you know, I’m ok with that. But one thing I will be is healthier than I was before. But I don't think I'll ever get used to this sweating thing!