He's still workin' on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still workin' on me.

There really ought to be a sign upon my heart,
"Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part."
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

He's still workin' on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still workin' on me.

In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

He's still workin'on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still workin' on me.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Rachel's Cry

Isn't it funny how God works? I never cease to be amazed at how he moves in my life!
I've been feeling rather ungrateful lately. Been complaining a lot. I know it can be dangerous, but nonetheless I've been finding myself murmuring more than my fair share. The danger in it is that it can lead to a discontented heart and a discontented heart can cause you to do and say things that you'll regret later.
This morning while attempting to get my shower and get dressed while at the same time trying rather unsuccessfully to keep my 3 sons from hurting each other as they fought over toys, I was half talking to myself and half talking to God. I was trying to remember what my life was like 6 years ago when I wanted so desperately to have children but had been given a rather gloomy outlook on that prospect from my doctor. I was thinking to myself that if I could just get a faint glimpse back into what that felt like that maybe, just maybe it would help me to be more grateful for the blessings that God has given me in my 3 sons. While I was going through that 5 year time frame of miscarriages and infertility, it seemed like an eternity to me. In fact as I write this, I can't help but think to myself that it had to have been longer than 5 years, but it really wasn't. Now, looking back, I see that it wasn't really all that long in the grand scheme of things, but during that time, I felt like I was going to die of a broken heart if I had to wait one more month to try to get pregnant again.
I remember writing a lot during that time. I've always been a writer, but I find that I write more when I'm feeling tortured. Guess that's the sign of a true creative person, huh? At the time we didn't own a computer and I wasn't very good at saving things, so regretfully I don't have much in the way of mementos from that time in my life. I remember thinking this morning that it would be so neat to come across something that I wrote during that time to maybe help remind me of the longing that I felt for my home to be full of children. No such luck, I thought.
As the day went on, I was looking for my husband's misplaced camera anywhere I thought he might have left it when I saw a stray piece of paper sticking out of the bottom of the basket I was searching through. This particular basket is filled with instruction manuals for all of our various electronic gadgets as well as pamphlets that I've gathered along my journey on different attractions that I'd like to visit as a family. The stray piece of notebook paper that was obviously ripped from a notebook was out of place and caught my eye. I grabbed it and opened it and this is what it said.....

Dear Pastors Jason and Shannon (our ministers of music),

The Lord showed me something during our time of worship at choir practice last week and I wanted to share it with you. A few weeks ago when you mentioned "the cry of Rachel" (taken from Genesis 30:1), it spoke to me, but I don't think I really got it down in my spirit right away. You said that our heart's cry should be for spiritual babies and I while I completely agreed with you, something didn't click inside of me until God showed me this. As you know, it is my desire to have children. In the last year it has become a deep burning longing in me. I want it so badly. I have the "Cry of Rachel"..."Lord, give me children or let me die!" I know how Rachel felt. I know how uncomfortable it feels. I know the tears she must have cried and the pain she must have felt. I've cried those same tears and I've felt that same pain. I know the aching emptiness of barrenness. I know how she must have felt when others around her were having children and her womb remained empty. I feel just like she felt. God spoke to me so clearly. He said..."Andrea, you know how it feels to have the cry of Rachel in the physical realm. That is the exact way I want you to feel in the spiritual realm". That is the same agonizing cry He wants in all of our hearts. Lord, give me spiritual babies or let me die! He wants us to be uncomfortable and to do everything we can to have spiritual babies.

I am in awe of how God speaks to us so clearly. He can use anything to teach us a lesson.



Wow! I cried as I read that little note. It was just the reminder that I needed and right on time too. Tonight as I prayed with my boys and tucked them into their beds, I hugged them a little tighter, and kissed them a little longer. They are blessings, absolute miracles from God and I never want to forget what He's done for me. We're leaving for a family vacation in just a few short days and I'm going to savor every moment I have with them. You should do the same. Snuggle with your husband, read a story to your children, call your friends and tell them how much they mean to you. Pray for those who have done you wrong. And always be ready to share the love of Christ with a stranger in the grocery store or gas station or hospital waiting room. Ask God to give you the cry of Rachel...Lord, give me children or let me die!


Michelle Ross said...

My sweet Andrea,
This was so beautiful it brought me to tears at work! I remember vividly still those days I felt such heartache, and your writing reminded me of it. Though many days I don't even think of the miscarriages and unsuccessful months of trying, I am glad to be reminded. I too find myself being pulled away from the girls at time thinking the bills or e-mail or sending pictures or such are more important. I need to remind myself when they are screaming that not only did we ask for this, we begged and prayed for it! Thank you for continuing to help me remember something that makes me praise God every day. Love you...

Tamera @ the Stone Fence Cottage said...

You know i totally get what you were experincing during that time! Been there.......

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