Falling Off The Wagon

It’s confession time. I’ve been a very, very bad girl. For the past 2 weeks, I have “fallen off the wagon” so to speak. And it’s kind of ironic the timing of it all. If you remember, I was extremely excited about getting the fill on my band just 2 weeks ago. I was experiencing a plateau in my weight loss and I was hoping that the fill would give me the boost I needed to jump start the progress again. I’ve had anything but the desired results I was hoping for. I don’t blame it on anything medically and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fill, but more likely it’s got something to do with a certain “visitor” I’ve had lately. The timing stinks. OK, so I’m gonna get really personal here and if it’s too much for you, then stop reading. But it’s my blog and I’ll talk about what I want to. (insert sarcasm here) I have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Among the many undesirable side effects of this is irregular menstrual cycles. Since I was 11 years old, I can’t remember a time when I knew for sure when I would have a period, except for one brief time stretch when I took birth control pills. I just never know. Over the years, I’ve also experienced infertility, elevated blood sugar levels, weight gain, and a few other things that are just too uncomfortable for me to mention. During the process of leading up to the lap band surgery, one thing that my doctor and I discussed is that with weight loss, some of the symptoms of PCOS will go away. This is a good thing. Really it is. But I’m just not used to having a regular cycle yet and now that my body is reacting well to the weight loss, guess what? It’s like clock work now. And of course, as fate would have it, the same week I received the fill was the week before my “visitor” came. I don’t know how other women’s bodies are, but for me, the week before is horrible. I am moody, irritable, cranky and I want to eat everything in sight! And it lasts right on through until the end. And this month was no different. I think it’s also had something to do with being snowed in the house for several days at a time too. But during these last 2 weeks, I have learned the art of “eating around my band. “ And that’s not good at all. I’ll explain myself. Because of the band, and more recently because of the fill, I can only eat small amounts of food at a time. And I am supposed to limit myself to 3 meals per day of about 1/3 to ½ cup of food each meal. No snacking in between. And I’m not supposed to be hungry between meals either. But, if you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ve most likely heard me say that I had stomach surgery, not brain surgery, and while my stomach may be full, my brain still tells me to eat sometimes. That’s what happens when you’re an emotional eater. So, I’ve been eating my 3 meals per day and feeling full off of them, but occasionally in one or two hours, I’ve been eating again. Snacking. On foods that are bad for me to eat. Foods that I’m supposed to stay away from. And while I haven’t gained any weight back, I haven’t lost anything either. And I’m afraid that I’ve done damage. I don’t know this for sure, but I fear that I have. What if I’ve stretched my stomach during these last 2 weeks? I know it can happen, but I don’t know how long it can take for it to happen. And I’m afraid to ask my doctor. I’m afraid of a reprimand. A lecture. So instead, I called the office and asked for something I told myself I wouldn’t need. A coach. Last month when I went to my first support group meeting, I remember the leader of the group mentioning that there are people available who have been through the weight loss surgery process and have been successful who would love to be a support to anyone who needs it. I shrugged it off then. But I need someone like that now. So I called and asked for the name and contact information for someone today. They are working on matching me up with someone and will call me with the information soon. I can’t wait to talk to whomever it is they set me up with. I need to know if this is normal. Well, I’m sure it is. But I need to talk with someone who’s messed up and still managed to pick themselves up and start over again. I really need this. I’m disappointed in myself. I guess I just thought in my messed up little mind that this wouldn’t happen to me. That I was strong enough where others weren’t. Not so. But at least I’m willing to admit that I’ve messed up and am willing to do the work necessary to get back on track. That should count for something, right? Well I think so.
So, for anyone else out there who’s messed up too, whatever the struggle is….I just want to tell you that it’s not too late for you either. It’s never too late. You can pick yourself back up and get back on track too. Let’s do it together. We can make it!

Retail Therapy

I’ve been dealing with some unwanted stress these last few days. Actually, I don’t know why I said it like that, as far as I’m concerned ALL stress is unwanted. I guess what I really meant was that it was completely unexpected criticism that has had me stressed out lately. And from a completely shocking source. Anyhow, what I’m getting at is that I have a very loving and protective husband who is extremely wise. He knows exactly what will help me when I’m stressed out. The last two days during the boys nap time, he sent me out of the house for some “retail therapy.” And I have to tell you, it worked. I’m feeling a lot less stressed now that I’ll be sporting some new clothes. And I hit the jackpot too! This time of year is amazing for finding sales. I’m a bargain shopper to begin with, but I must say that I even surprised myself with my incredible finds. Altogether, I spent $86 and I got a boatload of clothes…2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of khakis, 2 jackets, 3 sleeveless tops, 1 short sleeve dressy shirt, 2 long sleeve tops, a sheer duster and a pair of earrings. And most of the items were from my favorite store - Lane Bryant. Yesterday I went to the Goodwill and cleaned up! It’s amazing what you can find if you take the time to search through the racks and racks of clothes. I found really nice name brand clothes (lots of Lane Bryant) there. Then I found some things at good old Wal Mart. I spent $66 yesterday. And today I used my $15 off of a $15 purchase at Lane Bryant and got the 3 sleeveless tops for $20! Woo hoo!!! I wish I could show you pictures of what I got, but silly me...I left my bags of clothes in the boys room and I just got the little one to sleep, so I am NOT going in there right now and possibly wake him up. The boy is a bear if he gets woken up. Maybe tomorrow, though.
Now all I need is some underwear and bras and I should be good to go for a little while! And I really really need underwear too! I know it’s TMI, but they are falling off of me! I’m finding myself constantly tugging at them to keep them up! My husband just looks at me and shakes his head. I know what he’s thinking though….thongs! OK, maybe 1 new pair of those, but I need some normal every day underwear too! And I'm just not ready to brave Victoria's Secret yet either. But I'm not going for the plain white granny underwear that's been my underwear of choice for the past several years. I need some cute stripes and plaids and polka dot underwear. Maybe a pair of boy shorts. I think that's what they're called. Oh and some lacy ones too! Ooh, I'm gonna have so much fun picking them out! I can hardly wait! I know, I know. It's the little things that excite me. It doesn't take much. I guess you know what I'll be doing tomorrow at nap time, don't ya? Guess I better go make some space in my underwear drawer right now. This is gonna be soooo much fun! Until tomorrow....

Message In A Bottle

What can you do with 3 empty sparkling grape juice bottles left over from New Years Eve? Lots, I tell ya! Start off by soaking the bottle in warm water to remove the label...

Next, stamp an image on old brown paper and color the image in using your kids coloring pencil stash....

Modge Podge bits and pieces of paper, flowers, buttons, ribbon, and rope on.......

Turn upside down in a coffee cup to dry....LOL.......

Wait 3 days for the Mod Podge to dry because you caked on way too much, and VOILA......

The cutest little craft project you ever did see......

Oh yeah, and add a pink jewel. Can't forget that.......

embellish with a tag and beads......

Don't forget Cupid cause it's almost Valentine's Day......

LOVE it!

Now, what do you do with a LOVE sign that you got for a gift but it doesn't fit in with the decor of your home?

Spend an hour taking it apart, regretting every second of it while saying to yourself "Why did I ever think this was a good idea?"

Calm yourself with some hot chocolate and get to painting, girl! Gather some paper, stamps, ribbon, and of course Mod Podge! And put it all back together again (easier said than done).....

But it is cute, isn't it?

My man and I....we're 2 of a kind....

And that my friends is how I spent my week! How about you?

I'm A Sick-O

I should have known. Last night right in the middle of the mall, my one year old threw up all over me. Up my sleeves, down the front of my shirt, on my jeans, even on my boots. I thought it was just because he was jumping around in the play area and then stuffed his mouth full with a peanut butter cracker. But alas, I was wrong. I caught his virus. I woke up in the middle of the night moaning and groaning in pain. Don't ya hate that feeling when you know your sick, but you try your very best not to throw up? And then when you finally do, you feel better for a little while until the vicious cycle starts all over again. Yuck! I hate this! I even had to go to Wal Mart feeling like this. It was my normal grocery day so it had to be done. We were out of everything. And I almost lost it right in the middle of Wal Mart. Thankfully I made it home without embarrassing myself totally. I had to call my doctor because I was warned before my surgery that vomiting can be dangerous for me. The band could slip and cause a hernia and then I would need lots of tests and possible surgery to correct the problem. Rather than giving me a prescription for the vomiting right away, they advised me to....get this.....go on full liquids for 2 days! Are you kidding me? Again? This is getting ridiculous already! But I do understand. At least with only liquids, there is less of a likelihood of vomiting. So, here I go again! While I was at Wal Mart, without thinking I bought my old standby for when I'm not feeling well - Ginger Ale. It's my favorite thing to sip on when I'm sick. But I forgot that I'm not supposed to have anything carbonated. It could cause bloating and possibly stretch the stomach out. And that's not good at all. So, I asked about it when I called the doctor. He told me that I could still have it if I really needed to. I just have to let it sit out for awhile to let all of the fizz go away before I drink it. Fair enough. So that's what I did. It's the only thing I've had all day. I haven't even taken my multi vitamin. I'm afraid to. I'm such a baby when I'm sick. If even the slightest thing makes me gag, I'm done. If the gagging starts, vomiting is sure to follow. I've always had a weak stomach. Even as a child, my older sisters (Missy, you know you did it too! ) would tease me by pretending to pick their noses or some silly stuff like that just to see me gag. I couldn't take it. And I still can't. My poor husband, who works nights, got no sleep today because he was taking care of me and the boys. He was on dirty diaper duty all day long! Even the smell of a dirty diaper sent me reeling today! Hopefully this will pass and I'll be back to "normal" in no time. One good thing, though. Maybe my not-so-friendly scales will finally budge again! Here's hoping!

Take A Picture, It Lasts Longer....

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like all eyes were on you? It's unsettling, isn't it? That's how I feel every time I walk into church lately. It's really the only place I go where lots of people know me, since I don't really work anymore. Oh yeah, church and the gym. I know that people are just curious, but it's still somewhat uncomfortable. The difference between the 2 places, though is that at church, people are curious for good reasons. It's the place where I've received the most encouragement and support from everyone I talk to. But at the gym, I feel like people are staring at me like, who does this fat woman think she is? It's funny how the 2 places make me feel completely different. When I walk into church and I hear one compliment after another on my long walk from taking the boys to their classes to the other side of the building to the main sanctuary, I can feel myself standing a little taller along the way with each compliment. By the time I reach my destination, I almost feel like my face is gonna explode from smiling so much. My church family...their the best!

Now, the gym is a different story. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I feel fine and perfectly at ease when I'm on the cardio side on the elliptical, but as soon as I set foot on the side with the weights and machines, I feel like all eyes are on me. Like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake, fall off of a piece of equipment, or drop a weight. I honestly don't think I would have the guts to keep going if it weren't for my husband. He is such an encouragement to me in the gym. He's been working out for over 30 years and the gym is like his second home. He's spent years researching all types of exercises programs, supplements and even did some personal training for awhile years ago. I trust him to lead me in the right direction. And just when I'm feeling really self conscious on a particular piece of equipment or with a certain exercise, he's right there beside me, helping me to do it the right way. It's like he has radar and he knows when I need him to help me or just for some moral support. And he pushes me too. He has more faith in my ability to exercise than me. If I think I can only do 25 lbs on something, he puts 30 on the machine, or if I say I'm done after 8 reps, he makes me do 10. Sure I complain at the time, but when I'm finished, I'm so glad I gave it that extra effort. And I'm so glad he believed in me. I would be lost without him in the gym. And in life. He's my partner and I'm so glad God blessed me with him. And for sure, he's one person I don't mind staring at me. He can look me up and down ALLLLL DAY LONG! Grrrrrr.......

Shrinky Dink

I've been doing some shrinking lately, but not the kind you might think I'm talking about.
I'm not ashamed to admit it. Well, ok...maybe just a tad bit. But I've been seeing a psychiatrist once a month since about 2 months before my surgery. And to be honest, it's been great for me. I think I mentioned this in a previous blog, and if I didn't, if you've known me for any length of time, I have always been up front about struggling with Post Partum Depression after my youngest 2 sons were born. And I've been on and off with the depression ever since. Well, one of the things both my husband and I were concerned about with the surgery is that there is a high percentage of patients who undergo weight loss surgery that suffer from depression afterwards. So, we decided that it would be a good idea to talk with my doctor about our concerns. My family doctor, who has little experience treating depression, referred me to Dr. Fawaz. From the first meeting with him, I have always felt very comfortable and at ease talking openly about my struggles. In fact, I remember at my first appointment, when I walked into his office, there were 2 places to sit. A chair and a couch. I joked with him that I was NOT gonna sit on that couch. EVER! You know, there's that stigma associated with psychiatrists and couches....I always head straight for the chair! Anyhow, I've seen him regularly since then and I am currently taking 2 prescriptions to help me through this time. Actually, as of today, I'm only taking one. I'm doing well, so we decided to try it with only one and see how it goes. I like him. I mean, as a doctor. And I trust him. That's important. Except there's this thing. At every appointment, he always talks about food. It starts out innocent enough. He'll ask me something like..."Do you miss food?" Or, "How are you doing with your eating?" Then, he'll ask me if there's anything in particular that I miss. Like, chocolate, or salty snacks, or meat, or.....Then he'll start telling me some of his favorite foods! He'll go on and on about this kind of bread that he likes, or he'll tell me that his favorite chocolate is Ghiardelli. Then I get hungry for those exact same things!!! So today, when he started, I jokingly said, "OK, that's enough, your making me hungry!" I think he got the point. I dunno, maybe he's using some secret psychiatrist mind game thing. Maybe he can tell alot about me by my reactions to what he's talking about or something. Just a thought. But for some reason, I always feel better after talking with him. Like someone other than my family (who are supposed to care about me anyhow) cares about my success. It's encouraging. Well, of course I am paying for him to care, aren't I?
And you know what else I like about my monthly appointments? The drive to and from his office. It takes about 20-25 minutes to get there and the same to get back home. It's a peaceful drive with pretty scenery. I usually schedule my appointments during the boys naptime and when my husband is home. So, it's a nice break after a stressful morning. And today was especially nice. My appointment was over fairly quickly, so I knew the boys would still be asleep. Before I went home, I stopped off at the furniture store where we've bought all of our furniture for the past 10 years. Were in need of a sectional. We don't have enough seating in our living room right now, so were looking to upgrade. It was a nice stroll through the store browsing through all the lovely things. And I think I found one that I really like. And it's a good price too!
So, yay for me!!!!
It's been a good day today!

If you are in need of a pstchiatrist, I highly recommend Dr. Jamal Fawaz. You can contact him at...

Brook Lane
P.O. Box 1945
Hagerstown, MD 21742
301-733-0330
brooklane.org

The Curious Case Of The Confiscated Candlesticks And Tales Of The Troublesome Toilet Paper

I think all of you, my faithful readers could use a break from listening to me whine about the woes of weight loss for one night, so I thought it would be interesting to give you a little view through the window of my world in the wonderful joys of raising 3 boys!

I love candles and even more than candles, I love candlesticks. I don't have many, but the ones I do have I love. My favorites are these 2 cute white ones with crystal dangly things hanging from them. I'm sure there's a name for the dangly things, but I don't know what it is. Then there's this one silver one I found at a thrift store yesterday for 99 cents. A creative idea that I borrowed from my sister was to roll pages from old books up to look like a taper candle and use in the holders instead of a candle. Purely for decorative purposes, of course. So that's what I did. I've already had the white ones on display in my dining room for awhile and I found the "perfect" spot for the silver one right smack in the center of my coffee table. Well, I thought it was the perfect spot. But I'll get to that in just a sec. I made my "candles" this morning and boy did they look cute. Shortly before my husband put the boys down for a nap today, I left the house to run some errands. When I returned to the house 3 hours later, the candles were missing....

OK, so it's not like I can't whip up some new ones in 30 seconds, but I kinda flipped out. "Who took my candles", I screeched! Empty blank stares from all 3 boys was all I got in response.

I already knew who took them. I always know who did it when something disappears in the house lately. It's my 20 month old son, Hezekiah. The boy is the very definition of mischief. Look it up in Websters, I'm sure you'll find his mug right there beside of the word. His mind is always wandering, trying to find the next thing to get into. I narrowed my inquisition to him...."ZEEKIE (my nickname for him) WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MOMMY'S CANDLESTICKS?" Immediately he got down on his hands and knees like he was searching for them. He's 1 which means he has the memory of an 80 year old so he probably didn't even remember taking them. I looked everywhere I could think...in the toy box, in the trash, under the coffee table, behind the couch (I did find 2 missing sippy cups there), upstairs, downstairs...they were nowhere to be found. Like I said, I could easily make new ones, but for some reason, this just irritated me. Anyhow, I quickly forgot about it in the chaos of changing diapers, getting dinner on the table, and clearing the dining room table of my craft clutter. When I lifted Zeke up to put him in his high chair for dinner, I found one of them. The poor thing (the candle, I mean) was all crumbled up and stuffed into his high chair seat along with 2 clothes pins and a kids bowling ball. Yeah, that makes total sense now!
Silly me. Why didn't I think to look there? It's so obvious of a place to hide them!

Mystery solved. Well, not quite. The other one is still missing. Eh, I'm sure I'll find it in the most obvious spot of all when I'm not even looking, like probably in my underwear drawer!

So, I have this thing. Yes, another pet peeve. I think this makes 10 that I've told you about since starting my blog. It has to do with the toilet paper in the bathroom. First of all, I like it to be "over" not "under." And secondly, men...when the roll is empty, don't just get a new one out and sit it on top of the old one. Change it. Replace the dang thing! Throw the old one away! But in 10 years of marriage, my hunka hunka handsome hubby hasn't learned that it bothers me. I'm not complaining. Actually it makes me chuckle each time he does it now. It only slightly bothers me, but not enough to....let's say....make him suffer for it (wink wink). So what do you think I saw when I walked into the bathroom this evening? Yep, you guessed it! A new roll of toilet paper resting atop the old empty cardboard tube. Oh well, I'll choose my battles. This one is no biggie.

Now, leaving dirty dishwater in the sink...that's a biggie. But not this one.

OK, I'm done rambling for now. I'm off to make more candles. Have a great day!