Somewhere along the way I became the mommy I said I never would become. I think you know the one I'm talking about....The mama who says "NO" to her children's requests to go outside and play because "I don't feel like cleaning up a mess if you get dirty."The mom whose reply is "I don't have time right now, I have to cook dinner" when her son asks her to read him a story. The mother who says to her children "Please go play, I need to finish up something on the computer ." The mommy who says "Not now" when her child asks her to play a game with him. The mommy who barely takes her eyes off of the newspaper to look at her son when he says "Look at me, Mommy" or "Watch this, Mommy." The kind of mommy who worries constantly about how dirty her house is and spends endless hours telling her children to pick up their toys. Or who spends hours on end scrubbing, disinfecting and organizing all the while her children are playing by themselves. The woman who looks like she has it all together on the outside with the perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect husband, and perfect family, but who on the inside is a hot mess! How selfish I have become. I told God I would never take them for granted if He would bless me with children. How quickly I have forgotten. I have forgotten all those agonizing months and years of infertility. I have forgotten the moments of begging and pleading with God through tears to please place His trust in me and give me children. "I won't let you down, God", I said. I'm afraid I have. The only thing I can take comfort in is that it's not too late to change the kind of mama I am. My oldest is still only 5 and at the end of each day, all my boys still willingly give me hugs and kisses and say "I love you so much mommy." That gives me hope. And courage. Courage to change. Courage to ask God for His forgiveness and to help me to be the kind of mom that pleases Him. It won't happen overnight, I know. But I am dedicating myself to change. Will you ask yourself this question..."Am I the kind of mom that pleases God or is there room for change in my life?" Let's work on this together, shall we?
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