During the past month or so I've had several occasions to go out to eat with other people at restaurants, birthday parties, and other events. At each of these events, I have been surrounded by people who know about my current "situation". They all know I've had lap band surgery. And I hate it. It's not enjoyable for me at all. Whether it's really the case or whether it's all in my head, I feel like people are staring at me. Like they are watching just what and how much I put on my plate and how quickly I shovel it in. And the questions. Stop with the questions already. Well, no I really don't want people to stop asking questions. But if you really want to know, send me an email, call me, stop me in the hall at church. Don't ask me while I'm TRYING to enjoy what little bit of food I'm supposed to eat. It's a constant reminder to me that I'm different than they are now. And so what if I have more food on my plate than you think I should have. It's my business, not yours. I've said it before and it bears repeating. I had surgery on my stomach, not my brain. Actually a dear friend of mine who had gastric bypass surgery several years ago first introduced me to that phrase. But it bears much truth. I struggle on a daily basis with how much to eat. Even though my stomach says "I'm full" my brain still sometimes tells me to eat. I am an emotional eater. I always have been and I don't know how to change that. Actually I believe it's impossible without God's help. And you know, I haven't been depending on Him lately like I should. I've been trying to do it within my own power. And I'm failing miserably. For the past week, I've known that I have an appointment this week for a second fill on my band and each day that the scale is stuck at the same weight, I wince. I so want to break that plateau that I've been at. I've been attempting to go on an all liquid diet for a day or two hoping to jump start my progress again. Each day starts out good enough. I make it through breakfast with a protein shake and some days even lunch is good. But then dinnertime comes, and then the dreaded evening and nighttime hours alone while my husband is at work. I hate it. I'm so lonely and all I want to do is eat. And some nights I do. Some I don't. I need a breakthrough. Somehow I need God to do something in me to break this hold that food has on me. It's debilitating at times. And it hasn't gone away with surgery. Sure it subsided for awhile, but it's raring it's ugly head back full force. Pray for me please. And please please please stop staring at me while I eat!
Are ya glad I'm back?
