This Is Only A Test

Remember when you were a kid and you were watching your favorite cartoon and this popped up on the screen? Annoying, right? I know. Well now that I'm an adult, it's no less annoying than it was way back then. But I was thinking about something today. I kinda wish I could see this screen flash in front of me right before I'm getting ready to go through a difficult time in my life just so I could be warned that something is coming. BEEP.....THIS IS ONLY A TEST.....BEEP.....BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP............It might help. You know, just so I could be prepared.
In case you haven't noticed, it's been a little while since I've blogged. I've been going through something. My heart is hurting. And I really haven't had much to say. I've tried. But nothing comes. So I'm not going to force it. It's taken me almost an hour just to write this much. I'd appreciate your prayers as I walk through this valley. I'm on my way up, it's just going to take some time. I've hit a speed bump in my journey and right now I feel like I'm down for the count, but I will make it. And hopefully, I will pass this test!

Pay It Forward

You've probably seen the movie. And you probably went through an entire box of tissues too, didn't you? For those who haven't seen the movie "Pay It Forward", the premise is this....a Social Studies teacher gives his students an extra credit activity that is supposed to last the entire shcool year long. The challenge is to think of an idea to change our world- and put it into action. An 11 year old boy comes up with an idea to do something out of the ordinary for 3 people and tells them not to pay him back in return. But instead, do something for 3 more people and so on and so on. The movie gets a little more complicated than that, but that's the basic story line. I watched the movie several years ago and was deeply touched by it.

Yesterday on the way home from the gym, we were listening to the radio and a sound byte came on from a program that was to air later in the day. In the clip, the host was talking about kindness. He said that the world we live in right now is very unkind. No big revelation there. But he went further. He challenged the listeners to do something kind for someone today. Something that would make them scratch their heads and wonder why a perfect stranger would do something nice for them. He talked about how this would most assuredly open up the door to share the love of Christ with that person. It stuck with me. I thought about it all day. I wondered what I could do. But you know, these things can't be planned. They just happen. You just need to seize the moment when it presents itself.

I was at Wal Mart later in the day buying some snacks for the boys and their friends who would be coming over for movie night. I was in the checkout line and an elderly man was in front of me. He looked to be about in his 80's I would guess. I could see that he had his prescription medicine in his hand. When he laid it on the counter, he had a coupon to use for it. The next few seconds seemed like they lasted an eternity in my mind. For a split second, I thought about paying for his medicine for him, but then I thought to myself "How much would it cost?, What if he was offended by my offer? What would the people around me think?" In that split second it took for me to doubt myself, the cashier gave him his total and he swiped his card through the machine. My heart fell to the floor, it seemed. I missed my opportunity. It came and went before I even had the chance to do anything. But then something happened. I heard the cashier say these words..."Sir, could you please swipe your card again, you did it backwards." I nearly fell over. But this time I didn't waste any time. I immediately put my hand on his shoulder and said "Sir, I want to do something for you. I'd like to pay for your medicine and I want to tell you that Jesus loves you." I could see the tears welling up in his eyes as he asked me why I would do that for him. I simply said that someone was once kind to me in the checkout at Wal Mart and I wanted to pass that kindness along to him and I wanted him to know that God cared about him. He was crying now. One little old lonely man. Crying in the checkout at Wal Mart. All because someone was willing to give up $22.04 to pay for his medicine. He stumbled over his words as he told me "thank you" and he said the sweetest words to me. He said "Honey, the Lord will bless you for this. He really will. He really will. God bless you." I was crying at this point. He grabbed his things as I took care of his bill and shuffled out the door, shaking his head and wiping at his tears. I turned to the cashier as she completed the transaction and then proceeded to ring through my purchases. She was almost speechless except to say that it was so kind and thoughtful of me to do something like that. I caught a glimpse of the gentleman behind me smiling as well. I simply said to her that I just wanted to repay the kindness that was shown to me.

It hit me as I loaded my bags into the trunk of my car. Not only did God give me the opportunity to do something kind for a lonely old man who is probably living on a very limited income, but he allowed two other people to witness it, possibly restoring their faith in the kindness of strangers and in a God who cares about every detail of our lives. How thankful I am to have had this opportunity. You know, there have been times in my life, some recently, where $22.04 was a huge amount of money to me. And I wouldn't have even had that amount to bless someone with. I mean, that would buy a box of diapers, or put gas in my car, or buy some socks and t shirts for my boys. But recently, my husband and i have been blessed financially and it felt better than I can even put into words to be able to do this.

So, I want to put this challenge out there. Do something kind for someone today. My opportunity came in this form, but yours may be different. You may have the chance to shovel someone's walk for them, or carry someone's groceries to their car, or make a meal for a sick friend. How about paying for the meal for the person behind you in the drive thru at McDonald's and tell the cashier to hand them a note simply saying Jesus loves you. Think about it. And ask God to give you an opportunity. And then when it comes, don't think about it, just do it. Don't hesitate. Seize the moment. And see what God will use you to do.

And let me know about it. I'd like for you to send me a message telling me about what happened.

May you be encouraged and inspired to make a difference in the life of a stranger!

Eye Candy

Continuing with my knack for giving you TMI, I just have to tell you about a new website I found. It's my new favorite. You should check it out. Well, if your married, you should check it out. If your not married, don't. Really don't. But if you are, have at it! It's

www.yandy.com

I love lingerie. And like most married women, over the years I have accumulated a small collection. You know, pieces I've bought for special occasions like Valentine's Day, anniversaries and romantic weekend getaways. But I've always been somewhat picky in my choice of such intimate apparel. It's not that I don't absolutely love those hot little numbers that make you blush and cover your little boys eyes when you walk past Victoria's Secret in the mall or that you drool over and wish you would look as hot in as those Frederick's of Hollywood models. It's just that, well ....g -strings, bustiers, corsets, and fishnet thigh highs with black lace garter belts just aren't made for women over a certain weight. And until lately, I've been over that "certain weight." But look out now! I'm not the same size I was anymore and I'm ready to spice up my collection! And my hunky husband is in for the time of his life! I've had so much fun these past few days perusing this website and deciding what to buy. It's almost like I'm preparing for my honeymoon all over again! I can't wait until my package arrives!
Oh, just one more thing....the prices are amazing! They have standard and plus sizes. For now I still fall into the plus size category. You know most plus size clothing is typically way more expensive than skinny girl sizes. But not at this website. The plus sizes are reasonably priced too. I picked out 6 pieces and got away with spending less than $100! If you spend over $70, shipping is free. Amazing, right? So check it out! And give your honey a late Valentine's Day present that he will never ever forget! Go ahead, you know you want to!

Sneakin Out

You should see me right now. I'm walking around the house in this cute little t shirt type nightgown with my brand new Nike Shox Zipsister sneakers on. So sexy, I know. Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall in my house right now? I'm super excited to have these new sneakers. For the past 8 years, the only sneakers that I have owned are the cheap $10 no name's you can find at Wal Mart. It's not that I couldn't ever afford a nice pair of sneakers, but to me, spending $50 - $60 or even more on a pair of sneakers was a waste of money. I would much rather have had a couple new outfits (bought on clearance of course) or some scrapbook supplies or a dinner out with my husband. It just wasn't my priority to get a nice pair of sneakers since quite frankly, I didn't wear them much. I haven't been much of an active person in the way of working out before. But all of that has changed now.

I've been exercising on a regular basis for several months now. And I've been doing so in my old raggedy pair of Wal Mart sneakers. I haven't minded. I have never complained. But my husband, being the shoe loving man that he is was bothered by my choice of shoes to exercise in. He made me promise that I would get a really good pair of name brand sneakers .

I don't think he trusted that I would actually do it, so he took me himself this past weekend to get a pair. We went to the Nike outlet. I think the only time I've ever been in that store was to buy him something several years ago for Christmas. It's just not my kinda store. I really wasn't too excited about how much I would have to pay for a pair of shoes there. But he promised me that I would be able to find a reasonably priced pair on sale. He was right. Yes you heard me. MY HUSBAND WAS RIGHT! Oh my, he's never gonna let me live that down! He was right and I was wrong. I'm not sure I've ever uttered those words in our 10 years of marriage, but there's a first (and last) time for everything, right? I found a super cute, luxuriously comfortable pair for $39.99. And I'm wearing them around the house right now to break them in before I go exercise tomorrow.

.....this is my most recent pair of sneakers with a crack in the bottom......

I actually like the new ones so much I'm thinking about buying a pink pair too. Look out, honey! You may have just created a sneaker snob! No more cheapo's for me! I'm lookin' mighty fine in my Nike's tonight!

I'll Take Mine Black Please....

And no, I’m not referring to my coffee. I don’t even drink the stuff. Not tea either. What I’m referring to is what some people might think is a stereotype. I never even imagined that posting a picture of my husband and myself together on my Facebook profile would draw so much attention. Apparently some of my “friends” didn’t know what my husband looks like. Let me say this…I am married to the most wonderful, caring, generous (in more ways than one), kind, gentle, protective, loving husband there is. He is my soul mate. He is the man that God created just for me. When God knit the two of us together separately in our mother’s wombs, He knew what He was doing. He was creating two individuals who were perfect for each other. He was creating a power couple in the Kingdom of God. He was writing the most romantic and beautiful love story ever written. When we met, we knew we were perfect for each other. We talked about getting married on our first date. To me, my husband is the most handsome man on earth. When I look at him, I am constantly thanking God for giving me such a gift as my husband. He stirs up emotions in me that no one else can. The sight of him… his muscles, his hands, his face…his entire body is downright magical to me. How God could create such a perfect compliment to me in every way is beyond my comprehension. Suffice it to say, we were made for each other! But while we saw what God had intended for us to see in each other, there were those who didn’t quite agree with our union. And there are still those who think we should not be married, nor have children together. And sadly, some of those individuals are family. If you take notice, in describing my husband above, never once did I mention his skin color. It has nothing to do with why I love him so much. Yes I am married to an incredible man, and he just happens to be black. I’ve heard way too many stereotypical comments lately that, quite frankly make me angry. You know the ones I’m talking about. Big bald black man + plus sized white girl = A BIG FAT STEREOTYPE! My husband happens to be big and bald and I just happen to be a plus sized white girl. Total coincidence. Another stereotype…yes I’m gonna say it….big feet = you know what. Stop looking at my husbands feet and making crude references! I don’t appreciate it! There’s more, but I’m gonna stop there. Oh, and don’t get me started on the stereotypes about bi racial children. Enough is enough. Can’t we just accept one another as human beings? Skin color makes no difference. I love what my husband’s great aunt Flora (who’s in her 80’s) said to me the very first time we met over 10 years ago. She said “Honey, it don’t make no difference what your skin color is. We all bleed the same color blood!” I couldn’t have said it better myself. And you know what else? More importantly than our blood is the blood that Jesus shed for ALL OF US! When He died on the cross for our sins, He did not make any specific requirements for who would be made free by the shedding of His blood. Whosoever will accept Him. That’s who. I can’t help but sing this song to myself every time I hear someone making some kind of racial reference or joke……

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
All are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

Falling Off The Wagon

It’s confession time. I’ve been a very, very bad girl. For the past 2 weeks, I have “fallen off the wagon” so to speak. And it’s kind of ironic the timing of it all. If you remember, I was extremely excited about getting the fill on my band just 2 weeks ago. I was experiencing a plateau in my weight loss and I was hoping that the fill would give me the boost I needed to jump start the progress again. I’ve had anything but the desired results I was hoping for. I don’t blame it on anything medically and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fill, but more likely it’s got something to do with a certain “visitor” I’ve had lately. The timing stinks. OK, so I’m gonna get really personal here and if it’s too much for you, then stop reading. But it’s my blog and I’ll talk about what I want to. (insert sarcasm here) I have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Among the many undesirable side effects of this is irregular menstrual cycles. Since I was 11 years old, I can’t remember a time when I knew for sure when I would have a period, except for one brief time stretch when I took birth control pills. I just never know. Over the years, I’ve also experienced infertility, elevated blood sugar levels, weight gain, and a few other things that are just too uncomfortable for me to mention. During the process of leading up to the lap band surgery, one thing that my doctor and I discussed is that with weight loss, some of the symptoms of PCOS will go away. This is a good thing. Really it is. But I’m just not used to having a regular cycle yet and now that my body is reacting well to the weight loss, guess what? It’s like clock work now. And of course, as fate would have it, the same week I received the fill was the week before my “visitor” came. I don’t know how other women’s bodies are, but for me, the week before is horrible. I am moody, irritable, cranky and I want to eat everything in sight! And it lasts right on through until the end. And this month was no different. I think it’s also had something to do with being snowed in the house for several days at a time too. But during these last 2 weeks, I have learned the art of “eating around my band. “ And that’s not good at all. I’ll explain myself. Because of the band, and more recently because of the fill, I can only eat small amounts of food at a time. And I am supposed to limit myself to 3 meals per day of about 1/3 to ½ cup of food each meal. No snacking in between. And I’m not supposed to be hungry between meals either. But, if you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ve most likely heard me say that I had stomach surgery, not brain surgery, and while my stomach may be full, my brain still tells me to eat sometimes. That’s what happens when you’re an emotional eater. So, I’ve been eating my 3 meals per day and feeling full off of them, but occasionally in one or two hours, I’ve been eating again. Snacking. On foods that are bad for me to eat. Foods that I’m supposed to stay away from. And while I haven’t gained any weight back, I haven’t lost anything either. And I’m afraid that I’ve done damage. I don’t know this for sure, but I fear that I have. What if I’ve stretched my stomach during these last 2 weeks? I know it can happen, but I don’t know how long it can take for it to happen. And I’m afraid to ask my doctor. I’m afraid of a reprimand. A lecture. So instead, I called the office and asked for something I told myself I wouldn’t need. A coach. Last month when I went to my first support group meeting, I remember the leader of the group mentioning that there are people available who have been through the weight loss surgery process and have been successful who would love to be a support to anyone who needs it. I shrugged it off then. But I need someone like that now. So I called and asked for the name and contact information for someone today. They are working on matching me up with someone and will call me with the information soon. I can’t wait to talk to whomever it is they set me up with. I need to know if this is normal. Well, I’m sure it is. But I need to talk with someone who’s messed up and still managed to pick themselves up and start over again. I really need this. I’m disappointed in myself. I guess I just thought in my messed up little mind that this wouldn’t happen to me. That I was strong enough where others weren’t. Not so. But at least I’m willing to admit that I’ve messed up and am willing to do the work necessary to get back on track. That should count for something, right? Well I think so.
So, for anyone else out there who’s messed up too, whatever the struggle is….I just want to tell you that it’s not too late for you either. It’s never too late. You can pick yourself back up and get back on track too. Let’s do it together. We can make it!

Retail Therapy

I’ve been dealing with some unwanted stress these last few days. Actually, I don’t know why I said it like that, as far as I’m concerned ALL stress is unwanted. I guess what I really meant was that it was completely unexpected criticism that has had me stressed out lately. And from a completely shocking source. Anyhow, what I’m getting at is that I have a very loving and protective husband who is extremely wise. He knows exactly what will help me when I’m stressed out. The last two days during the boys nap time, he sent me out of the house for some “retail therapy.” And I have to tell you, it worked. I’m feeling a lot less stressed now that I’ll be sporting some new clothes. And I hit the jackpot too! This time of year is amazing for finding sales. I’m a bargain shopper to begin with, but I must say that I even surprised myself with my incredible finds. Altogether, I spent $86 and I got a boatload of clothes…2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of khakis, 2 jackets, 3 sleeveless tops, 1 short sleeve dressy shirt, 2 long sleeve tops, a sheer duster and a pair of earrings. And most of the items were from my favorite store - Lane Bryant. Yesterday I went to the Goodwill and cleaned up! It’s amazing what you can find if you take the time to search through the racks and racks of clothes. I found really nice name brand clothes (lots of Lane Bryant) there. Then I found some things at good old Wal Mart. I spent $66 yesterday. And today I used my $15 off of a $15 purchase at Lane Bryant and got the 3 sleeveless tops for $20! Woo hoo!!! I wish I could show you pictures of what I got, but silly me...I left my bags of clothes in the boys room and I just got the little one to sleep, so I am NOT going in there right now and possibly wake him up. The boy is a bear if he gets woken up. Maybe tomorrow, though.
Now all I need is some underwear and bras and I should be good to go for a little while! And I really really need underwear too! I know it’s TMI, but they are falling off of me! I’m finding myself constantly tugging at them to keep them up! My husband just looks at me and shakes his head. I know what he’s thinking though….thongs! OK, maybe 1 new pair of those, but I need some normal every day underwear too! And I'm just not ready to brave Victoria's Secret yet either. But I'm not going for the plain white granny underwear that's been my underwear of choice for the past several years. I need some cute stripes and plaids and polka dot underwear. Maybe a pair of boy shorts. I think that's what they're called. Oh and some lacy ones too! Ooh, I'm gonna have so much fun picking them out! I can hardly wait! I know, I know. It's the little things that excite me. It doesn't take much. I guess you know what I'll be doing tomorrow at nap time, don't ya? Guess I better go make some space in my underwear drawer right now. This is gonna be soooo much fun! Until tomorrow....