Baby I'm On My Way

A Message of Hope

2011-02-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile, but I'm back...with a message of hope. I'm sure at first, it won't seem like it, but hang on, it's coming!

Last night, I was minding my own business, changing diapers, bathing my boys, washing dishes, folding laundry and all of the usual stuff that a typical Thursday night entails when all of a sudden, my "normal", "comfortable"and "perfect" little life came to a screeching halt. My husband called me from work to tell me that we needed to talk. Now. Over the phone, he filled me in on the details of the last 30 minutes of his life. When he arrived at work for the night, he, along with all of his other coworkers (including his immediate supervisor) were called into a meeting with the Publisher of the newspaper for which he works, the Human Resources Director, and a few other management personnel at the paper. During the course of the meeting, all of the 32 employees in attendance were informed that as of April 15, they would no longer have a job. The entire printing and distribution departments are going to be outsourced to another newspaper in order to save the company money. I can't say that we didn't see it coming. But still. Big time shocker. I mean B.I.G. My husband has been with the same employer for 33 years. His entire working life. It's all he knows. All that he's formally trained to do. So, what now? Tears, lots of tears. Sobbing. Wailing. Fear. Worry. Questions. And then....Peace. Peace in remembering that it is not "man" that supplies our needs. It's One who is greater. Greater than any man, or job, or paycheck, or compensation package. Jehovah Jireh.... our provider. El Shaddai...the God who is more than enough! Jehovah Shalom...The Lord our peace! Jehovah Shammah...the Lord who is present! Emmanuel...God with us!

It's funny how God is. Right in the middle of the worst trial of your life, he will cause a song to rise up within you. And that's what he's done for me. I've been singing of his greatness all day long!

And the outpouring of love from family and friends has been overwhelming! Just when you think your all alone in the world, God will show you just how wrong you are! We know for sure that we are not facing this time alone!

So, what next? We're not sure yet what God has in store for our family. My husband met with company officials today to discuss severance packages and I have to be honest, we were not impressed with what was offered considering my husband has given his entire life to the company. And he will need to begin the search for another form of employment. But it's not over yet.

Today, I've caught myself countless times falling into a semi -panic state, but each time, I remember what my very wise Pastor once taught my husband and I during a difficult time in our marriage. When your present isn't what you thought it would be, and when your future is uncertain, look back. And remember. Remember all that God has brought you through, all he's done for you. And so that's what I'm doing. I'm reminding myself. And in case you don't know, I want to tell you what God has done in my life and in the lives of my family.

*10 yrs ago, I was told by my Dr. whom I respect very much that the likelihood of me becoming pregnant and carrying a child full term was not very promising. Today, I'm the proud mama of 3 boys...one who is our son through adoption and 2 whom I gave birth to.

*During the process of the adoption of our oldest son, we were blessed with a $10,000 gift to help pay for the adoption.

*6 years ago, we were blessed by a member of our church family, with a brand new custom roof on our home.

*4 years ago, we were given a Chevrolet suburban to fit our growing family.

*Last year, we were given a minivan.

*A few years ago when our marriage was going through a dry spell, we were blessed with $500 to go away for 3 days to be refreshed and renewed as a couple.

*3 Christmases ago, our family was blessed anonymously with 3 $100 American Express cards for our boys.

I could go on and on and on with the countless ways that God has chosen to shower our family with his love and provision. So, why would now be any different? We're watching and waiting for our next blessing from our Heavenly Father and we laugh in the face of adversity because as good as he's been to us, we know without a shadow of a doubt that THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!

Happy Anniversary To Me!

2010-12-17T19:08:00.000-08:00

Anniversaries are meant to be celebrated so I should be celebrating right now, but somehow I can’t seem to get myself into the celebratory mood. Just over a year ago, I chose to have, arguably, one of the most life altering surgeries that a person can have. Those who have followed my journey know all too well the ups and downs that this chick has faced over the last year and I think you would agree that I have every reason under the sun to celebrate. What a roller coaster ride this year has been! But why, you ask, do I not feel like celebrating? As most of you know, I don’t mince words and I’m as frank as frank can be, so I’m gonna give it to ya straight. I feel like a failure. I set a goal for myself….my doctor set a much more reasonable one… and I didn’t reach either. I know, I know. I’ve heard it from everyone. “But you look great, Andrea! “You’ve done an amazing job, girlfriend!“ And the one I hear most often “I could never do what you’ve done!”
I do appreciate all of those kind words, but as they say…you’re your own worst critic! I look at the scales and rather than seeing all of the weight that I‘ve lost, I see instead all that I still have yet to lose. Instead of seeing how many sizes I’ve gone down, I see the many more I have yet to go. And instead of seeing all of my little accomplishments over the year, I see the long road still ahead of me. I can’t help it. It’s my reality. And I’m just being honest.
So, the question remains…do I feel like the surgery was a failure? In short, no. If the goal was to become healthier, then the surgery accomplished what it was supposed to. If the goal was to lose weight, then yes, it was a success. But ultimately, I’m still overweight and I still have much more to lose.

I’ll warn you, I’m getting to the boring part now…..

In the beginning, I was told that the process of losing the weight is a 2 to 3 year time period. So, in reality I’m only 1/3 of the way into this whole journey. But, I have not lost a pound in 5 months. Blame it on insurance. In the beginning, it was great. My insurance did not require me to wait 12-18 months before I could have the surgery as some do. And when the statements arrived after the surgery, my husband and I were surprised to find that we owed nothing. But then the band fills started. It was manageable in the beginning, but then our insurance changed and it became unaffordable for me to continue receiving the fills necessary on my band to continue with the results that I had been having. I have been slowly becoming hungrier and hungrier until I am at the point now that I can almost eat as much as before. There are some foods that I still cannot eat, but the amounts are not what it was when I was still receiving fills. And it scares me. The scales have not budged. The good thing is that they have not budged in either direction. So, at least I tell myself, I haven’t gone backwards. But still it’s scary nonetheless.

And then there’s that dirty little word…exercise! Yuck! I did so well for the first 8 months. I had a goal to run a 5k. I did it. I wanted to do another. But then I got busy. Just life. You know…wife, mother, employee…that kinda stuff gets in the way of exercise sometimes. And if I’m completely honest, there are days when I have nothing else cluttering up my day and I just don’t feel like going to the gym. And I don’t. Don’t get me wrong. I still exercise. Just not as much.

So anyway……

As I look back over my blog and read some of the funny, poignant, tear jerking, silly, and in your face honest things that I have written, I’m struck with a thought…what would my life be like today if I had not had lap band surgery? The thought brings me to tears because the woman that I was a year ago is not the woman I always dreamed I’d be as a little girl. But the woman I am today almost is! While I still have so far to go on the outside, the changes that have taken place on the inside of me during this last year are significant to say the least. I’m stronger, wiser, braver, more confident, and….SKINNIER!

I’ve had so many people ask so many questions of me during the last year, and I wanted to take moment to answer some of the most popular ones. Am I glad I made the decision to have lap band surgery? Yes. Do I ever regret having the surgery? Some days, sure. If I had it to do all over again, would I? Heck yeah! And am I glad I decided to start a blog and share with the “world” (more accurately, a few loyal readers) my journey? Absolutely!

It’s been too long since I last updated my blog, I know. And I won’t bore you with the long list of excuses why I haven’t written, but I’m back now! I hope that you’ll still continue to follow along on my journey as I begin the second year. I hope to have many more successes to share with you and I’m absolutely sure I’ll have some “woe is me” days as well! Thank you to everyone who has followed along and encouraged me with each step. I appreciate you more than words can say! Bye for now!

Oh, and one more thing.......my weight loss total for the first year is 41 lbs!!!

A Lesson Learned...

2010-09-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

I learned a very important lesson today and I thought I'd share it in hopes of helping someone else to remember what it truly means to be married...to be a help mate, a team, undivided, unified, always looking for the best in your spouse, not the worst, and always willing to pick up the slack....

As I've been losing weight over the last 9 months, I have cleared my closet and drawers of all clothes that no longer fit me. I've gotten rid of it all...at last count, over 25 bags of clothes to the Goodwill and to friends. That's a lot of clothes. I'm not sure how many items I've replaced, but suffice it to say that it's far less than what I've gotten rid of. Way less. Way way less. Last Saturday, I think my husband was so tired of hearing me complain yet again that I had nothing to wear when he generously suggested that I go buy a new outfit. Me, not being ignorant of my husband's cunning mind, knew that when he said "Honey, why don't you run to Marshall's and buy yourself something new" , he really meant " Honey, why don't you run to Marshall's and buy yourself something new, and don't forget to bring something back for me too. You know my size!" That's how it's always been. Whenever I've been out shopping and found something cute, I knew that my husband would not get upset as long as I brought him home a new shirt or pair of pants too! He loves clothes just as much as I do. And I love him for it!

Back to my story...I didn't have much success at Marshall's, but I did find one black jacket that will serve me well during the fall and winter months. THIS IS IMPORTANT...it was $16.99. I also found a new grey casual shirt for my husband. THIS IS IMPORTANT...it was $9.99. He was happy. I was happy. But wait, that's not the end of the story.

My husband has this annoying habit (which a lot of men do) of leaving things wherever they fall. You know, socks, underwear, pants, napkins, and PRICE TAGS FROM NEW CLOTHES! So, Saturday night after we got dressed in our new clothes and were heading out the door to church, I noticed a price tag laying on the bedroom floor. It was turned to the back so that you could only see the Marshall's logo. The front side which showed the price was facing the floor. I remember as we were rushing out the door, thinking to myself..."I sure hope he picks that up when we get home!"

That was Saturday.

Sunday...the tag was still on the floor.

Monday...still there.

Tuesday...still there.

Wednesday...still there.

Thursday....still there.

I never said a word to him. I just thought to myself that I was not going to pick that tag off the floor no matter how long it stayed there. I was gonna teach my husband a lesson.

Or so I thought.

It's now Thursday, my cleaning day. My husband has the boys out with him for a few hours so I can have some peace and quiet and actually get something accomplished. I cleaned the downstairs in the first hour, then I went upstairs. The entire time I was cleaning our bedroom, I kept stepping over this price tag on the floor. "Stupid price tag," I said to myself. Finally it came time to vacuum the floor and I had to pick it up. Childishly, I thought to myself ..."I'll just pick it up long enough to vacuum, then I'm putting it right back on the floor until he picks it up." Silly me. When I did, I saw something that I'd been missing all week long. When I picked up the price tag and laid it down, I noticed the price....$16.99! It was MY price tag from MY jacket!!!!! Oh no!!!!!! How childish of me! All along, it was my trash to pick up, but I assumed the worst in my husband for almost an entire week! Wow! I've got some apologizing to do, don't' I? How flawed my thinking had been all along.

Now, I can't tell you how many times I've picked up after my husband when it actually was his trash, but I don't think it was an accident that God allowed this to happen this week. Really, how much time do I lose by picking up after my husband? A minute? Two? Is it really that important? Is it that big of a deal? Isn't that just one more way that I can show my love to him? By loving him and helping him, despite his flaws...just as he has done for me many many many times. Well, I sure have learned my lesson. How about you? Has God taught you something about marriage that you'd like to share? I'd love to hear it!

Rachel's Cry

2010-07-28T15:17:00.001-07:00

Isn't it funny how God works? I never cease to be amazed at how he moves in my life!
I've been feeling rather ungrateful lately. Been complaining a lot. I know it can be dangerous, but nonetheless I've been finding myself murmuring more than my fair share. The danger in it is that it can lead to a discontented heart and a discontented heart can cause you to do and say things that you'll regret later.
This morning while attempting to get my shower and get dressed while at the same time trying rather unsuccessfully to keep my 3 sons from hurting each other as they fought over toys, I was half talking to myself and half talking to God. I was trying to remember what my life was like 6 years ago when I wanted so desperately to have children but had been given a rather gloomy outlook on that prospect from my doctor. I was thinking to myself that if I could just get a faint glimpse back into what that felt like that maybe, just maybe it would help me to be more grateful for the blessings that God has given me in my 3 sons. While I was going through that 5 year time frame of miscarriages and infertility, it seemed like an eternity to me. In fact as I write this, I can't help but think to myself that it had to have been longer than 5 years, but it really wasn't. Now, looking back, I see that it wasn't really all that long in the grand scheme of things, but during that time, I felt like I was going to die of a broken heart if I had to wait one more month to try to get pregnant again.
I remember writing a lot during that time. I've always been a writer, but I find that I write more when I'm feeling tortured. Guess that's the sign of a true creative person, huh? At the time we didn't own a computer and I wasn't very good at saving things, so regretfully I don't have much in the way of mementos from that time in my life. I remember thinking this morning that it would be so neat to come across something that I wrote during that time to maybe help remind me of the longing that I felt for my home to be full of children. No such luck, I thought.
As the day went on, I was looking for my husband's misplaced camera anywhere I thought he might have left it when I saw a stray piece of paper sticking out of the bottom of the basket I was searching through. This particular basket is filled with instruction manuals for all of our various electronic gadgets as well as pamphlets that I've gathered along my journey on different attractions that I'd like to visit as a family. The stray piece of notebook paper that was obviously ripped from a notebook was out of place and caught my eye. I grabbed it and opened it and this is what it said.....

Dear Pastors Jason and Shannon (our ministers of music),

The Lord showed me something during our time of worship at choir practice last week and I wanted to share it with you. A few weeks ago when you mentioned "the cry of Rachel" (taken from Genesis 30:1), it spoke to me, but I don't think I really got it down in my spirit right away. You said that our heart's cry should be for spiritual babies and I while I completely agreed with you, something didn't click inside of me until God showed me this. As you know, it is my desire to have children. In the last year it has become a deep burning longing in me. I want it so badly. I have the "Cry of Rachel"..."Lord, give me children or let me die!" I know how Rachel felt. I know how uncomfortable it feels. I know the tears she must have cried and the pain she must have felt. I've cried those same tears and I've felt that same pain. I know the aching emptiness of barrenness. I know how she must have felt when others around her were having children and her womb remained empty. I feel just like she felt. God spoke to me so clearly. He said..."Andrea, you know how it feels to have the cry of Rachel in the physical realm. That is the exact way I want you to feel in the spiritual realm". That is the same agonizing cry He wants in all of our hearts. Lord, give me spiritual babies or let me die! He wants us to be uncomfortable and to do everything we can to have spiritual babies.

I am in awe of how God speaks to us so clearly. He can use anything to teach us a lesson.

Love,

Andrea

Wow! I cried as I read that little note. It was just the reminder that I needed and right on time too. Tonight as I prayed with my boys and tucked them into their beds, I hugged them a little tighter, and kissed them a little longer. They are blessings, absolute miracles from God and I never want to forget what He's done for me. We're leaving for a family vacation in just a few short days and I'm going to savor every moment I have with them. You should do the same. Snuggle with your husband, read a story to your children, call your friends and tell them how much they mean to you. Pray for those who have done you wrong. And always be ready to share the love of Christ with a stranger in the grocery store or gas station or hospital waiting room. Ask God to give you the cry of Rachel...Lord, give me children or let me die!

Jesus, I Want A Van!

2010-07-18T13:43:00.001-07:00

Last August while we were enjoying our first vacation as a family of 5, our suburban broke down. We were 2 hours away from home with no credit card and no idea how we were going to enjoy the rest of our vacation, much less get home. Thanks to a sister in law with connections and a friend, we managed to still have a great time and get home safely. Unfortunately, our 1988 suburban had met it's end. The transmission was gone and it was just too much money to fix it. Sadly, we ended up selling it for parts which came out to just about the same amount of money that it cost for us to rent a vehicle for us to get around in the rest of our vacation.

After we settled back into normal life at the McCall household with only one car, the reality of what happened set in. Unfortunately, over the last 5 years as our family has grown in size, our family budget has shrunk. I've quit working to stay at home with the boys and my husband took a cut in pay when his company made some changes within the past 2 years. This made it impossible to purchase another vehicle at the time. My husband works evenings and overnight shifts and this left me stuck at home with 3 active boys 4 days each week. I was angry. I was sad. How could God let that happen?, I asked myself. In my mind, I thought that He would take care of it right away for us. I thought that any day, something would happen and we would be able to replace the vehicle with another one. Didn't happen that way. And the boys hated it too. On one of many occasions while I was attempting to find something for the boys to do while my husband was at work, I distinctly remember my 3 year old son, Ezra crying because he wanted to go somewhere. I tried to explain to him as best as I could that we couldn't because daddy had the car. Because of the overnight hours that he worked, it wasn't possible for me to drop him off and pick him up since the boys and I would still be sleeping when he was finished working. He didn't understand. The only other thing I could tell him was to tell Jesus about it. "Tell Jesus you want another car", I said. Actually, the boys wanted a van. I did too. My husband has always joked with me that most people dream of exotic cars, but not me. All I wanted was a mini van. My sister and one of my friends own one and the boys think they are really cool. They are so roomy and our little 2000 Dodge Stratus was quite cramped for all of us to fit in. Anyway, I walked away from Ezra after I said that to him, but I could hear him as clear as day. Through tears and a broken little heart, I heard him say "Jesus, I want a van!" You know, I think it was settled that day. I knew in my heart that Jesus was gonna get us a van! But it didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen for almost an entire year.
But 2 months ago, my husband got a phone call. You know, one of those phone calls that can change your life and restore your faith. Someone from our church wanted to give us their mini van. We were warned from the beginning that it might need some work, but it was ours if we wanted it.
You cannot possibly imagine the sheer joy we had in telling our boys the good news! I was more excited for them than myself! God heard the cry of a little child and He answered!
I'm so happy to tell you that after spending a little more money than we originally thought, and much donated time from family and friends, this was our first Sunday driving to church in our "new" van!
On the way to church this morning, and each time I am in the van with my boys, I turn around and look back at them, happy in their seats and I cry tears of joy and thankfulness! My heavenly father came through for us once again!
More than the van, I'm so overjoyed that my boys got to see their Heavenly Daddy at work. They got to witness divine provision. And they will always carry that with them. I remind them all of the time how blessed we are that God gave us that van! And when they ask me "Mommy, aren't you so happy that we have our van now?", I can only nod my head and say "Yes baby, I am. Isn't God good?"

I look to you-Whitney Houston official music video (with lyrics)

2010-07-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

I Look To You

2010-07-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Seasons. We all go through them. Seasons change. And seasons change us. It's just a fact. I guess it's how we handle the season we're in that determines how long we stay in it and how much of our mind, heart and will is in tact when we come out of it on the other side. I'm convinced that all of the seasons that we must go through are good for us. Sure, we all love it when we're in the "Spring" and "Summer" seasons of our lives when everything is thriving, growing, the sun is shining and everything is good. But how much character would we actually have if that's all our lives consisted of? It's in the "Fall" and especially the "Winter" seasons that true character is developed and true strength is realized. When it seems like all of the life is being sucked out of you, when dead and dry things are all you can see around you., that's when it really counts. I can't explain what I'm going through right now, except to say that I feel like I'm in a "Winter" season of my life. I look around me and know in my head that I've experienced many of those "Spring" and "Summer" seasons, but for the life of me, I can barely remember what it felt like. My heart hurts. I feel like I've lost sight of what my purpose is,my marriage could certainly use a refreshing, I feel lost about how to handle the new set of challenges that are arising with raising my boys, I'm at a standstill in my weight loss, some friends have disappeared, money is almost nonexistent, family is strained, and most heartwrenching of all I feel so distant from my heavenly father. I've been a slacker. I've gotten lazy. I've been taking certain things for granted and it's showing. I feel lost. Totally in the dark. I can hardly catch my breath. I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I've given my all and I have nothing left to give. I've been through so much and have always come out on the other side victorious, but victory is not in my sights right now. I feel like I've been sucker punched right in the gut and I'm about to go down for the count.

I would feel completely hopeless except for the faint song that I can hear from somewhere deep inside of me. I was raised in the church. I grew up singing songs like "Jesus Loves Me" and "This Little Light Of Mine" I know them forwards and backwards. One of my boys favorite songs right now is "Deep And Wide" They sing it almost every day. We've looked it up on Youtube and they want me to play it all of the time. In the quiet hours after the boys have gone to bed, my husband is at work, and I'm alone, I can hear it rising up inside of me. Deep and wide....Deep and wide......It reminds me of how deep and how wide my father's love is for me. No matter where I've been, no matter what I've done, He will not stop loving me. And I find strength in that. Then I remember a song that my husband used to sing to me as I cried myself to sleep in the months after our second son, Ezra was born and I was battling post partum depression worse than I could have ever imagined it to be. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow....Because He lives, all fear is gone....Because I know He holds my future....Life is worth the living just because He lives!

I know who to look to. It's Jesus. The one who will never stop loving me, never give up on me. He's there when I can feel Him and He's there when I can't. He's there in the good times and He's there in the bad. He's there when I feel like thanking Him and He's there when I don't. He's always there, waiting on me. Waiting on you. But why does it take the "Winter" seasons for us to remember this?

I went to the gym today. It's been a week since I've been there. I really didn't feel like being there, but I was. I was flipping through my MP3 player as I mounted the treadmill for my run, hoping to find some pulse pumping song to motivate me. Instead I found something else. A song I've never heard before. My husband is the one who adds songs for me. I confess I don't know how to do it. He must have thought I'd like it. I'm glad he did. Curiously, I let the song play as I started jogging. It didn't take long for the tears to start falling. There I was, in the middle of the gym on the treadmill, running and balling my eyes out. A few people turned and looked, but I didn't care. It was just me and God. It was like we were slowdancing. A love song between us was playing. It was the sweetest moment. I closed my eyes and only by a miracle, I didn't fall . I could picture God, my knight in shining armour coming to my rescue. As I lay in a heap on the floor with all my strength gone, there he was, picking me up, dusting me off, hugging me and telling me that everything was going to be alright. It always is when you let Him have control of your life. With my eyes still closed, I could see myself smiling. I saw myself happy and on the mountain top again. I asked myself why I chose to stay down so long. I knew all along what I had to do, but was too stubborn to do it. I'm reminded of a poem I first heard when i was a teenager in high school.....

As children bring
their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams
to God
because He was my friend!

But then instead
of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,
I hung around
and tried to help
with ways
that were my own.

At last I snatched them back
and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said
"What could I do?
You never did let go."

Author Unknown

My advice to you, as well as to myself today is to LET GO AND LOOK TO HIM!

Would you take a minute and listen to the song that so changed me today....

It's the one above!

I'm A Swinger

2010-07-02T20:40:00.001-07:00

Yep. You read that right. I'm a swinger. But, wait. It's not what you think....

I hated last summer. I was seriously overweight, tired, hot and miserable much of the summer, and really didn't get much pleasure from spending time at the park with my boys.
But things are different now. I love taking my boys to the park. I love climbing on the jungle gym with them, pushing them on the merry-go-round, and best of all, I LOVE the swings! Last year, my huge hiney didn't fit so comfortably in the swings meant for the youngins. But this year, you can probably find me right next to them, kicking my legs and soaring high! I love the way the wind blows my hair and the tickle in my belly takes my breath away. It's like I'm a kid again. The only time I come down off of the swings is to give my boys a push. And they love it. They love having mommy be their playmate and giggling right along with them! These moments are priceless and will most definitely last a lifetime! Just one more reason to keep going in my journey to become a healthier (and skinnier) me!

* "Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things."

Cups On The Ground

2010-06-21T16:14:00.000-07:00

I was just 20 paces past the halfway point of the race and the only thing I could focus on was the sweetest old man smiling at me, holding out what appeared to be a million dollars. Nah, it was just a Dixie cup of cold water, but it was just as valuable to me in that moment. Ahhhhhh, exactly what I needed to keep going. I took a long sip and dumped the rest down my face as I threw the cup to the ground and continued running. I kept thinking to myself "I wish I had my camera!" It was in that moment that I felt like a real runner. Looking at all of those white cups on the ground brought such a sense of belonging to me, it was surreal. All the months leading up to the race, I felt like an outsider, like I wasn't for real. And when I arrived early on the morning of the race, registered, stretched, pinned my number on my shirt, and lined up at the starting line, I still felt like I was a spectator. It was not until I took the cup from the nice man, drank it and threw it to the ground that I felt like I belonged there. Funny, isn't it how it's the littlest things that make all the difference in the world? You know, those "Aha moments?" That was mine. Silly as it may sound, a little old Dixie cup make me feel like I was 10 feet tall!

I finished the race in 40 min. 40 sec. I'm proud of that. I'm just glad I finished. Having my husband, my boys, my sister, and my friend Heather at the finish line cheering me on was a moment that I cannot put into words no matter how hard I try. I sobbed like a baby as I ran across the finish line. It was a defining moment for me. Proof that I could do something if I just set my mind to it. I learned that it's mind over matter, really. Just as much mental preparation was necessary as physical. I'm preparing for my next one now. It will be in September and I'm hoping to shave some time off between now and then. It feels great to be working towards a goal such as this when just one year ago, I couldn't even hope to run for 3 minutes. Baby, I'm on my way!

I Can Do This...

2010-06-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

Right? I can, can't I? I do have what it takes, don't I? I will survive, won't I? Oh the thoughts swirling around inside my pretty little head right now! I'm a mess! I'm excited, nervous, confident, and doubtful....all in one! But I'm ready. At least I think I am. I know how the mind can play dirty tricks on you, so I'm getting myself prepared tonight. To some, it might sound extreme, or even silly, but I think I've got it all covered.....

I went to the nail salon to get my nails done and I had Vinnie, my nail tech hand paint 4:13 on my nails so that in case I think I can't go any further tomorrow, all I have to do is look down at my nails and be reminded that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. If that isn't enough, I'll be wearing the necklace that my husband got me for my birthday snug around my neck to remind me that love conquers all. All I have to do is reach up and touch it to be reminded of that. And if there is still any doubt, I'll be carrying a picture of my 3 sons in my sock to remind me of the unconditional acceptance that can only come from momma's boys. Win or lose, whether I meet my time goal or not, they will still have hugs and kisses for mommy at the finish line. And one more thing for good measure. I'll have the initials B.I.O.M.W (for Baby, I'm On My Way) temporarily tattooed on my forearm.

I've got my favorite exercise outfit cleaned and ready to go and my MP3 stocked with some good tunes. So what do ya think? Can I do it?

YEP. I GOT THIS!!!!!

I Got A Case Of The Runs

2010-06-16T19:15:00.001-07:00

It's not what you think. It's been awhile and I've got a lot of catching up to do. I've been working very hard towards reaching a significant goal and I realized today that I haven't even blogged about it. I've mentioned it on facebook a few times, but never on my blog, so I better get to typing, huh?

2 Months ago, I got the bright idea that I was going to start running. And I decided to register for my first 5K run. It's this Saturday and I'm starting to wonder if I was completely out of my mind to do this.

Rewind 18 years ago. I was 14 and in the 9th grade. Cross Country was the current focus in our Phys Ed class. I think I came up with every excuse in the book why I couldn't run...I was on my period and had really bad cramps, I ate something for breakfast that didn't sit well in my stomach and I was just too queasy to run, my foot hurt, my legs were sore, I had an earache, I forgot my gym clothes....you get the idea. I hated running. Passionately hated running. I'm not sure why, but I guess it had something to do with the fact that I've never been uh, shall we say...skinny. I've been overweight since I hit puberty. And I always had big boobies. Not the greatest combination for running. Somehow I made it through and I managed to finish the requirements to pass. I can't remember how far we had to run, but one thing I am sure of is that I came in last place every time. Great for the self esteem, huh? NOT!

Now, fast forward to June 2010. I'm actually paying money to compete in a 5K run! I AM crazy! I really am! I've been training for this for 2 months. I started out gung ho. When I first decided to do this, my only goal was to just finish. I didn't care about time. I just wanted to finish. Then my competitive nature kicked in and I decided that if I was going to do this, I was going to set a goal for my time. Now I know I can't compete with some of the seasoned runners that will be there on that day, but I can compete with myself. I can push myself harder than I ever have and finish in a time that I can be proud of. The time that I decided on was 40 min. The very first time that I ran the distance, I finished in 48 min. The 2nd was 46 min, and so on and so on. Somewhere around 1 month into my training, I finished in 39 min 27 sec. Whew! I can do this!

But then something happened. I kind of lost focus. I started babysitting 2 days each week, and that took away some of my gym time. I was doing more with my boys since the weather was nicer and that took some more time away from the gym. I've managed to have gotten myself back into a manageable routine, but now I'm cramming in a run almost every day just to make sure I'm ready. And I'm not sure if I am. Yesterday, I finished in 45 min. 51 sec. Your going in the wrong direction, Andrea! Today, I couldn't even finish the entire run. I only ran 2.6 mi. in 35 min. After getting off the treadmill, I promptly walked out of the fitness center down the hall to the nearest ladies room and threw up! Not a good sign! But you know what? I'm not giving up. I am running this race! I would never be able to forgive myself if I didn't. I'm running it for myself. I'm running it for my husband. I'm running it for my boys. I'm running it for every single person who has read my blog and has sent me messages that I have inspired them. I AM RUNNING THIS RACE! But I sure hope there's a trash can near the finish line just in case I have a repeat of tonight! LOL

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Like Mother Like Daughter

2010-05-31T02:58:00.000-07:00

I've never had a good relationship with my mother. There's just no other way to say it. We just never got along. We never saw eye to eye. There has been lots of issues. For the sake of respecting my mother regardless of my feelings towards her, I'm not going to get into specifics. Suffice it to say that we weren't the best of friends. I found out from my father when I was about 16 years old that my mother basically had the same kind of relationship with her mother. Except it was worse for her. Again, I'm not giving details. So, I guess you could say that my mom did the best that she knew how. And it wasn't until recently that I truly began to understand that.

For obvious reasons, I really never had the best self image growing up. And even as an adult, even though it often appears that I'm quite confident, there is from time to time this inner struggle within me where I still battle that. I guess I've never felt that I "measured up." To what, I'm not sure, but it's always there, lingering in the recesses of my mind. For the past week, there has been this turmoil inside of my mind. I'm not quite sure why, but I started thinking about all of the jobs that I've had over the years since I started my first job as a paper carrier at the age of 12. When I was 16, I was a waitress, then I worked in several hair salons as an assistant until I earned my Cosmetologist license and briefly did hair at one salon which I despised, worked at Citibank for 2 years until going on to further my education and become an Esthetician, where I worked on and off (more off than on because those were the years that I got married and was having children)at the same Spa for 11 years. Which brings me to the present where I'm a stay at home mom/part time child care provider to a friend's 2 little twin girls. I started thinking about the circumstances surrounding my departure from each job and I got to thinking about what my previous employers would say about what kind of employee I was. I'm embarrassed to say that some of them would probably not have good things to say about me with the exception of my last employer. Granted, I was very young at all of the others, and I'm sure I didn't have a good work ethic. Let's face it, I was just there to earn enough money to pay my bills and be able to have some fun. But I have to tell you that this realization was a real blow to my confidence level. Add that to the fact that most days now I feel that I have in some way or another let my husband or my children down, and I've got a real problem on my hands.

Back to my mother...I kind of snapped this morning. It was 3;00 a.m., I'm going on less than 4 hours of sleep for the past 3 nights, and I'm up yet again, this time with my 2 year old son. I was tired. Exhausted. Whipped. My husband had moved to the couch and left me in our bed with Hezekiah, with the best intentions I might add. He thought he was letting me be comfortable while he took the less than comfy couch. Sounds great, right? Wrong! Hezekiah just would not go back to sleep. He tossed, turned, flipped, flopped, kicked, elbowed, kneed, and just would not be still. After about an hour of putting up with his gymnastics, I yelled at him...3 times in about 15 minutes. Nothing bad. Just "STOP IT, ZEKE! GO TO SLEEP!.....GOOOOOO TOOOOOO SLEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!! I didn't spank him out of anger. I didn't harm him physically. I just yelled at him. So my husband came upstairs and we exchanged a few words about how I was handling the situation. Neither of us were nice to the other. That did it for me. Sleep was not to be had for the rest of the night. I was mad. Real mad. So do you know what I did? I came downstairs, flipped all of the lights on and started cleaning...scrubbing, wiping, dusting, doing dishes, whatever I could find that needed cleaned.

Somewhere in the middle of my madness, I had a flashback of my mother. She was cleaning. She always cleaned. Really the only memories I have of her are when she was cleaning. Our house could never be clean enough for her. She was always cleaning. And I always said I would never be like that. We were afraid to make a mess growing up. I never wanted my children to feel that way. Guess what? I'm like her now. I clean all of the time. And it's never enough. I could clean for several hours, all day long really and my home would still not feel clean enough for me. Having 3 little boys could have something to do with that (wink) but it's just never clean enough for me.
Then I realized something. My mother's self image was never good as a result of how she grew up, and I am in some way the same way. I'm taking liberties assuming how my mother feels, but I'm pretty sure I'm accurate. I think that she probably never felt like she did anything good enough until she found that she was good at cleaning. I feel the same way. So when I feel like I've failed as a wife, I clean. When I feel that I'm doing a bad job as a mother, I clean. When I feel like I've let my relationship with Jesus slack, I clean. I just clean. It's what I know how to do. It's what I'm good at. It's comfort. It's solace. It's a stress reliever. It's the only thing I feel I'm good at sometimes.
It's taken me 32 years to finally understand a little bit about my mother and why she was the way she was and still is, but I get it now, at least this part of her. What do I do with that understanding? I'm not sure. How do I use it to help me be a better wife and mother? I don't know. Will my boys feel the same way towards me as I feel towards my mother? I sure hope not. All I know is I'm trying every day to be the best that I can be. Some days I fail miserably. Others I do alright. Occasionally I'm an exceptional, outstanding, and amazing wife and mother. The only thing I can do is to pray and ask God to help me have more of those "occasional" days.
Thanks for listening!

Pill Poppin' Princess

2010-05-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

Yep. That's me. I've been poppin pills lately. A lot of them. I mean A LOT! My body is turning on me and I just had to try to do something about it. My hair is falling out, I'm EXTREMELY tired all of the time, my skin is breaking out, my nails are brittle, I bruise very easily now, I'm getting dizzy and feeling faint while working out, I have low energy, don't sleep well at night, poor memory, decreased attention span, headaches,..... So now I'm on a strict regimen of vitamins and supplements every day, several times each day. Wanna know what I'm taking? Here goes.....

*Women's One A Day with Calcium, Iron and Zinc...2 times per day
*Omega 3 Fish Oil supplement 1000 mg...3 times per day
*L-Lysine 500 mg...2 times per day
*Biotin 1000 mcg...3-5 times per day
*Vitamin C 5oo mg...1 per day
*B Complex...2 per day
*Garlic and Parsley...2 per day
*Iron...2 per day
*Fluvoxamine 100 mg...1 per day
*Super Hero Gummies multivitamin...1 per day.....Oops, sorry, that's my boys...I got carried away pulling bottles out of the basket!

In case you lost count, that's a minimum of 18 pills per day! Good googa mooga...I could barely remember to take 1 multivitamin each day before! I know it's crazy, right? It seems that the old saying "An apple a day keeps the doctor away" has changed slightly since I was a kid. Seriously, these are all the supplements that my dr. told me I should start taking since speaking with him about all these things I'm experiencing lately in my body. Well it's worth a shot. But really, Vitamin World should give me some sort of discount. Vitamins are expensive!
Oh, and not to mention I'm supposed to up my intake of protein to 70 grams per day from the original 50 I was supposed to be getting. That's nearly impossible without taking some sort of protein supplement. The protein shakes and I aren't getting along so well lately, so I found these little protein bullet drinks at Vitamin World that pack a powerful punch of 42 whoppin' grams of protein in just 3.4 oz. Works for me. Well, except they are very thick and syruppy and make me wanna gag, even with the delicious grape flavor (insert sarcasm here). So I get them really cold and dilute them in water and as long as I drink all of it, it's still the same as drinking it straight. Whew! I didn't know I was gonna have to go through all of this when I signed up for this surgery!
But I'm still glad I did. I have no regrets.
I can't remember if I've updated my weight loss recently, so I'll tell you that I've lost 38 lbs so far. The weight loss has slowed down considerably in the last 2 months, but that's normal the dr. says. However I am noticing that clothes are continuing to feel looser, so I'm probably gaining some muscle mass from working out. My goal weight loss is 90 lbs, so I've still got a ways to go, but I'm in this for the long haul, so I'm good. Peace out! :-)

"Lucky" No. 7

2010-05-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

First things first...if you know me at all, you know that I don't believe in luck, so don't take it the wrong way, I just needed a catchy title, OK? Got it? Good.

Now, second things second...I'm sorry it's been a month of Sunday's (not really, but I'm a perpetual exaggerator) since I've blogged, but I've been sorta, kinda, just a smidge bit busy raising a rascal bunch of 3 boys.

Now, third things third...OK, enough of the numbering stuff, I've got a lot to say and that's gonna get real old real quick, so just try to keep up with my ramblings as best as you can! I went for my third fill on my band today and in a way I really really wanted to go, and in another way I really really wanted to avoid the appointment like the plague. Don't get me wrong, I really needed a fill, I mean like REALLY NEEDED IT, but I was just a tad apprehensive about the...drum roll please..............WEIGH IN! Scary thing, that ominous big black machine sitting in the corner of my doctor's office. Now I weigh myself at home, but it's only the official weigh in that goes in my records that counts. As of the last visit, I had experienced a significant slow down in my weight loss, only losing 6 lbs in a 7 week time period. I know, I know...before you go throwing tomatoes at me, that is a good weight loss and I know a ton of people that would be giddy over that, and I am proud of it, but I had been hoping for more. And this time, I knew it would be less. For starters, I've been a bad girl lately as far as my food choices go, and to top it off, I'm bloated and retaining water right now, so I knew it wasn't gonna be good. I was at least hoping to be the same weight and that I didn't gain anything. Thankfully, the scales were kind to me and I did lose 3 more pounds since my last visit bringing the total to 38 lbs. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

But the weight loss was just the tip of the iceberg as far as issues that I needed to address today at my appointment. I've been having some disturbing physical changes taking place that I am none too happy about. First and most alarming to me is the hair loss. I'm serious. This is no joke. Every time I wash my hair, I end up with a handful of hair that comes out. It's bad. Really bad. It's not like I have thick hair as it is, so this is really bothering me. And I'm really tired. I know that I have been burning the candle at both ends, so to speak, as of late, but it's really hard to tell if it's because I'm raising 3 boys, babysitting two 11 month old girls two days per week, as well as all of the other stuff that goes with being a mom, or if it's really something to worry about. I just want to be sure that nothing is wrong. So, my Dr. gave me a long list of things to do, most importantly starting with a full blood work up. He's checking everything... iron, B12, glucose, folic acid, Vitamin D, and the list goes on. He's also checking for "malabsorption post surgery" and "malnutrition mild degree" whatever those things mean. That last one actually makes me laugh. One would certainly not think of me as being malnourished at first glance, huh? Anyhoo...that's that! Oh, and he actually said I might not be getting enough fat to eat. Imagine that!

Next on the list is to up my protein intake from 50-60 grams to 70! That's near impossible. I struggle getting enough already. I'm still not sure how I'll do it. And I also need to increase my multivitamin intake from 1 per day to 2 as well as adding a B complex, fish oil supplement and Biotin. Great. Just great. I can barely remember to take my 1 multivitamin each day and that's with signs posted all over the house to "take meds". Really I have those signs. I made them up after forgetting for almost a week straight to take my vitamins and other meds. I'm so forgetful.

So, to get to the "lucky" no. 7.....Today I received another 1.5 cc's of saline in my band bringing my total amount to 7 cc's. I am super excited that Dr. Small went with that amount. I've been hungry lately. Honestly, I feel like some days I can eat just as much as I could before the surgery. I've really been trying to pay attention to it, but it's so hard to tell if I really am hungry or if I just want to eat just to eat, you know...old habits die hard.

So, that just about sums up my day. Thanks for following along and putting up with my randomness. I appreciate all of the support from everyone that has encouraged me, complimented me, or admired me from afar. You know who you are ;-)

Until next time........

Andrea

P.S. I forgot to mention that my Dr. wasn't as concerned as I was at the significant slow down in my weight loss, especially when I mentioned to him that I have been running and preparing to do a 5k run next month. He said something about my muscles storing more water or something to help with the physical exertion that goes along with running. I dunno, it just sounded good to me! So, that's my story and I'm stickin to it!!!

I'm "That" Mommy

2010-04-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

Somewhere along the way I became the mommy I said I never would become. I think you know the one I'm talking about....The mama who says "NO" to her children's requests to go outside and play because "I don't feel like cleaning up a mess if you get dirty."The mom whose reply is "I don't have time right now, I have to cook dinner" when her son asks her to read him a story. The mother who says to her children "Please go play, I need to finish up something on the computer ." The mommy who says "Not now" when her child asks her to play a game with him. The mommy who barely takes her eyes off of the newspaper to look at her son when he says "Look at me, Mommy" or "Watch this, Mommy." The kind of mommy who worries constantly about how dirty her house is and spends endless hours telling her children to pick up their toys. Or who spends hours on end scrubbing, disinfecting and organizing all the while her children are playing by themselves. The woman who looks like she has it all together on the outside with the perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect husband, and perfect family, but who on the inside is a hot mess! How selfish I have become. I told God I would never take them for granted if He would bless me with children. How quickly I have forgotten. I have forgotten all those agonizing months and years of infertility. I have forgotten the moments of begging and pleading with God through tears to please place His trust in me and give me children. "I won't let you down, God", I said. I'm afraid I have. The only thing I can take comfort in is that it's not too late to change the kind of mama I am. My oldest is still only 5 and at the end of each day, all my boys still willingly give me hugs and kisses and say "I love you so much mommy." That gives me hope. And courage. Courage to change. Courage to ask God for His forgiveness and to help me to be the kind of mom that pleases Him. It won't happen overnight, I know. But I am dedicating myself to change. Will you ask yourself this question..."Am I the kind of mom that pleases God or is there room for change in my life?" Let's work on this together, shall we?

I DonT Wanna Be A Skinny Girl

2010-03-25T18:48:00.000-07:00

So I've been M.I.A. for awhile. I apologize. It's just that I'm realizing something. I created this blog to be an outlet for me during this journey that I've embarked on. And in the beginning I really needed it. It was therapy for me. I wrote every day and it was a way for me to make it. Now that I'm 3 months out from surgery and am falling into a routine and making progress (slower than I'd hoped), I'm finding that I don't need the blog as much as I did before. I still do, but just not as much. I'm gaining more confidence and I just don't find that I need to write about every little detail in order to make it through the next day. Does that make sense? I hope so. So with that said, I won't be writing every day now. I don't want to feel like I have to come up with topics to talk about if they just aren't coming to me. Hopefully I'll at least make an appearance in blog land once or twice each week. And I may be taking the blog in a different direction too. As I mentioned in another post, I have sort of rediscovered my love of crafting, decorating and the like, so there may be times when I want to share with you new things I've done. I hope that's ok and I hope everyone will still continue to read. My main focus will still continue to be this weight loss/health journey that I'm on and I will continue to give frequent updates about my progress. I want to say thank you to all of you who have read and supported me so far. It has meant so much more to me than I can find the words to express. I love all of you for it!

Now, about that title above......I realized something when I was working out at the YMCA the other day. It must have been "skinny girl" day or something. I didn't get the memo, but I'm pretty sure that's what it was because the gym was filled to overflowing with not only skinny girls, but UNDER DRESSED skinny girls if you know what I mean. Not cute. But you know what? I didn't feel one bit intimidated by any of them! I used to. That's one of the things that kept me from committing to working out before. I was always intimidated by that. But not anymore. Cause I don't want to be a skinny girl anymore. I love my curves! I am really learning to embrace them! I think because I'm working out and losing fat that my curves are really becoming more noticeable. I like my hips, my thighs, my butt and my boobies (that's what my boys call them)! First of all, I don't think I could ever be a skinny girl even if I wanted to. I'm not built that way. Even when I was thin, I always had some substance. I guess you could even call me "thick." But I'm loving the new shape my body is taking. Skinny is just not what I want to be. It doesn't look attractive to me. I like being "soft" and not completely firm in all areas of my body. And that's just how I think a woman should look. So anyway, embrace your curves ladies! If you don't like something about yourself, change it. Do the work, commit and make the changes necessary. And along the way know that whatever size you are, you are beautiful just the way you are!

Can't Even Pinch An Inch

2010-03-17T08:02:00.001-07:00

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, my husband and I exchanged the customary pinches with each other for not wearing green. Secretly between you and me, I purposely don't wear green on this day because I quite like having my husband pinch me wherever he chooses! Of course, I remembered what day it was first, so I offered the first pinch of the day with my husband following quickly behind. We went to the usual places first, with the rump being prime pickins. Only my honey didn't find as much junk in my trunk today as he did last year. He had a hard time finding enough flab there to pinch. He said "Baby, your butts so firm now, I can't even pinch an inch!" Love that man of mine!
As of two days ago, I have FINALLY broken my plateau that I was stuck at for 4 loooooooong weeks! I have now lost a whoppin grand total of 36 pounds! Can I get a "Holla?" Or an "Atta girl?" I am patting my own self on the back right now! Yes I'm proud. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have worked hard for every single pound! Thanks to everyone for all of your encouragement. It means so much!
Now I must go find my honey so I can find somewhere else to pinch him before this day is over. This is so much fun!!!!!

3 Days To A New You (3 days per week, that is)

2010-03-11T16:02:00.000-08:00

As promised, here is my 3 day alternating workout program. I try to exercise 4 times per week and I just keep rotating between upper body workouts, core training , and lower body workouts. I had no idea what most of these exercises were until my husband showed them to me, but if you don't have access to a hunky honey to show you, most gyms have trainers who are willing to guide you in the right direction. Happy exercising....

Day 1
Upper Body

** Cardio: 30 min.before or after strength training** ( Elliptical/Zumba)

*Machine Shoulder Presses: 2-3 sets / 8-12 reps each (24/36/36 lbs.)

*Side Dumbbell Raises: 2-3 sets / 10-12 reps each (24/36/36 lbs.)

*Smith Machine Incline Presses: 2-3 sets / 8-10 reps each (24/36/36 lbs.)

*Machine Rows: 2-3 sets / 8-10 reps each ( 50 lbs.)

*Dumbbell Curls: 2-3 sets / 10-12 reps each (12/15/18 lbs)

*Kneeling Cable Crunches: 2-3 sets / 15-20 reps each (60/70/80 lbs)

*Leg Raises; 2-3 sets / 10-12 reps each (just using own body weight)

Day 2
Core Training

**30 min. before or after strength training (Elliptical/Zumba)**

*Good Mornings: 2-3 sets/6-10 reps each (18/24/24 lbs.)

*Stiff Legged Dead lifts: 2-3 sets / 6-10 reps each (18 lbs.)

*Kettle bell Swings: 2-3 sets / 6-8 reps each (20/25/25 lbs.)

*Dumbbell Side Bends: 2-3 sets / 12-15 reps each (15/18/18 lbs.)

*Russian Twist on Stability Ball: 2-3 sets / 10-13 reps each

*Planks on Stability Ball or Against Wall: 3 sets / 20-30 seconds each

Day 3
Lower Body

** 30 min. cardio before or after strength training (Elliptical/Zumba)**

*Horizontal or 45% Leg Presses: 2-4 sets / 8-10 reps each ( 45/60/60 lbs.)

*Leg Extensions: 2-3 sets / 10-15 reps each ( 36 lbs.)

*Lying Leg Curls: 2-3 sets? 10-12 reps each ( 24 lbs.)

*Seated Calf Raises: 2-3 sets / 10-12 reps each ( 10/20/30 lbs.)

*Inner Thigh Machine: 2-3 sets / 8-10 reps each ( 45 lbs.)

*Outer Thigh Machine: 2-3 sets / 8-10 reps each (45 lbs.)

*Abdominal movements of your choice (I have been experimenting with a ton of these, I will do a separate blog detailing some)

So, that's my workouts. I try to allow 1 day in between to recover, but it isn't always possible. However on the days that I workout hard 2 days in a row, I am very sore afterwards. I'm learning the hard way that recovery time is very important. I feel that my body is adjusting to this workout plan so I am really looking forward to starting a revised plan next week. I hope this helps you to maybe try some of these same exercises. Let me know how you like them. Until tomorrow....

Bodacious Butt Buster

2010-03-10T21:39:00.001-08:00

I am in love (well not really, but sort of) with the elliptical trainer. It's amazing. It has been one of the main keys to my success in losing 34 lbs. and in gaining a new level of fitness. As I was right in the middle of my normal 30 min. routine today, a friend walked into the gym and hopped onto the elliptical right beside of me. We got to chatting and I mentioned how I really like the elliptical and I'm so glad that I determined in my mind and pushed myself those few months ago to get off of the treadmill and onto the elliptical. As I mentioned before, it took me a little while. I did it by adding one minute at a time. It wasn't easy, but it was so worth it. She agreed with me and said something kind of funny. She told me that since she's been exercising on the elliptical she no longer has 4 butt cheeks, she only has 2 now! How funny! But it's so true. Of all the areas I've been working diligently on, my buns are lookin mighty fine if I do say so myself. Seriously, I have no flab there. I haven't tried it, but I really think you could bounce a quarter off my tushy now! And with my new cute undies on, I think I look hot! And most importantly, my honey likes the results too! I have caught him looking at me from across the room, admiring my new look.
If you haven't tried the elliptical before, you really should. I wanted to share some information with you about the elliptical that I found on a website. Maybe this will give you more of an idea what it can really do for you.....

http://http://www.ellipticaltrainers.com/articles/elliptical_treadmill.htm
Elliptical Trainers

Elliptical trainers are relatively new to the family of fitness equipment, as compared to treadmills. They have increased in popularity during the last few years. And, perhaps at the rate they are going, these fitness machines will someday surpass the treadmill in popularity! But, do they deliver what they promise?

Elliptical trainers allow the athlete to burn a similar number of calories as jogging...but without the risk of injury to the back, knees, hips, or ankles. Your feet never leave the pedals. As a result, this type of machine is quite low-impact and goes easy on the joints. In fact, whereas exercising on a treadmill requires your body to absorb the impact force of walking or running, exercising on an elliptical can be compared to running in midair.

Because ellipticals are so low-impact and easy on the joints, this type of exercise equipment may very well be one of the best choices for older people or for individuals who are recovering from a joint injury.

Elliptical machines mimic the normal elliptical motion of the foot, the extension of the leg, and the rotation of the hip during walking or running. This motion uses all the leg muscles, giving you a total lower-body workout.

But, WAIT! There's more! Elliptical motion machines ALSO simultaneously work the upper body (unlike the treadmill, which works only the lower body)! As the feet go through their elliptical motion, the hands grip the moving handlebars, exercising the arms. The movement of the dual handlebars mimics cross-country skiing. Now, this particular type of workout may not necessarily pump you up to look like a bodybuilder. However, because you are including the upper 30% of your body in your workouts, the results will be more efficient. (And, those arms will be toned in no time!)

Because elliptical trainers DO work the upper and lower body simultaneously, the heart rate climbs more quickly. Thus, less time is required to achieve more results. The amount of energy expended is optimized. As the legs are being worked, the back, shoulders, chest, biceps, and triceps are also working ...making it possible to burn more calories in less time. (An optimal workout need only be about 20-30 minutes long.)

Some elliptical devices offer the option of shutting down the handlebars and working only the lower body. Even when this option is available, it evidently is not used very often ...likely because individuals appreciate being able to work the entire body at one time.

The foot pedals can be worked in a forward or reverse direction. When you change the direction of the pedals, you'll target your lower body in different ways. It is nice to be able to add versatility to your elliptical workouts, and such a change works to ensure optimal training of the leg muscles.

The intensity level can be adjusted on elliptical equipment to fit your personal level of fitness. Resistance may be added as desired to increase the workload on your legs throughout the forward or backward stride. With such an efficient workout, you can say 'goodbye' to flabby thighs and derrieres!

Previous studies have shown that working out on an elliptical unit can trick the body into believing it is working easier than it actually is. Therefore, as you're burning more calories in less time on an elliptical trainer, your body feels as though it doesn't have to work as hard to achieve its goals. This phenomenon is known as the "Rate of Perceived Exertion."

Additional benefits of elliptical training include its ability to build bone density and to inhibit the onset of osteoporosis. Everyone needs strong, healthy bones. This is especially a concern as we grow older, and our body's bone mass begins to deteriorate. Elliptical exercise can inhibit bone deterioration and actually improve bone thickness.

An elliptical device is safe to use (i.e. it stops when you stop). It uses very little electricity and is economical to operate. Because of its lesser impact, there is less wear and tear of the machine, making maintenance quite low. It has a small footprint, so it takes up less floor space than other fitness equipment. And, as with the treadmill, it allows you to exercise in a controlled environment for more comfort and convenience.

With all the benefits and the practicality of elliptical training machines, they just might end up exceeding the treadmill in popularity!

Reminder

No matter what type of exercise or fitness equipment you may prefer, remember to always consult with your health professional before beginning any exercise program!

In addition to sharing this information with you, I wanted to also show you my new exercise program that I've been using for the past few weeks. However, it's in my husband's weightlifting notebook which he has with him at work tonight, so it will have to wait until tomorrow. It is always a good idea to change things up every so often, so this will be my last week using this particular program and my husband is working on a new one for me to begin next week. When that is complete, I'll share that as well. Until tomorrow.....

This Little Piggy Went To The Restaurant...

2010-03-08T17:01:00.001-08:00

During the past month or so I've had several occasions to go out to eat with other people at restaurants, birthday parties, and other events. At each of these events, I have been surrounded by people who know about my current "situation". They all know I've had lap band surgery. And I hate it. It's not enjoyable for me at all. Whether it's really the case or whether it's all in my head, I feel like people are staring at me. Like they are watching just what and how much I put on my plate and how quickly I shovel it in. And the questions. Stop with the questions already. Well, no I really don't want people to stop asking questions. But if you really want to know, send me an email, call me, stop me in the hall at church. Don't ask me while I'm TRYING to enjoy what little bit of food I'm supposed to eat. It's a constant reminder to me that I'm different than they are now. And so what if I have more food on my plate than you think I should have. It's my business, not yours. I've said it before and it bears repeating. I had surgery on my stomach, not my brain. Actually a dear friend of mine who had gastric bypass surgery several years ago first introduced me to that phrase. But it bears much truth. I struggle on a daily basis with how much to eat. Even though my stomach says "I'm full" my brain still sometimes tells me to eat. I am an emotional eater. I always have been and I don't know how to change that. Actually I believe it's impossible without God's help. And you know, I haven't been depending on Him lately like I should. I've been trying to do it within my own power. And I'm failing miserably. For the past week, I've known that I have an appointment this week for a second fill on my band and each day that the scale is stuck at the same weight, I wince. I so want to break that plateau that I've been at. I've been attempting to go on an all liquid diet for a day or two hoping to jump start my progress again. Each day starts out good enough. I make it through breakfast with a protein shake and some days even lunch is good. But then dinnertime comes, and then the dreaded evening and nighttime hours alone while my husband is at work. I hate it. I'm so lonely and all I want to do is eat. And some nights I do. Some I don't. I need a breakthrough. Somehow I need God to do something in me to break this hold that food has on me. It's debilitating at times. And it hasn't gone away with surgery. Sure it subsided for awhile, but it's raring it's ugly head back full force. Pray for me please. And please please please stop staring at me while I eat!

Are ya glad I'm back?

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Easter.....

2010-03-06T17:32:00.001-08:00

WARNING.....A boatload of pics to follow. And I do mean A BOATLOAD! I warned ya.....

The top of my computer armoire...
Love these his and hers bunnies...

I am absolutely obsessed with birds and nests lately. Thanks to my sister who introduced me to them. This is one of my newest. The bird is pewter. Isn't it sweet?

Love love love this bunny! I got it for $3.99 at my fav store-The Christmas Tree Shoppe. I roughed it up a bit and added some stain to give it some character. I love it so much, I got 2!

Again, from my fav store....

Don't ya love the sweet little child's bracelet hanging from her foot? I paid .25 for it at a Thrift Store. It says HOPE on the charm...

I need to be reminded daily. The "nest" that the rock is sitting in is made of shredded song book paper. Another fabulous idea from my sister Melissa from http://thevintageattic.blogspot.com

Nest from....guess.....

My centerpiece for my dining room table...

sweet little birdie from The Dollar Store. Of course it wasn't this cute when I bought it. It was an ugly rusty brown color. I painted it white and roughed it up a bit. It holds a little tea light...

Dining room. Don't ya just love the chocolate bunny? Don't worry. It's fake. I can't eat it. I tried!

Another little nest I created with odds and ends...

I think this is my most favorite new Easter decoration. It reminds me of my 3 sons. Speak no evil. Hear no evil. See no evil.

Cute little Easter shoes I found at Goodwill. Inspired yet again by my sister.

I painted this old ladder that I got many years ago at an auction for $2.00. And I made the sign to remind myself several times each day to relax. It really isn't working for me though...

I am in love with all of the stuff on this side table. All my favorite colors. One of my favorite sayings. And of course, my 3 favorite boys...

There they are. My 3 sons. Aren't they handsome?

Sitting on my coffee table. The tray was given to me by a good friend, Tamera. http://thestonefencecottage.blogspot.com The birdcage/gazebo from a yard sale. The candle bought cheap and decorated up to fit my decor...

Another pewter birdie..

I couldn't get a really good picture of these eggs. The glare is bad. But they are adorable. They look really vintage in person...

Top of my television armoire. My sister helped me do this one. Didn't she do a good job?

I love my sign. It was an ugly countryish shade of red, which I really really don't like the country style of decorating, so I painted it to suit me. Love it!!!!

And I love my birdie too...

On my bedroom door...

Ain't it sweet?

Super ridiculous deal. The candle was .50 and the candle ring was .50. I bought 3!

I fell in love with this bell when I saw it. I just had to have it. It sits on my kitchen counter now. My 5 year old likes for me to ring it when their meal is ready. Isn't he silly?

Easter eggs waiting to be decoupaged. Love this! It's really a message in a bottle. It has one of my favorite quotes...Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the number of moments that take our breath away! (tears)

Oh, and the little rose my sister made from used coffee filters.

A bottle I made...On top of the armoire in my bedroom...

I love silver!

Thrift store finds...

Mercury glass type candle holder. It looks waaaay better in person...

On my nightstand. I love it! Another thrift store find...

My bathroom shelf. You can see the green and brown polka dot shower curtain in the mirror that I just found for $10.00

That's my new shower curtain. Ezra my 2 year old loves it!

Curtain rings from the thrift store...

Wow! That was a ton of pictures. I hope you enjoyed them. And I hope I didn't bore you. I have had so much fun decorating this last week or so. Now if I could just keep my house clean enough to just enjoy it.....

Uninspired

2010-03-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

For the past 2 weeks, I have been uninspired. I've had nothing to write. I've been waiting for that one spectacular idea to come to me so that I could start blogging again.

But alas, I have nothing. No big epiphany. No huge revelation. No words of encouragement to share with my faithful readers. And no more weight loss.

I'm stuck. In more ways than one. And it stinks. It really stinks. Stinks like a dirty diaper.
And I should know what that smells like. I've been changing like 20 of them each day.

Well not really. But some days it feels like it. Why can't I think of anything to share with you?

Why can't I come up with something to write about? Usually I'm full of ideas to share. Most of the time, when I'm right in the middle of silly mundane tasks, things come to me. And I have to write them down quick. Before I forget.

There have been a few times when I've called myself on my home phone from my cell phone just to leave a message to myself about something I want to write about.

No such messages lately. Just messages from bill collectors. That's all.

Oh, and an occasional call from a friend calling me to vent about their problems. I don't mind. Really I don't. It helps to take my mind off my own set of problems.

For those of you who haven't read in awhile, or if I've simply forgotten to give an update (I'm too lazy right now to go back and look at my past blogs to check if I've given any lately) , I'm at 34 lbs. lost now. I've been stuck here for a few weeks. But at least I am noticing some toning in areas that I've been concentrating on at the gym. That's a good thing, right? No more jiggly buns. It feels funny when I'm walking down the aisle at Wal Mart rather quickly and I no longer feel the jiggling and wiggling that I used to feel. It makes me chuckle each time.

Well, that's all for now. Hopefully I'll be inspired soon and I'll be back to my normal witty self. Hopefully. Have a great weekend!

This Is Only A Test

2010-02-26T13:34:00.000-08:00

Remember when you were a kid and you were watching your favorite cartoon and this popped up on the screen? Annoying, right? I know. Well now that I'm an adult, it's no less annoying than it was way back then. But I was thinking about something today. I kinda wish I could see this screen flash in front of me right before I'm getting ready to go through a difficult time in my life just so I could be warned that something is coming. BEEP.....THIS IS ONLY A TEST.....BEEP.....BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP............It might help. You know, just so I could be prepared.
In case you haven't noticed, it's been a little while since I've blogged. I've been going through something. My heart is hurting. And I really haven't had much to say. I've tried. But nothing comes. So I'm not going to force it. It's taken me almost an hour just to write this much. I'd appreciate your prayers as I walk through this valley. I'm on my way up, it's just going to take some time. I've hit a speed bump in my journey and right now I feel like I'm down for the count, but I will make it. And hopefully, I will pass this test!

Pay It Forward

2010-02-20T18:49:00.000-08:00

You've probably seen the movie. And you probably went through an entire box of tissues too, didn't you? For those who haven't seen the movie "Pay It Forward", the premise is this....a Social Studies teacher gives his students an extra credit activity that is supposed to last the entire shcool year long. The challenge is to think of an idea to change our world- and put it into action. An 11 year old boy comes up with an idea to do something out of the ordinary for 3 people and tells them not to pay him back in return. But instead, do something for 3 more people and so on and so on. The movie gets a little more complicated than that, but that's the basic story line. I watched the movie several years ago and was deeply touched by it.

Yesterday on the way home from the gym, we were listening to the radio and a sound byte came on from a program that was to air later in the day. In the clip, the host was talking about kindness. He said that the world we live in right now is very unkind. No big revelation there. But he went further. He challenged the listeners to do something kind for someone today. Something that would make them scratch their heads and wonder why a perfect stranger would do something nice for them. He talked about how this would most assuredly open up the door to share the love of Christ with that person. It stuck with me. I thought about it all day. I wondered what I could do. But you know, these things can't be planned. They just happen. You just need to seize the moment when it presents itself.

I was at Wal Mart later in the day buying some snacks for the boys and their friends who would be coming over for movie night. I was in the checkout line and an elderly man was in front of me. He looked to be about in his 80's I would guess. I could see that he had his prescription medicine in his hand. When he laid it on the counter, he had a coupon to use for it. The next few seconds seemed like they lasted an eternity in my mind. For a split second, I thought about paying for his medicine for him, but then I thought to myself "How much would it cost?, What if he was offended by my offer? What would the people around me think?" In that split second it took for me to doubt myself, the cashier gave him his total and he swiped his card through the machine. My heart fell to the floor, it seemed. I missed my opportunity. It came and went before I even had the chance to do anything. But then something happened. I heard the cashier say these words..."Sir, could you please swipe your card again, you did it backwards." I nearly fell over. But this time I didn't waste any time. I immediately put my hand on his shoulder and said "Sir, I want to do something for you. I'd like to pay for your medicine and I want to tell you that Jesus loves you." I could see the tears welling up in his eyes as he asked me why I would do that for him. I simply said that someone was once kind to me in the checkout at Wal Mart and I wanted to pass that kindness along to him and I wanted him to know that God cared about him. He was crying now. One little old lonely man. Crying in the checkout at Wal Mart. All because someone was willing to give up $22.04 to pay for his medicine. He stumbled over his words as he told me "thank you" and he said the sweetest words to me. He said "Honey, the Lord will bless you for this. He really will. He really will. God bless you." I was crying at this point. He grabbed his things as I took care of his bill and shuffled out the door, shaking his head and wiping at his tears. I turned to the cashier as she completed the transaction and then proceeded to ring through my purchases. She was almost speechless except to say that it was so kind and thoughtful of me to do something like that. I caught a glimpse of the gentleman behind me smiling as well. I simply said to her that I just wanted to repay the kindness that was shown to me.

It hit me as I loaded my bags into the trunk of my car. Not only did God give me the opportunity to do something kind for a lonely old man who is probably living on a very limited income, but he allowed two other people to witness it, possibly restoring their faith in the kindness of strangers and in a God who cares about every detail of our lives. How thankful I am to have had this opportunity. You know, there have been times in my life, some recently, where $22.04 was a huge amount of money to me. And I wouldn't have even had that amount to bless someone with. I mean, that would buy a box of diapers, or put gas in my car, or buy some socks and t shirts for my boys. But recently, my husband and i have been blessed financially and it felt better than I can even put into words to be able to do this.

So, I want to put this challenge out there. Do something kind for someone today. My opportunity came in this form, but yours may be different. You may have the chance to shovel someone's walk for them, or carry someone's groceries to their car, or make a meal for a sick friend. How about paying for the meal for the person behind you in the drive thru at McDonald's and tell the cashier to hand them a note simply saying Jesus loves you. Think about it. And ask God to give you an opportunity. And then when it comes, don't think about it, just do it. Don't hesitate. Seize the moment. And see what God will use you to do.

And let me know about it. I'd like for you to send me a message telling me about what happened.

May you be encouraged and inspired to make a difference in the life of a stranger!

Eye Candy

2010-02-17T19:01:00.000-08:00

Continuing with my knack for giving you TMI, I just have to tell you about a new website I found. It's my new favorite. You should check it out. Well, if your married, you should check it out. If your not married, don't. Really don't. But if you are, have at it! It's

www.yandy.com

I love lingerie. And like most married women, over the years I have accumulated a small collection. You know, pieces I've bought for special occasions like Valentine's Day, anniversaries and romantic weekend getaways. But I've always been somewhat picky in my choice of such intimate apparel. It's not that I don't absolutely love those hot little numbers that make you blush and cover your little boys eyes when you walk past Victoria's Secret in the mall or that you drool over and wish you would look as hot in as those Frederick's of Hollywood models. It's just that, well ....g -strings, bustiers, corsets, and fishnet thigh highs with black lace garter belts just aren't made for women over a certain weight. And until lately, I've been over that "certain weight." But look out now! I'm not the same size I was anymore and I'm ready to spice up my collection! And my hunky husband is in for the time of his life! I've had so much fun these past few days perusing this website and deciding what to buy. It's almost like I'm preparing for my honeymoon all over again! I can't wait until my package arrives!
Oh, just one more thing....the prices are amazing! They have standard and plus sizes. For now I still fall into the plus size category. You know most plus size clothing is typically way more expensive than skinny girl sizes. But not at this website. The plus sizes are reasonably priced too. I picked out 6 pieces and got away with spending less than $100! If you spend over $70, shipping is free. Amazing, right? So check it out! And give your honey a late Valentine's Day present that he will never ever forget! Go ahead, you know you want to!

Sneakin Out

2010-02-15T20:25:00.000-08:00

You should see me right now. I'm walking around the house in this cute little t shirt type nightgown with my brand new Nike Shox Zipsister sneakers on. So sexy, I know. Don't you wish you could be a fly on the wall in my house right now? I'm super excited to have these new sneakers. For the past 8 years, the only sneakers that I have owned are the cheap $10 no name's you can find at Wal Mart. It's not that I couldn't ever afford a nice pair of sneakers, but to me, spending $50 - $60 or even more on a pair of sneakers was a waste of money. I would much rather have had a couple new outfits (bought on clearance of course) or some scrapbook supplies or a dinner out with my husband. It just wasn't my priority to get a nice pair of sneakers since quite frankly, I didn't wear them much. I haven't been much of an active person in the way of working out before. But all of that has changed now.

I've been exercising on a regular basis for several months now. And I've been doing so in my old raggedy pair of Wal Mart sneakers. I haven't minded. I have never complained. But my husband, being the shoe loving man that he is was bothered by my choice of shoes to exercise in. He made me promise that I would get a really good pair of name brand sneakers .

I don't think he trusted that I would actually do it, so he took me himself this past weekend to get a pair. We went to the Nike outlet. I think the only time I've ever been in that store was to buy him something several years ago for Christmas. It's just not my kinda store. I really wasn't too excited about how much I would have to pay for a pair of shoes there. But he promised me that I would be able to find a reasonably priced pair on sale. He was right. Yes you heard me. MY HUSBAND WAS RIGHT! Oh my, he's never gonna let me live that down! He was right and I was wrong. I'm not sure I've ever uttered those words in our 10 years of marriage, but there's a first (and last) time for everything, right? I found a super cute, luxuriously comfortable pair for $39.99. And I'm wearing them around the house right now to break them in before I go exercise tomorrow.

.....this is my most recent pair of sneakers with a crack in the bottom......

I actually like the new ones so much I'm thinking about buying a pink pair too. Look out, honey! You may have just created a sneaker snob! No more cheapo's for me! I'm lookin' mighty fine in my Nike's tonight!

I'll Take Mine Black Please....

2010-02-13T20:26:00.000-08:00

And no, I’m not referring to my coffee. I don’t even drink the stuff. Not tea either. What I’m referring to is what some people might think is a stereotype. I never even imagined that posting a picture of my husband and myself together on my Facebook profile would draw so much attention. Apparently some of my “friends” didn’t know what my husband looks like. Let me say this…I am married to the most wonderful, caring, generous (in more ways than one), kind, gentle, protective, loving husband there is. He is my soul mate. He is the man that God created just for me. When God knit the two of us together separately in our mother’s wombs, He knew what He was doing. He was creating two individuals who were perfect for each other. He was creating a power couple in the Kingdom of God. He was writing the most romantic and beautiful love story ever written. When we met, we knew we were perfect for each other. We talked about getting married on our first date. To me, my husband is the most handsome man on earth. When I look at him, I am constantly thanking God for giving me such a gift as my husband. He stirs up emotions in me that no one else can. The sight of him… his muscles, his hands, his face…his entire body is downright magical to me. How God could create such a perfect compliment to me in every way is beyond my comprehension. Suffice it to say, we were made for each other! But while we saw what God had intended for us to see in each other, there were those who didn’t quite agree with our union. And there are still those who think we should not be married, nor have children together. And sadly, some of those individuals are family. If you take notice, in describing my husband above, never once did I mention his skin color. It has nothing to do with why I love him so much. Yes I am married to an incredible man, and he just happens to be black. I’ve heard way too many stereotypical comments lately that, quite frankly make me angry. You know the ones I’m talking about. Big bald black man + plus sized white girl = A BIG FAT STEREOTYPE! My husband happens to be big and bald and I just happen to be a plus sized white girl. Total coincidence. Another stereotype…yes I’m gonna say it….big feet = you know what. Stop looking at my husbands feet and making crude references! I don’t appreciate it! There’s more, but I’m gonna stop there. Oh, and don’t get me started on the stereotypes about bi racial children. Enough is enough. Can’t we just accept one another as human beings? Skin color makes no difference. I love what my husband’s great aunt Flora (who’s in her 80’s) said to me the very first time we met over 10 years ago. She said “Honey, it don’t make no difference what your skin color is. We all bleed the same color blood!” I couldn’t have said it better myself. And you know what else? More importantly than our blood is the blood that Jesus shed for ALL OF US! When He died on the cross for our sins, He did not make any specific requirements for who would be made free by the shedding of His blood. Whosoever will accept Him. That’s who. I can’t help but sing this song to myself every time I hear someone making some kind of racial reference or joke……

Jesus loves the little children
All the children of the world
Red and yellow, black and white
All are precious in His sight
Jesus loves the little children of the world

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!

Falling Off The Wagon

2010-02-11T18:34:00.000-08:00

It’s confession time. I’ve been a very, very bad girl. For the past 2 weeks, I have “fallen off the wagon” so to speak. And it’s kind of ironic the timing of it all. If you remember, I was extremely excited about getting the fill on my band just 2 weeks ago. I was experiencing a plateau in my weight loss and I was hoping that the fill would give me the boost I needed to jump start the progress again. I’ve had anything but the desired results I was hoping for. I don’t blame it on anything medically and I don’t think it has anything to do with the fill, but more likely it’s got something to do with a certain “visitor” I’ve had lately. The timing stinks. OK, so I’m gonna get really personal here and if it’s too much for you, then stop reading. But it’s my blog and I’ll talk about what I want to. (insert sarcasm here) I have a condition called Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Among the many undesirable side effects of this is irregular menstrual cycles. Since I was 11 years old, I can’t remember a time when I knew for sure when I would have a period, except for one brief time stretch when I took birth control pills. I just never know. Over the years, I’ve also experienced infertility, elevated blood sugar levels, weight gain, and a few other things that are just too uncomfortable for me to mention. During the process of leading up to the lap band surgery, one thing that my doctor and I discussed is that with weight loss, some of the symptoms of PCOS will go away. This is a good thing. Really it is. But I’m just not used to having a regular cycle yet and now that my body is reacting well to the weight loss, guess what? It’s like clock work now. And of course, as fate would have it, the same week I received the fill was the week before my “visitor” came. I don’t know how other women’s bodies are, but for me, the week before is horrible. I am moody, irritable, cranky and I want to eat everything in sight! And it lasts right on through until the end. And this month was no different. I think it’s also had something to do with being snowed in the house for several days at a time too. But during these last 2 weeks, I have learned the art of “eating around my band. “ And that’s not good at all. I’ll explain myself. Because of the band, and more recently because of the fill, I can only eat small amounts of food at a time. And I am supposed to limit myself to 3 meals per day of about 1/3 to ½ cup of food each meal. No snacking in between. And I’m not supposed to be hungry between meals either. But, if you’ve known me for any length of time, you’ve most likely heard me say that I had stomach surgery, not brain surgery, and while my stomach may be full, my brain still tells me to eat sometimes. That’s what happens when you’re an emotional eater. So, I’ve been eating my 3 meals per day and feeling full off of them, but occasionally in one or two hours, I’ve been eating again. Snacking. On foods that are bad for me to eat. Foods that I’m supposed to stay away from. And while I haven’t gained any weight back, I haven’t lost anything either. And I’m afraid that I’ve done damage. I don’t know this for sure, but I fear that I have. What if I’ve stretched my stomach during these last 2 weeks? I know it can happen, but I don’t know how long it can take for it to happen. And I’m afraid to ask my doctor. I’m afraid of a reprimand. A lecture. So instead, I called the office and asked for something I told myself I wouldn’t need. A coach. Last month when I went to my first support group meeting, I remember the leader of the group mentioning that there are people available who have been through the weight loss surgery process and have been successful who would love to be a support to anyone who needs it. I shrugged it off then. But I need someone like that now. So I called and asked for the name and contact information for someone today. They are working on matching me up with someone and will call me with the information soon. I can’t wait to talk to whomever it is they set me up with. I need to know if this is normal. Well, I’m sure it is. But I need to talk with someone who’s messed up and still managed to pick themselves up and start over again. I really need this. I’m disappointed in myself. I guess I just thought in my messed up little mind that this wouldn’t happen to me. That I was strong enough where others weren’t. Not so. But at least I’m willing to admit that I’ve messed up and am willing to do the work necessary to get back on track. That should count for something, right? Well I think so.
So, for anyone else out there who’s messed up too, whatever the struggle is….I just want to tell you that it’s not too late for you either. It’s never too late. You can pick yourself back up and get back on track too. Let’s do it together. We can make it!

Retail Therapy

2010-02-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

I’ve been dealing with some unwanted stress these last few days. Actually, I don’t know why I said it like that, as far as I’m concerned ALL stress is unwanted. I guess what I really meant was that it was completely unexpected criticism that has had me stressed out lately. And from a completely shocking source. Anyhow, what I’m getting at is that I have a very loving and protective husband who is extremely wise. He knows exactly what will help me when I’m stressed out. The last two days during the boys nap time, he sent me out of the house for some “retail therapy.” And I have to tell you, it worked. I’m feeling a lot less stressed now that I’ll be sporting some new clothes. And I hit the jackpot too! This time of year is amazing for finding sales. I’m a bargain shopper to begin with, but I must say that I even surprised myself with my incredible finds. Altogether, I spent $86 and I got a boatload of clothes…2 pair of jeans, 1 pair of khakis, 2 jackets, 3 sleeveless tops, 1 short sleeve dressy shirt, 2 long sleeve tops, a sheer duster and a pair of earrings. And most of the items were from my favorite store - Lane Bryant. Yesterday I went to the Goodwill and cleaned up! It’s amazing what you can find if you take the time to search through the racks and racks of clothes. I found really nice name brand clothes (lots of Lane Bryant) there. Then I found some things at good old Wal Mart. I spent $66 yesterday. And today I used my $15 off of a $15 purchase at Lane Bryant and got the 3 sleeveless tops for $20! Woo hoo!!! I wish I could show you pictures of what I got, but silly me...I left my bags of clothes in the boys room and I just got the little one to sleep, so I am NOT going in there right now and possibly wake him up. The boy is a bear if he gets woken up. Maybe tomorrow, though.
Now all I need is some underwear and bras and I should be good to go for a little while! And I really really need underwear too! I know it’s TMI, but they are falling off of me! I’m finding myself constantly tugging at them to keep them up! My husband just looks at me and shakes his head. I know what he’s thinking though….thongs! OK, maybe 1 new pair of those, but I need some normal every day underwear too! And I'm just not ready to brave Victoria's Secret yet either. But I'm not going for the plain white granny underwear that's been my underwear of choice for the past several years. I need some cute stripes and plaids and polka dot underwear. Maybe a pair of boy shorts. I think that's what they're called. Oh and some lacy ones too! Ooh, I'm gonna have so much fun picking them out! I can hardly wait! I know, I know. It's the little things that excite me. It doesn't take much. I guess you know what I'll be doing tomorrow at nap time, don't ya? Guess I better go make some space in my underwear drawer right now. This is gonna be soooo much fun! Until tomorrow....

Message In A Bottle

2010-02-06T18:40:00.000-08:00

What can you do with 3 empty sparkling grape juice bottles left over from New Years Eve? Lots, I tell ya! Start off by soaking the bottle in warm water to remove the label...

Next, stamp an image on old brown paper and color the image in using your kids coloring pencil stash....

Modge Podge bits and pieces of paper, flowers, buttons, ribbon, and rope on.......

Turn upside down in a coffee cup to dry....LOL.......

Wait 3 days for the Mod Podge to dry because you caked on way too much, and VOILA......

The cutest little craft project you ever did see......

Oh yeah, and add a pink jewel. Can't forget that.......

embellish with a tag and beads......

Don't forget Cupid cause it's almost Valentine's Day......

LOVE it!

Now, what do you do with a LOVE sign that you got for a gift but it doesn't fit in with the decor of your home?

Spend an hour taking it apart, regretting every second of it while saying to yourself "Why did I ever think this was a good idea?"

Calm yourself with some hot chocolate and get to painting, girl! Gather some paper, stamps, ribbon, and of course Mod Podge! And put it all back together again (easier said than done).....

But it is cute, isn't it?

My man and I....we're 2 of a kind....

And that my friends is how I spent my week! How about you?

I'm A Sick-O

2010-02-05T19:49:00.001-08:00

I should have known. Last night right in the middle of the mall, my one year old threw up all over me. Up my sleeves, down the front of my shirt, on my jeans, even on my boots. I thought it was just because he was jumping around in the play area and then stuffed his mouth full with a peanut butter cracker. But alas, I was wrong. I caught his virus. I woke up in the middle of the night moaning and groaning in pain. Don't ya hate that feeling when you know your sick, but you try your very best not to throw up? And then when you finally do, you feel better for a little while until the vicious cycle starts all over again. Yuck! I hate this! I even had to go to Wal Mart feeling like this. It was my normal grocery day so it had to be done. We were out of everything. And I almost lost it right in the middle of Wal Mart. Thankfully I made it home without embarrassing myself totally. I had to call my doctor because I was warned before my surgery that vomiting can be dangerous for me. The band could slip and cause a hernia and then I would need lots of tests and possible surgery to correct the problem. Rather than giving me a prescription for the vomiting right away, they advised me to....get this.....go on full liquids for 2 days! Are you kidding me? Again? This is getting ridiculous already! But I do understand. At least with only liquids, there is less of a likelihood of vomiting. So, here I go again! While I was at Wal Mart, without thinking I bought my old standby for when I'm not feeling well - Ginger Ale. It's my favorite thing to sip on when I'm sick. But I forgot that I'm not supposed to have anything carbonated. It could cause bloating and possibly stretch the stomach out. And that's not good at all. So, I asked about it when I called the doctor. He told me that I could still have it if I really needed to. I just have to let it sit out for awhile to let all of the fizz go away before I drink it. Fair enough. So that's what I did. It's the only thing I've had all day. I haven't even taken my multi vitamin. I'm afraid to. I'm such a baby when I'm sick. If even the slightest thing makes me gag, I'm done. If the gagging starts, vomiting is sure to follow. I've always had a weak stomach. Even as a child, my older sisters (Missy, you know you did it too! ) would tease me by pretending to pick their noses or some silly stuff like that just to see me gag. I couldn't take it. And I still can't. My poor husband, who works nights, got no sleep today because he was taking care of me and the boys. He was on dirty diaper duty all day long! Even the smell of a dirty diaper sent me reeling today! Hopefully this will pass and I'll be back to "normal" in no time. One good thing, though. Maybe my not-so-friendly scales will finally budge again! Here's hoping!

Take A Picture, It Lasts Longer....

2010-02-04T20:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like all eyes were on you? It's unsettling, isn't it? That's how I feel every time I walk into church lately. It's really the only place I go where lots of people know me, since I don't really work anymore. Oh yeah, church and the gym. I know that people are just curious, but it's still somewhat uncomfortable. The difference between the 2 places, though is that at church, people are curious for good reasons. It's the place where I've received the most encouragement and support from everyone I talk to. But at the gym, I feel like people are staring at me like, who does this fat woman think she is? It's funny how the 2 places make me feel completely different. When I walk into church and I hear one compliment after another on my long walk from taking the boys to their classes to the other side of the building to the main sanctuary, I can feel myself standing a little taller along the way with each compliment. By the time I reach my destination, I almost feel like my face is gonna explode from smiling so much. My church family...their the best!

Now, the gym is a different story. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. I feel fine and perfectly at ease when I'm on the cardio side on the elliptical, but as soon as I set foot on the side with the weights and machines, I feel like all eyes are on me. Like everyone is watching me, waiting for me to make a mistake, fall off of a piece of equipment, or drop a weight. I honestly don't think I would have the guts to keep going if it weren't for my husband. He is such an encouragement to me in the gym. He's been working out for over 30 years and the gym is like his second home. He's spent years researching all types of exercises programs, supplements and even did some personal training for awhile years ago. I trust him to lead me in the right direction. And just when I'm feeling really self conscious on a particular piece of equipment or with a certain exercise, he's right there beside me, helping me to do it the right way. It's like he has radar and he knows when I need him to help me or just for some moral support. And he pushes me too. He has more faith in my ability to exercise than me. If I think I can only do 25 lbs on something, he puts 30 on the machine, or if I say I'm done after 8 reps, he makes me do 10. Sure I complain at the time, but when I'm finished, I'm so glad I gave it that extra effort. And I'm so glad he believed in me. I would be lost without him in the gym. And in life. He's my partner and I'm so glad God blessed me with him. And for sure, he's one person I don't mind staring at me. He can look me up and down ALLLLL DAY LONG! Grrrrrr.......

Shrinky Dink

2010-02-03T20:22:00.000-08:00

I've been doing some shrinking lately, but not the kind you might think I'm talking about.
I'm not ashamed to admit it. Well, ok...maybe just a tad bit. But I've been seeing a psychiatrist once a month since about 2 months before my surgery. And to be honest, it's been great for me. I think I mentioned this in a previous blog, and if I didn't, if you've known me for any length of time, I have always been up front about struggling with Post Partum Depression after my youngest 2 sons were born. And I've been on and off with the depression ever since. Well, one of the things both my husband and I were concerned about with the surgery is that there is a high percentage of patients who undergo weight loss surgery that suffer from depression afterwards. So, we decided that it would be a good idea to talk with my doctor about our concerns. My family doctor, who has little experience treating depression, referred me to Dr. Fawaz. From the first meeting with him, I have always felt very comfortable and at ease talking openly about my struggles. In fact, I remember at my first appointment, when I walked into his office, there were 2 places to sit. A chair and a couch. I joked with him that I was NOT gonna sit on that couch. EVER! You know, there's that stigma associated with psychiatrists and couches....I always head straight for the chair! Anyhow, I've seen him regularly since then and I am currently taking 2 prescriptions to help me through this time. Actually, as of today, I'm only taking one. I'm doing well, so we decided to try it with only one and see how it goes. I like him. I mean, as a doctor. And I trust him. That's important. Except there's this thing. At every appointment, he always talks about food. It starts out innocent enough. He'll ask me something like..."Do you miss food?" Or, "How are you doing with your eating?" Then, he'll ask me if there's anything in particular that I miss. Like, chocolate, or salty snacks, or meat, or.....Then he'll start telling me some of his favorite foods! He'll go on and on about this kind of bread that he likes, or he'll tell me that his favorite chocolate is Ghiardelli. Then I get hungry for those exact same things!!! So today, when he started, I jokingly said, "OK, that's enough, your making me hungry!" I think he got the point. I dunno, maybe he's using some secret psychiatrist mind game thing. Maybe he can tell alot about me by my reactions to what he's talking about or something. Just a thought. But for some reason, I always feel better after talking with him. Like someone other than my family (who are supposed to care about me anyhow) cares about my success. It's encouraging. Well, of course I am paying for him to care, aren't I?
And you know what else I like about my monthly appointments? The drive to and from his office. It takes about 20-25 minutes to get there and the same to get back home. It's a peaceful drive with pretty scenery. I usually schedule my appointments during the boys naptime and when my husband is home. So, it's a nice break after a stressful morning. And today was especially nice. My appointment was over fairly quickly, so I knew the boys would still be asleep. Before I went home, I stopped off at the furniture store where we've bought all of our furniture for the past 10 years. Were in need of a sectional. We don't have enough seating in our living room right now, so were looking to upgrade. It was a nice stroll through the store browsing through all the lovely things. And I think I found one that I really like. And it's a good price too!
So, yay for me!!!!
It's been a good day today!

If you are in need of a pstchiatrist, I highly recommend Dr. Jamal Fawaz. You can contact him at...

Brook Lane
P.O. Box 1945
Hagerstown, MD 21742
301-733-0330
brooklane.org

The Curious Case Of The Confiscated Candlesticks And Tales Of The Troublesome Toilet Paper

2010-02-02T18:27:00.001-08:00

I think all of you, my faithful readers could use a break from listening to me whine about the woes of weight loss for one night, so I thought it would be interesting to give you a little view through the window of my world in the wonderful joys of raising 3 boys!

I love candles and even more than candles, I love candlesticks. I don't have many, but the ones I do have I love. My favorites are these 2 cute white ones with crystal dangly things hanging from them. I'm sure there's a name for the dangly things, but I don't know what it is. Then there's this one silver one I found at a thrift store yesterday for 99 cents. A creative idea that I borrowed from my sister was to roll pages from old books up to look like a taper candle and use in the holders instead of a candle. Purely for decorative purposes, of course. So that's what I did. I've already had the white ones on display in my dining room for awhile and I found the "perfect" spot for the silver one right smack in the center of my coffee table. Well, I thought it was the perfect spot. But I'll get to that in just a sec. I made my "candles" this morning and boy did they look cute. Shortly before my husband put the boys down for a nap today, I left the house to run some errands. When I returned to the house 3 hours later, the candles were missing....

OK, so it's not like I can't whip up some new ones in 30 seconds, but I kinda flipped out. "Who took my candles", I screeched! Empty blank stares from all 3 boys was all I got in response.

I already knew who took them. I always know who did it when something disappears in the house lately. It's my 20 month old son, Hezekiah. The boy is the very definition of mischief. Look it up in Websters, I'm sure you'll find his mug right there beside of the word. His mind is always wandering, trying to find the next thing to get into. I narrowed my inquisition to him...."ZEEKIE (my nickname for him) WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MOMMY'S CANDLESTICKS?" Immediately he got down on his hands and knees like he was searching for them. He's 1 which means he has the memory of an 80 year old so he probably didn't even remember taking them. I looked everywhere I could think...in the toy box, in the trash, under the coffee table, behind the couch (I did find 2 missing sippy cups there), upstairs, downstairs...they were nowhere to be found. Like I said, I could easily make new ones, but for some reason, this just irritated me. Anyhow, I quickly forgot about it in the chaos of changing diapers, getting dinner on the table, and clearing the dining room table of my craft clutter. When I lifted Zeke up to put him in his high chair for dinner, I found one of them. The poor thing (the candle, I mean) was all crumbled up and stuffed into his high chair seat along with 2 clothes pins and a kids bowling ball. Yeah, that makes total sense now!
Silly me. Why didn't I think to look there? It's so obvious of a place to hide them!

Mystery solved. Well, not quite. The other one is still missing. Eh, I'm sure I'll find it in the most obvious spot of all when I'm not even looking, like probably in my underwear drawer!

So, I have this thing. Yes, another pet peeve. I think this makes 10 that I've told you about since starting my blog. It has to do with the toilet paper in the bathroom. First of all, I like it to be "over" not "under." And secondly, men...when the roll is empty, don't just get a new one out and sit it on top of the old one. Change it. Replace the dang thing! Throw the old one away! But in 10 years of marriage, my hunka hunka handsome hubby hasn't learned that it bothers me. I'm not complaining. Actually it makes me chuckle each time he does it now. It only slightly bothers me, but not enough to....let's say....make him suffer for it (wink wink). So what do you think I saw when I walked into the bathroom this evening? Yep, you guessed it! A new roll of toilet paper resting atop the old empty cardboard tube. Oh well, I'll choose my battles. This one is no biggie.

Now, leaving dirty dishwater in the sink...that's a biggie. But not this one.

OK, I'm done rambling for now. I'm off to make more candles. Have a great day!

Feelin A Little Tipsy

2010-02-01T19:36:00.000-08:00

Remember that Tip Of The Day that I promised a little while ago? Ummm, yeah…about that…..I’m sorry. I kinda fell off the wagon with it. Sorry about that. So I’m going to make it up to you today with lots and lots of little things we can do to “Nix Fat, Not Flavor” in our daily food choices. So, here goes…..

*Opt for spray butter on whole grain toast or use spray salad dressing on fresh salads.

*Add a spoonful of Greek yogurt and salsa to a baked potato. Or bake potato skins in the oven and sprinkle with Parmesan cheese or drizzle with ketchup.

*Drink nonfat or 1% milk. Mix whole and 2% milk gradually changing the ratio of both until you are solely drinking 2%. Continue this process until you are drinking 1% or skim.

*When eating out, ask for a side salad or fruit dish instead of fries or onion rings.

*Purchase lean cuts of beef including top round, sirloin, or 93/7 ground beef. Remove the skins and cut off excess fat.

*Try using ground turkey instead of ground beef in spaghetti, burgers, chili or wherever else you typically use ground beef. The turkey is less expensive and better for you.

*Prepare tuna or chicken salad with non-fat Greek yogurt or sour cream instead of mayo.

*Add spray butter and Mrs. Dash seasonings to unflavored popcorn rather than buying the extra butter flavor.

*Use egg whites instead of regular eggs. Replace 2 egg whites or ¼ cup egg substitute for every egg.

*Instead of using butter, shortening or oil in cakes, brownies and other baked goods, use applesauce or prune puree. Decrease baking time by 25% to avoid a dry cake.

*Steam vegetables and add fresh garlic, low sodium soy sauce, or other herbs and spices to enhance bland side dishes.

Ya Can't Judge A Book By It's Cover

2010-01-30T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a timeout today from the normal boring weight loss stuff and giving you another of my weekly Saturday night craft project blogs.

A few weeks ago, a very generous crafter friend of mine blessed my fuzzy leopard print socks right off when she gave me 2 GINORMOUS boxes of crafting and art supplies. They were overflowing with all kinds of goodies, some of which I still haven't figured out how to use yet! There was so much stuff that I was able to share with my sister and a set of young budding crafter triplet sisters from my church and still had so much left over that I had to get another Rubbermaid 7 drawer storage cart to hold it all and that still wasn't enough storage space. Among the loot were 12 books on all kinds of craft techniques and projects...enough to keep my little hands busy for a very long time! My favorite at the moment is one titled "Altered Books Workshop" by Bev Brazelton. I could not wait to get started on some of these techniques. So off to the local thrift store I went where they had hard cover books for 25 cents each. JACKPOT! Oh my, the selection they had! My favorites were the Readers Digest books. What amazing covers they have! Absolutely beautiful just by themselves, but I knew I could make them even more stunning using some of the techniques I learned. I couldn't decide what to try first. I mulled it over for a week before I settled on something. I will try my best to give you a step by step how to even though I forgot once again to take pictures of each stage of the process. I'll try not to bore you. Like most of my projects lately, this one took me 2 days from start to finish keeping in mind I have 3 little boys who require my constant attention. The first step was to choose a book. That was easy enough. This is one of my favorites... The book said to use PVA glue. I had no idea what that was and after searching for it at 3 different craft stores, I decided that good ole Mod Podge would do just fine!

The next step would prove to be the most difficult of the process and as my luck would have it, the most dangerous as well. You need 3 small match boxes for this stage. You can use the regular kind you find at the grocery store, but I just happened to find 3 white ones in the stash of craft supplies my friend gave me. Hold the short side of a match box next to a group of pages from the back of the book and add more until the thickness of the block equals the thickness of the matchbox. Apply Mod Podge to the edges of the block of pages with a foam brush. Let the glue dry. Hold the pages together with bulldog clips until the adhesive dries. Next place a matchbox on top of the block of pages, aligned with the edge of the page, and trace the shape with a pencil. Do this for each of the other 2 "drawers". Remember to space them out evenly.

Place a cutting mat between the block of pages and the back cover of the book. Cut along the pencil lines, removing a few pages at a time. Don't worry about the cuts being super neat. They won't be visible on the finished project. Make sure you have extra craft knife blades. This technique involves a lot of cutting. Start with a fresh blade and replace it for each of the 3 holes. It will make the whole process much easier. Occasionally as your cutting, drop the matchbox into the hole to check that it fits. Continue cutting until you've reached the cutting mat through all 3 holes.

BE CAREFUL OR THIS COULD HAPPEN......

Not to worry though, it was nothing a roll of paper towels, a tube of Neosporin and a box of Spiderman bandaids couldn't fix.

Next, paint the matchboxes. The book suggested you use spray paint to get a very thin layer so that the drawers would still slide in and out easily of the sleeve of the matchbox, but I only had red spray paint, so I very carefully applied a thin coat of brown craft paint.

I didn't need to cover the whole box because only the edges and inside would be visible.

Next, apply Mod Podge to the sleeves on just the sides and bottom and drop into the holes. Hold in place for a few seconds. Don't insert the drawers until the Mod Podge dries or you may glue it shut. Don't ask me how I know this.

Next apply the Mod Podge to the tops of the page and matchboxes and glue the preceding page to cover the mess.

At this point, I chose to decorate the front and back covers. I didn't have to, but I wanted to give it extra oomph! I just used bits of scrapbook paper and inked the edges to give it an aged look. I used Mod Podge to adhere the paper. Oh, I forgot to tell you that you should give the cover a light sanding to remove any grease or dirt left from fingerprints and handling of the book. This gives the cover a more uniform look and makes it better suited for adhesives.

Next I chose some word trinkets to put into the drawers. You could just place them in the drawer and let them jiggle around, or adhere them. I chose the latter just in case little hands find their way to my new project.

You can anything you want to make the handles on the drawers. I found that beads worked beautifully. I found some that matched perfectly.

I added some additional trinkets, ribbon and ephemera to the front cover because you know, More is always better!

I used brads on the binding to add a little bit of interest.

And this is the back cover... "M" for my last name.

I didn't completely finish the project yet. I plan to decoupage something or paint or maybe do something else to these pages so that when the book is open it is beautiful too.

Isn't it fabulous? I think so. I hope I didn't bore you or lose you completely in my explanations. Tell me what you think! Until next week......

What Goes In Must Come Out

2010-01-29T18:35:00.001-08:00

Tonight for the first time since my surgery, I got sick, vomited, hurled, puked, blew chunks, up chucked, threw up, heaved. Whatever you want to call it, I did it. After surgery, this can happen for one of two reasons - if you eat too fast, or if you eat too much. I’m not going to lie, I ate too much. If you remember, I had to go for 48 hours with just clear liquids. Well, my 48 hours was up and my kids had pizza for dinner. I ate some. More than I should have. Not anywhere near what I used to be able to eat. I ate less than 1 slice, but it was still too much for what my stomach can hold. I knew it when I was eating it, but it was just soooo good. I didn’t care. Then I started to feel uncomfortable. It’s a hard feeling to explain, but I could feel it coming. I tried to stifle it, but no matter how hard I tried, up it came! Oh man! I hate throwing up! Why did I do this to myself? Worse yet, each time you throw up, you run the risk of your band slipping or twisting. If I remember correctly, if I ever get the flu or some kind of virus where throwing up is involved, I’m supposed to call my doctor’s office to get a prescription to stop the vomiting. Thankfully, it just happened one time. I’d like to say that I’m never ever going to overeat again, but I know that would not be true. I will do my very best and I’ve done very well so far, with the exception of tonight. But I can guarantee that there will be another time when the food will taste too good or I’ll be incredibly hungry, or emotional, or whatever and I’ll want to eat. And when that time comes, hopefully I’ll remember my experience tonight and that will be enough to make me stop, but I’m not making any promises. I’m finding that just taking it one day at a time is too long for me to think about. I have to take it one meal at a time, moment to moment. And sometimes that’s all we can do. Your issues may be different than mine, but I’m certain that everyone has something that they struggle with. But even though, our issues may be different, one thing is the same. When we call out to God to help us, He will be right there. When we are weak, He is strong. When we fall, He will be there to pick us back up. When we can’t stand ourselves, He loves us unconditionally. And just when we think we can’t make it any further, He gives us the grace to make it one more day. This is my testimony. I’ve come too far to go back now. I’m moving ahead. I’m not letting this one little slip up get me down. Tomorrow is another day and I will make it! And you can too!

The Wheels On The Bus.....

2010-01-28T16:35:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I had been hit by a big yellow school bus. Seriously. Every muscle in my body ached and I was completely and utterly exhausted and weak. But there was no sympathy to be found in my house today. Sorry honey, but you really weren’t very nice about it. I’m just sayin. But I have to give the man some credit. At least he did get our oldest son on the bus for school and took the little ones downstairs so I could sleep longer. I woke up at 10:30, came downstairs for about 3.5 minutes and promptly went back upstairs to bed for another hour. I guess it’s a combination of working out really hard with my husband yesterday, getting the fill on my band, and being on a clear liquid diet again. But I just felt like crap today. There’s that word again. My apologies. But I’m really not in a very good mood today. So don’t cross me, ok? I know, I know. This is not very becoming of a good christian woman, is it? But I’m just being honest. Displaying the traits of a virtuous woman are far from my mind today. I’m feeling more like Peter when he cut the Centurion’s ear off in the Garden of Gethsemane . (John 18:10)

FIERCE!!!.

Have you ever wanted to punch something? I mean really hard? I wish I had a punching bag right now. It sure would help me to blow off some steam. I’m becoming very tempermental lately. Moody even. I sure hope tomorrow is better. I better stop for now before I say something I shouldn’t, huh? Goodnight!

Fill 'er up

2010-01-27T19:10:00.001-08:00

Today I had my first "fill" on the band around my stomach and this day couldn't have come fast enough as far as I was concerned. I mentioned several posts ago that when I first had the surgery, the band that was placed around my stomach didn't give very much restriction at all. My body needed time for everything to heal internally before anything else could be done. Today marked 7 weeks since my surgery. I hope that today I can help you to have a better understanding of what is involved with the lap band surgery and all that occurs after the surgery is complete. This is me being weighed in......

The nurse totalling up my weight loss since the surgery. I was kinda bummed that their scales showed that I've lost 26.5 pounds when my friendly scales at home say that I've lost 30. But I'm not gonna split hairs over a couple pounds. I'm just so happy that for the first time in a very long time, the numbers are going down instead of up!

Having my blood pressure checked. I've never had a problem with it, and in fact I always like to rub it in to my husband when I have mine checked because his is on the high end. Mine today was 116/64.

And what you've all been waiting for......This is what is inside of me now. On the left side is the band that is around my stomach and attached with stitches. On the right is the port that is directly to the right of my belly button just under the skin. In fact, you can feel it if you press on my stomach just barely. This port is where the saline is injected to do the fill, but I'll get to that later. The tube in the middle is what connects the two and how the saline gets from the port to the band.

A closeup of the band....

Ooh, now I'm gettin scared! This is everything laid out to do the procedure.....

Ok, now for a little bit of humor. My wonderful sister went with me to my appointment to be my photographer and we were sitting in the procedure room waiting and waiting and waiting..... for the surgeon. He was 1 hr. 15 min. late for my appointment, but who's counting, right? We were just talking and laughing when she looked down and saw my leopard print socks peeking out from under my now famous camouflage pants and she just had to take a picture of them! Just wait until you see what the bottom half of her legs looked like! You'll have to check out her blog...The Vintage Attic in a few days to find out just what it was!

Alright, back to business. This is the man who was responsible for my surgery. Anuj Prashar, DO. He's just too friendly for me to be mad at him for running so late. He is prepping my stomach for the injection of saline.

Almost ready.....

And here it is....OUCH! Well, it wasn't really that painful. It felt just like having your blood drawn. He injected 4 c.c.'s of saline into the port. Just to give me an idea of how much that was, he explained to me that from now on,I will only receive .5 c.c.'s of saline in future fills.

I really can't believe I'm actually showing my stomach to the whole world! Really, I think I'm going to regret this, but I promised in the beginning to share the good, the bad, and the ugly, so here's the ugly......

A closeup. Here you can see my largest scar directly above my belly button and above them, you can see 2 of the smaller scars. The other 2 are on the other side of my stomach.

Before I could leave, Dr. Prashar had to be sure that I could tolerate some water without getting sick. I had no problem.

Now, he saved the bad news for last. This is him explaining to me that I had to go back to a clear liquid diet for 48 hours. HUH? ARE YOU SERIOUS????? I didn't know that! Well, too late now! It's already done!
Oh yeah, and after the 48 hours are over, I am only allowed to have one bite of food every 5 minutes. It is very important to eat super slow because it takes awhile for your brain to get the signal from your stomach that it's full and I don't want to risk stretching my stomach. Yeah, it can happen. That's how people who've had weight loss surgery can sometimes gain weight back. If your not careful, just a little bit of overeating at a time can stretch the stomach out to where it can hold more food and then the surgery was a waste. Well, not totally, but I don't want that to happen to me, so I'm doing my best to follow all of the rules. Anyhow, Dr. Prashar explained to me that at first, I may be full on only 2 bites of food, so it is very important to eat very slowly. For some people, they can hold more. It's just trial and error until you find the right amount of restriction on your band. Everyone is different. I may only need 1 fill, I may need 3 or 4. It just takes alot of tweaking to find your "sweet spot".

And were done! This is me with the incredible and talented Dr. Prashar. But I'm not biased at all!~

If you or someone you know is interested in weight loss surgery, you can contact Dr. Prashar at

The Weight Loss Clinic
1110 Professional Court

Suite 201

Hagerstown, MD 21740

301-714-4044

My New Friend

2010-01-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

Food used to be my friend. It’s what I would turn to on nights when my husband was working and my boys were tucked snuggly in their beds. It kept me company, never talked back, and never ever looked at me disapprovingly. With my surgery, I had to say goodbye to my old friend. And it was a very hard goodbye to make. But just as quickly as I said my goodbyes, I made a new friend. She’s been wonderful to me and just what I needed in this time of my life. She has always been honest and truthful with me and most importantly, has told me exactly what I want to hear. We communicate with each other first thing every morning. She is the first thing I think about when my feet hit the ground. It's a brief exchange each morning, but she leaves me smiling all throughout the day. But it turns out, I’m not liking my new friend too much lately. She’s turned on me. And it almost makes me want to turn back to my old friend food. Want to know who she is? It’s my scales. We’ve had a falling out and I’m mad at her. For the past 7 weeks, I have weighed myself every morning without fail. And almost every morning, I had lost at least 1 pound. But for the last week, the scale hasn’t budged. And I don’t like it one bit! I liked weighing myself every morning because it kept me motivated and proved to me that my hard work was paying off, but now I’m just working hard with no results. I consulted with one of the trainers at the YMCA where we are members. Her advice? INCREASE my calories and do cardio 6-7 times per week for 1 hour. Not gonna happen! First of all, I’m not supposed to increase my calories above 1200 per day and secondly, I have a life. And that life does not include loading my children up 6-7 times each week to go exercise. So, what do I do? Well it’s a good thing that I have my first “fill” on my band tomorrow. I’m really hoping that this gives me the boost that I need to continue losing weight. And of course I can’t wait to speak with the surgeon to get his input. Stay tuned tomorrow for pictures of what my band looks like and hopefully I’ll get some shots of the actual fill taking place too. Should be interesting. And maybe, just maybe, my good friend and I will make up and be kind to each other again! Keep your fingers crossed!

I Ain't There Yet.....

2010-01-25T18:31:00.000-08:00

……But Look at me now!

I was at the gym today doing my usual 30 minutes on the elliptical and listening to my music on my MP3 player and honestly, I didn’t want to be there. That song “Rainy Days And Mondays” kept going through my head. Today we had both. Lots and lots of rain. I really didn’t want to even get out of my pajamas let alone leave the house, but my dear husband pushed me to go. He really wanted to go and insisted that I go too. So, being the obedient wife that I am (oh dear when he reads this, he’s gonna gag!) I went with him. And we drug our 2 littlest sons with us in this awful weather. The oldest one was at school. After we dropped the boys off at the childcare area, my husband went off to do his thing and I was dragging my feet to get to the fitness center. My husband usually lifts weights first and then does his cardio while I like to do it the other way around. Except I usually use the machines instead of free weights like he does. But I think he took pity on me because he came over to the cardio side and got on the elliptical right next to me. Well, not being one to be shown up, I felt like I had to work out hard with him beside of me. I decided to do something different this time. Instead of working the elliptical manually, I set it to do a program for me. I chose the one for weight loss. This particular one gives you several minutes of intense resistance and then a few minutes of no resistance and over and over again. I started out alright, but by about 15 minutes, I was ready to be done. Then something happened. A song started to play. It’s one by my favorite artist, Kirk Franklin. I’ve heard it a million times. But this time, I really listened to the words. My inspiration was kicking in! I played it over and over again and before I knew it, I was at 40 minutes! More than I’ve ever done on the elliptical! It was just what I needed to hear to get me through the morning! So I wanted to share it with you. I know that I have much more work to do and I’m only 1/3 of the way towards reaching my weight loss goal, but when I look back to 2 months ago, I can truly say that I’ve come a very long way! And I just want to say to all of those people, yes even some family members that doubted that I would ever make anything of myself and that I would be successful in this new season of my life…….

LOOK AT ME NOW!!!!

Persecuted, criticized, been denied and abandoned
Pushed away, given away, some days I couldn't imagine
Getting harder, getting colder, was hard for me to see
Tired of runnin', tired of hurtin', even got tired of me
Tired of cryin', tired of tryin' to forget my mistakes
Tired of bein' in this storm, how much more can I take
Many nights in my life, tell me why
I shed more tears, my eyes would allow
And after all that

Look at me now!
I'm stronger this time around!
Not because I was so good, but somehow
You looked past where I was
And you knew I'd come through cause You loved me
Look at me know!
So many didn't make it through
That's why this heart belongs to only You!
How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through
Cause it grew me
Look at me now!

Had no hope, had no future, even too hard to dream
No one told me, “boy, you can be whatever you want to be”
Then You saved me and You gave me reason to breathe again
Not perfect, ya'll, but I'm gon' run 'til I make it to the end
(It ain't easy when your life's filled with wounds that won't heal)
And you fight through the lies trying to find what's for real
Everyone wants the prize but they can't stand the pain
The strength I needed it came that night I cried out Your name
To my people in the struggle, all my soldiers and believers
To my survivors of Rita, Katrina and even FEMA
(All things are working together for our good)

Look at me now!
I'm stronger this time around!
Not because I was so good, but somehow
You looked past where I was
And you knew I'd come through cause You loved me
Look at me know!
So many didn't make it through
That's why this heart belongs to only You!
How can I complain 'bout the pain I went through
Cause it grew me
Look at me now!

Yes, I've seen some hard times
Some bad choices that I've made fell back on me
But now it's time to move on, move on
Can't let my past hold down my destiny
And even though I don't always know
Why you allow the night to last so long
But when I see the sunlight
It was only to make me strong

Look at me...
Look at me...
Look at me...
Look at me, look at me

I'm better now! I'm closer now!
I'm thankful now! I'm happy now!
Look at me! Look at me!
I'm stronger now! I'm patient now!
I'm grateful now! I'll praise you now!
Look at me! Look at me!

Blockhead

2010-01-23T18:17:00.001-08:00

Mmmm...I just love the smell of Home Depot. You know, that aroma that smacks you right in the face as soon as you walk through those double doors. It's the tantalizing blend of sawdust and paint with just a hint of fertilizer. There's nothing like it. Maybe it's because it reminds me of when I was a little girl and I would walk into my father's wood shop to watch him work on one of his latest creations. Or maybe it's because each time I've ever had the occasion to go to Home Depot, it was to purchase supplies for a project in our home, which by the way, hasn't been very often. My husband is not a "project" kinda guy. I think it's the excitement of a project. The thrill of creating something, making some changes to your environment, or making improvements. I just love it! So, a few days ago when I snuck out to run some errands while my hubby and boys were napping, and after dodging carts and the angry mob at Wal Mart, I ran into the Depot to see if they had what I needed for a “project” I had in mind. A little while ago, I found this awesome blog Punkin Seed Productions and I was so inspired by the adorable little blocks that Kristi created. She sells them on her Etsy site. I decided to try my hand at it. You wouldn’t think that wooden blocks would be that difficult to find, but apparently they are not a popular item at all of the craft stores. I couldn’t find what I was looking for anywhere. Off to Home Depot I went. As a side note, I much prefer the fellas in orange to the guys at Lowe’s. In my experience, the employees are much friendlier and willing to help you. For example, several years ago I had this crazy idea to make our bed really high like those ones you see in all of the decorating magazines. I read in a book that one way to make your bed higher was to use 4 inch wide plumbers PVC pipe to rest your bed frame in. I went to Lowe’s. They acted like I was crazy and they wouldn’t cut the lengths that I needed. The fellas in orange over at the Depot were more than happy to oblige. In fact, they not only made me feel as if I wasn’t crazy, but they gave me the impression that they do that kind of thing every day for silly housewives trying to keep themselves busy with projects around the home. Well after spending $20 on the piping, it didn’t work. So I went to plan B. For the past 5 years, my bed frame has been sitting on cinder blocks that are hidden underneath 2 layers of bed skirts. You’d never know it. Anyway, I’m getting off track here. I quickly found a gentleman to help me with what I needed. He found the exact size of lumber that I was looking for and cut it into little blocks for me right there on the spot.

For $6.00, I purchased an 8 ft. length of 1x3, which was cut into about 30 or so 2 and 3 inch blocks, and some sandpaper.

When I arrived home and walked through the door, my very wise husband who has learned over the years not to question my ideas, just looked at my little box of blocks and sandpaper and shook his head and smiled. I could not wait to get started. This is where I should tell you that I forgot to take pictures of the process. I always do that. I somehow remember to take before and after photos, but get so excited to do the project that I always forget the in between stuff. So anyhow, I found some white paint from my stash of craft supplies and got down to business. It took 3 coats of craft paint to cover the blocks. I think next time, I'll try regular paint, not the acrylic craft kind. But while the paint was drying, I managed to keep myself busy rummaging through all of my scrapbook papers to find coordinating colors to decoupage onto my blocks with good old Mod Podge! My husband even helped me choose the papers to use. He's so supportive of my silly ideas! These were going to be a gift for a friend's birthday, so we chose colors we thought she'd like. My wonderful sister, Melissa from The Vintage Attic introduced me to Mod Podge a few months ago and my life has never been the same. Love the stuff! Oh yeah, that reminds me, I owe her a bottle since I "borrowed" hers and used it all up. Sorry, Miss. I'll get right on that. So, when the decoupaging was done, I found some ribbon and embellishments to put the finishing touches on the blocks. I chose chipboard letters to spell out the word "Diva". Actually, it was my husband again who came up with the word to use. I only had the size I needed in blue, so I painted them brown. I glued them on and put a coat of Mod Podge over the letters and paper. My friend has 4 children, so I chose a charm for the first letter of each of her children's names to decorate one of the blocks. I used ribbon, flowers and gems to decorate the rest of them.

I didn't want to leave the backs of the blocks bare, so I stamped words to describe my friend on the backs of them....

Project complete! It took me 2 days to complete, but I couldn't be any happier with the results! Have I mentioned how much I love craft projects? Well I do! I love love love them! I'm getting all giddy inside just thinking of my next one! And again, just like my last project, because my hands were busy (and also covered in Mod Podge) I paid no attention to the food in the kitchen calling my name! My new motto.....Busy hands make for a skinny diva!

Just Call Me Julie

2010-01-22T18:08:00.001-08:00

I'm taking a little detour from my usual topics tonight....

You can just call me Julie for now. Has anyone seen the movie "Julie and Julia?" Well, I feel like Julie in that one scene when she gets super duper excited because she has 1 comment on her blog, then disappointment soon follows when she realizes it's from her mother! Yeah, that's me. I know, I'm a dork. What is it with us bloggers and our obsession with getting comments? Is it our need to feel validated? Or our need to want someone to like us? What do you think? I dunno. But I find myself checking my blog like 5....or 50 times a day to see if anyone left me a comment. That's weird, isn't it? Tell me I'm not the only one! Please tell me you do this too. Hey! Is anybody listening? ANYONE? ANYONE AT ALL? Yeah, probably not. That's what I thought! Well, at least I know my husband reads my blogs! That counts for something, right? Anyway, if your reading, Thanks! And......does anyone know how to bone a duck? Hee hee hee......

Let's Make A Deal

2010-01-21T18:27:00.001-08:00

My husband made a deal with me. He has been putting up with me whining about how I need some new clothes for a few weeks now. Each time we are getting ready to go anywhere outside of the house I go through at least 5 outfits before I find one that I’m somewhat satisfied with. Most of my clothes are too big for me now. Well, actually I could still wear some of them for a little while longer, but there’s just something about losing weight that makes you want to show yourself off. I don’t want to wear those baggy clothes anymore. I want to buy some things that fit me and in a size that I haven’t worn in a few years. So I guess he finally got tired of hearing it, so he made me an offer that I could not refuse (with a little bit of negotiating and some sweet talk thrown into the mix). We have separate closets for both his and my sanity. Mine is ridiculously organized. All like things hang together, first dresses, then skirts, followed by long pants, then capris, next is sleeveless shirts, then short sleeves, long sleeves, jackets, sweaters, and so on. And of course, all the same hangers hanging in the same direction. His is not. You know that saying that Forrest Gump made famous? Life is like a box of chocolates…you never know what your gonna get. Well, Tom’s closet is kind of like that. You never know what might fall out when you open the door. So, he told me that if I cleaned out his closet for him, I could have some money to buy new clothes. I humored him into thinking that he was in control of the situation. Because you know if I really really wanted to, I could just get the clothes without cleaning his closet and he would never say a word. But, all is fair in love and war, so I accepted his offer. The bidding started at $200. I quickly reminded him that I really need to replace EVERYTHING. Of course, I’m not silly enough to spend it all at once. I realize I’m going to go through several sizes before I reach my goal, but I really do need some things right now. You know- underwear, bras, a pair of jeans, a few shirts, some workout clothes and for my honey, I just might buy a new nightie too! So with that reminder, he moved it up to $250. I still wasn’t satisfied. I won’t tell you exactly what I whispered in his ear at that moment, but what I said got me an extra $50! What can I say, I got it like that! So, this morning I started on my part of the deal. Whew! I didn’t know what I was in for. This is going to need to be done in stages. It might take a few days. But it will all be worth it when I’m sporting a new outfit soon. Oh yeah, I’m not sure exactly when it is that I will get to go shopping since the one stipulation that my husband was firm on is that I will need to wait until we receive our income tax refund. Bummer. But I can wait! Can anyone say…SHOPPING SPREE?

Lift And Support

2010-01-20T16:45:00.001-08:00

Robinwood Medical Center. Green Entrance. Room 122. Every third Tuesday evening. 6:00-7:00 p.m. Definitely where I needed to be last night. I went to my first support group meeting for patients of The Weight Loss Clinic in Hagerstown, MD. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ve never been to anything like this before and quite honestly, I should have gone a long time ago, but kept finding excuses why I couldn’t make it. I guess I didn’t want to admit to myself that I needed something like this. But I did. And I do. About 25 people were there. All of us with two things in common. We’re overweight and everyone in attendance has had one of two types of weight loss surgery- gastric bypass or lap band. When I first walked into the room, there were 3 people there… The leader of the support group (who is not at all overweight, by the way), an extremely overweight woman (I would estimate her to be at least 450 lbs.), and me (somewhere in between). I signed in and tried to make myself look busy rummaging through my purse, for what I have no idea. I just didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone. I don’t know why. Quickly the room filled up and the meeting began. I met a woman beside of me who had gastric bypass surgery 2 years ago and is now a size 8. She’s lost 170 lbs. She looks amazing! Then I met the woman in front of me (the one who I estimated to be about 450 lbs) . She had surgery 5 months ago and has lost 69 lbs so far. Awesome! Then I met a woman who had lap band surgery, like me, around the same time I did. She’s lost 25 lbs. Way to go! Oh my, why didn’t I come sooner? We spent the first 30 minutes listening to the leader speak to us about setting and maintaining goals. The information was really good. Then for the next 30 minutes, we split into 2 groups. Gastric bypass patients on one side and lap band patients on the other. We went around the circle giving our names, our surgery date and how much weight we’ve lost. I heard some success stories and a few who weren’t so successful. Then came my favorite part of the evening. We got to ask questions. Most of the people had surgery long before I did, so they were able to answer all of my questions, and trust me, I had lots of them! At the end, we had the opportunity to sign up for a clothing swap if we were interested . I would loved to have done it, and still might, but everyone there was already larger than me, so I wouldn’t be able to benefit from it. Bummer. But anyway, I want to share with you what we talked about during the first part of the meeting. This information would be beneficial for anyone, not just people trying to lose weight. And with it still being the beginning of the year, it’s a great time to put this into practice. Using the S.M.A.R.T. method, you are much more likely to be successful in reaching your goals.
S-Specific
M-Measurable
A-Attainable
R-Realistic
T-Timely

SPECIFIC…
Goals should be straightforward and emphasize what you want to happen. Specifics help us to focus our efforts and clearly define what we are going to do.
Specific is the Who, What, When, Where, Why, and How.
Who are you going to have to support you in your goal? What are you going to do? What is your goal? When would you like to accomplish your goal by? How are you going to do it?
Ensure that your goal is very specific. For example, instead of setting a goal to lose weight or be healthier, set a specific goal to lose____ lbs, or ___ in. off your waistline, or to walk 3-5 times per week for 30 min.

MEASURABLE……
If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it. Choose a goal with measurable progress so you can see the change occur. For example, “I want to read 3 chapter books of 100 pages on my own before my birthday” shows the specific target to be measured. “I want to be a good reader” is not as measurable.
Establish concrete criteria for measuring progress toward the attainment of each goal you set. When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to the continued effort required to reach your goals.
Don’t make your goals absolute. Give yourself a little room.
Don’t keep your goals to yourself. You need accountability.

ATTAINABLE….
When you identify goals that are most important to you, you begin to figure out ways you can make them come true. You develop the attitudes, abilities, skills, and financial capacity to reach them. You begin seeing previously overlooked opportunities to bring yourself closer to the achievement of your goals.
Don’t wait for inspiration to start reaching your goals. Begin the work necessary and the inspiration and motivation will follow.
Goals you set which are too far out of reach, you probably won’t commit to doing.
A goal needs to stretch you so you feel you can do it and it will need a real commitment from you.

REALISTIC….
This is not a synonym for “easy.” Realistic, in this case, means “do-able.” It means that the skills needed to do the work are available. A realistic project may push the skills and knowledge of the people working on it but shouldn’t break them!

TIMELY….
Set a time frame for the goal: for next week, in three months, by my birthday. Putting an end point to your goal gives you a clear target to work towards.
If you don’t set a time, the commitment is too vague. It tends not to happen because you feel you can start at anytime. Without a time limit, there’s no urgency to start taking action now.

EVERYONE WILL BENEFIT FROM GOALS AND OBJECTIVES IF THEY ARE SMART.

The Secret Benefit Of Exercise

2010-01-19T17:53:00.001-08:00

WARNING: This post may be what some would consider TMI. So with that in mind, proceed with caution…..

Many people have hinted around at it, but no one has actually come out and said it, or worse…asked me about it. But I know people are wondering. And since I’ve never been one to shy away from touchy topics, why start now? So here goes. Sex is better when you exercise. Yep I said it. And I’m not just saying that. There’s research to back me up. Experts have many theories as to why this is the case. They vary from things like- when you exercise, you have a better body image and feel sexier thus making you want it more often to saying that exercise releases certain chemicals in the brain causing your sex drive to increase and actual performance to be better. Whatever the case is, their right. I can tell you firsthand. And if this grosses you out, stop reading. But if you want a better experience with your spouse, then try it. Exercise. Work out hard. Sweat. And see if the experts are right. You don’t have to tell anyone about your little "experiment". We’ll just know by the smile on your face! Hmmmm….let’s see who’s smiling at church next Sunday morning!

Tip of the day....Going with the same theme above, many of the foods and herbs that have been called aphrodisiacs are very healthy foods. Perhaps the vitamins, minerals, enzymes and anti-oxidants contained in these aphrodisiacs are the real key to a healthy love life. Here are some to try: asparagus, bananas, caviar, chocolate, figs, ginseng, oysters, radishes, truffles or mushrooms, honey, garlic, and black beans. Some scents known to have the same effects are frankincense, jasmine, and ylang ylang.
You never know, as you are becoming healthier physically, other areas of your life just might be enhanced as well! Happy eating!

I Did It My Way

2010-01-18T19:03:00.001-08:00

If one more person says something to me like…..”Oh, I wish I could have that surgery. I wish I didn’t have to do it the hard way” or “Oh my, this dieting and exercise thing is so hard, you got it easy” I think I might just slap them. Well, maybe not but I’d want to. All in love of course. So I got to thinking. Maybe people just don’t know. Maybe they have no idea what is involved in having the lap band surgery and all of the drastic changes you must make afterwards. So I think I’ll just tell you. First of all, I had MAJOR surgery. I could have died. It’s a huge risk. Just that in itself is enough, but there’s more. I endured a full liquid diet for 14 days after surgery. Then for another 14 days, I could only eat soft foods…mashed potatoes, egg salad, sugar free pudding, sugar free jello, sugar free Popsicles, protein shakes and that’s about it. Now that I’m able to eat “regular” foods (there are still way too many restrictions) I only eat 1 ½ cups of food per day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner consist of ½ cup of “real” food. I may never be able to tolerate breads, pastas, red meat, and sweets. Some people can, some can’t. You never know which category of people your going to fall in. I can only drink 1 oz of water at a time. No gulping. Just sipping. I need to stop drinking all liquids 20 minutes before I eat anything and after I’m finished eating, I can’t drink anything for 1 hour. So in order to get the required minimum of fluids that I need in a day, I have to carry a water bottle with me at all times. You don’t realize how difficult that is until you try it. I’m used to waking up in the morning and gulping down a glass of water and drinking with my meals. Major change! I’m supposed to take between 15-20 minutes to eat my little ½ cup of food. You may or may not realize the magnitude of how impossibly difficult that is either. Well, unless you have 3 active little boys and are used to shoveling food in as quickly as you can before any of them try to wiggle out of their high chair or climb out of their booster seat, spilling an entire bowl of untouched spaghetti. Then and only then can you know how hard that is to do. I may never be able to tolerate pizza again. I could go on, but I won’t bore you.
And let me tell you another thing. I’ve worked hard for every single pound of the 29 pounds that I’ve lost. I work my butt off, literally at the gym. I work just as hard as those other skinny girls beside of me on the elliptical. I do just as many reps as anyone else on the inner and outer thigh machine, chest press machine, working my triceps and biceps. I do just as many sit ups as the next person.
Then there’s this constant fear. The fear of failure. Every time I talk with someone, they always seem to know of a friend or a relative or a friend of a friend who had the same surgery and it didn’t work for them or they want to tell you about how they lost all this weight and then gained it back. Yeah, not really what I want or need to hear, ya think?
I guess the point I’m trying to make is this. The band around my stomach is just a tool. Whether you want to admit it or not, we all need some kind of tool to lose weight, get healthier, etc. Your tool of choice might be an appetite suppressant pill, or an energy drink, or Weight Watchers, or whatever else is out there on the market. But you gotta know how to use your tool. And the lap band is no different. You have to work your tool. If I wanted to, I could cheat even with the band. I could still overeat. I can’t eat a lot in one sitting, but I could eat now, come back an hour later, eat again, and so on and so on. But I would only be hurting myself. Even with the band, you are required to exercise self restraint. And it takes work! So please, the next time you talk with someone who’s had some kind of weight loss surgery, don’t belittle their choice or their hard work by making a stupid comment. Think before you speak. And know that we’re all in this thing together. We all struggle with something. And most importantly, like your mother taught you…..If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all!
That’s my story and I’m stickin to it!!!

Mama's Got Her Groove Back

2010-01-16T16:30:00.001-08:00

Call me crazy if you want, but I had an idea. I had spent an entire week taking down Christmas decorations from each room and every nook and cranny of my home. All the while, I was feeling myself getting more and more down about putting those beautiful decorations away for another year. I just love how my home feels when all decorated up for Christmas....all warm and inviting. I love it! I had everything taken down except our largest tree in the living room. I removed all of the garland, ornaments, beads and various other decorations. Everything was off but the lights. Then it came to me. Why don't I make a Valentine's tree? Brilliant! I love doing crafts and projects especially with paper. So without asking permission from my husband, (who needs it anyway) I got down to business. I rummaged through all of my scrapbooking supplies, finding papers, trinkets, beads, glitter, pipe cleaners, ribbon and whatever else I thought might look good on the tree. I spread my loot all out on the dining room table where it remained for 4 days. My poor husband and children had to eat their meals on a little corner that I cleared off for them at meal times. Every spare second was spent gluing, taping, glittering, cutting, and inking. I was loving life! And best of all, because my hands were busy, I wasn't eating or even thinking about food. The tree was starting to come together.

My boys were even excited to see it finished! And now that it's complete, I think I like it more than I did when it was decorated for Christmas. It's beautiful. And when I look at it, I feel such a sense of accomplishment.

You see, this kind of thing is my passion. I love creating art.

I'm a creative person by nature and I'm happiest when doing just that.

But it's been awhile. A long while since I've done anything creative like this.

I'm not sure why exactly. Of course I've been busy with taking care of my family and my home. But I did somehow manage to do creative things before.

I guess I just kind of lost myself.

But now that I'm focusing on myself more, and not in a selfish way, but in the way that a wife and mother needs to take care of herself,

I'm rediscovering things that I love. I guess you could say I'm kind of like Stella.....

I GOT MY GROOVE BACK!

And it shows. I think my husband notices. Well I KNOW he does. But I'll talk about that another day.

And my boys notice too.

Their mama is happier.

Healthier.

And that makes all the difference in the world!

One Size Fits All

2010-01-14T18:39:00.001-08:00

You know those tags that you sometimes see on clothes? One size fits all. Lies, lies, lies I tell ya, just a bunch of lies! Now in this age of political correctness I’ve noticed that the wording has changed. Now they say One size fits most. Thank you for that correction. But they still didn’t fit me. Last week I had a couple dollars to spare, and by that I do mean a COUPLE dollars. I was browsing through my favorite store The Christmas Tree Shoppe. I found a few good deals so I took my little basket to the register to pay. I was musing to the cashier that I could never work in that store. If I did, I would most likely blow my entire paycheck there. She then motioned to a little corner behind her piled with this and that. She said “That’s my pile.” She had slowly accumulated things from throughout the store to purchase for herself. I noticed peeking out from the pile something in my favorite shade of pink. It’s actually kind of a berry color. I asked her what it was. She got this look on her face like I imagine the cat who just ate the canary would have. She told me it was a robe. I mentioned that it was my favorite color. She then proceeded to tell me about the incredible deal the store was having that day on those robes. They were regularly $15.99 but just for one day they were on clearance for $1.00. I asked her what sizes they came in. She told me they were “one size fits all”. Oh man! What a bummer! And it was my favorite color too! I could hardly believe it. But still, I couldn’t pass up a deal like that. She had already begun to ring up my purchases so I looked behind me to see if there was anyone waiting. There was no one. I asked her to hold on for one second. I quickly made my way to the spot where she told me they were, grabbed one for my sister and started on my way back. I glanced down and saw the tag. I stopped in my tracks. One size fits all. Hmmm. I wonder…….I turned around, picked one up for myself and hurried to the register. I finished paying for my purchases and made my way home. I could not contain myself. I had to see if it fit. After all, I’d lost 25 pounds by now. That should make a difference, right? Well it did. It fit me! Hallelujah! I am loving my new robe! Every night after I put the boys to bed, I slip it on. It feels so good! Imagine that! Me wearing a “one size fits all” garment. Anything is possible!

Tip of the day.... When putting food on your plate at mealtime, try this. Divide your plate in half. One half of your plate should consist of lean protein such as chicken, fish, turkey, lean ground beef, eggs, etc. Now look at the other half and divide that into thirds. 2/3 of that side should consist of vegetables and fruits and that last 1/3 should be your starches like potatoes, rice, and pasta. Now when you start to eat, have the protein first. It fills you up quicker and you might not want all of the other food if you eat the protein first. It's important to get that protein. It keeps you full longer and gives you energy. If your still hungry, then you can move on to your vegetables then finally the starches. It's also very important to watch the portion sizes that your putting on your plate. The nutrition information given on the labels means nothing if you don't stick to the portion size. Get used to measuring and weighing the foods according to what the package says is the correct portion size. I have gotten in the habit of doing that. I use measuring cups for foods that can be measured that way and I bought a food scale for $4.50 at Wal Mart that weighs meats in ounces. When I started doing this, it really opened my eyes. What I thought was a serving size before was actually 2 or even 3 servings. It made sense to me then how I have gotten so overweight. But don't take my word for it, try it for yourself and see what you find.

Cindarella Needs A Night Out

2010-01-13T19:29:00.000-08:00

I’m feeling a lot like Cinderella lately. Except I don’t have a Ball to go to and I definitely don’t have money for a new pair of shoes! I know, I know…my plight isn’t any different from every other American mom, but it’s MY life and this is MY blog so I’m just gonna go ahead and vent! My life is work, work, work and not enough play! Laundry, vacuuming, dishes, cooking meals, running errands, scrubbing toilets, and the list goes on. And the last bit of decadence that I rewarded myself with is gone. Food! I know I did this to myself. It was my decision to have the surgery. I just miss eating! It’s not that I’m feeling incredibly hungry because honestly the ½ cup of food that I can have 3 times a day does almost fill me up, it’s just that I still want to eat. The signals from my belly to my brain are just getting mixed up. My belly is saying “I’m full” but my brain is saying “I don’t care, I still want some chocolate!” I’m starting to feel like that proverbial baby whose just had their candy taken away and I just want to throw myself on the floor and throw a full blown tantrum complete with kicking and screaming! It’s so hard to shop at the grocery store and prepare meals for my family. It’s incredibly tempting walking through the snack food aisle and seeing those Gibbles cheese curls sitting on the shelf all lonely, just calling out to me to rescue them and take them home with me! Or the Smore's flavored Pop Tarts or the Texas Garlic Toast……I just miss eating like I used to. I love food and I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, my constant companion when my husband is at work and my boys are in bed at night. My only “friend” who was always there to comfort me when no one else was. I honestly feel like I’m going through stages of grief and only someone whose gone through this surgery could understand. It’s not like someone who’s just on a diet. You could be on a diet and still overeat and nothing happens. But if I overeat right now, I’ll get sick. I’ll vomit. I’ll feel incredibly uncomfortable. Always before if I was feeling down or if I accomplished something, I rewarded myself with food. You know, going out to dinner, ice cream, whatever I craved at the moment. But now, I can’t do that. I can’t even celebrate that I’ve lost 25 lbs in my normal way. I mean I’m happy, incredibly happy. I just miss eating.

Tip Of The Day....Here's another meal idea for breakfast. General Mills Fiber One Complete Pancake Mix is an excellent alternative to some of the other brands. When compared to the Great Value Buttermilk Complete Pancake and Waffle Mix that my family used before, the calories are reduced by 40g, the fiber increased by 4g, the carbohydrates reduced by 6g, and the sugar reduced by 5 g. The protein is the same. However, to give yourself a boost, my husband and I have come up with this idea. We add 1 scoop of Whey protein powder in the vanilla flavor and grind up some Grape Nuts cereal in the food processor to add to the mix as well and this increases your protein by as much as 25g and your fiber by 8g. When combined with sugar free syrup, your off to a pretty good start to your day. Don't forget to add some fruit like strawberries, blueberries, grapes or a banana and your bound to have a great day!

Toot Tooot!

2010-01-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

Beans beans the healthy fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot ,the better you feel
So eat your beans with every meal!

I thought it ironic that I mentioned being forgetful in my last blog and then I forgot to give my Tip Of The Day. So today is devoted solely to a meal idea I came up with for either lunch or dinner. I guess I should make it clear up front especially for those that read my blog and are already very health conscious that I’ve come up with these tips on my own and some of them may not be the absolute best thing for you, but as I said before it’s the little changes that add up. So I’m just doing my best to give you some alternatives to some of the less healthy foods we sometimes find ourselves eating because we just don’t know what else to eat. With this in mind, here’s what I came up with for lunch yesterday…..

I began by sauteing one small chopped onion and one chopped celery stalk in just a little bit of butter. I drained and rinsed a can of Hanover black beans and added those when the celery and onions were tender. Separately in the microwave I prepared a pouch of Uncle Ben’s Ready Whole Grain Medley Brown and Wild Rice. When that was finished, I mixed everything together. I then added lots and lots of seasoning…salt, pepper, garlic powder, season all, and a few other things I can’t quite remember at the moment. To add just a little bit of moisture since it seemed a tad bit dry, I added some chicken broth which gave some additional flavor as well. I measured my ½ cup and added a few grapes to my plate and it was delicious! For a normal person without any restriction on their stomach like I have, the normal serving size is 1 ½ cup. Here is the nutritional breakdown….total calories-340, total fat-3.5g, total carbohydrates-64g, total fiber-9g, total protein-14g. The only downfall that I could find to this meal is the sodium content which was 1120mg. This is something to definitely be careful of, especially if you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol. This can easily be avoided by making a slight adjustment to the recipe. A bag of dried black beans has no sodium at all. So you could soak the beans overnight or use the quick cook method on the back of the bag and then follow all of the same steps to the recipe. This would obviously take longer, but it is the much healthier way of doing it.
One other thing I want to caution you about with this recipe is that beans, as you know cause gas. So be prepared for lots of “music” in your house when you eat this meal! Have fun, enjoy and most of all……HAPPY TOOTING!!!!!

Caught In A STINKY Situation

2010-01-11T19:07:00.001-08:00

Never in my life have I ever been as forgetful as I am since having children. There is always so much going on and I'm constantly interrupted and never get to finish a sentence or a complete thought, so it's no wonder I'm forgetting things all of the time. You know, things like...forgetting to pay a bill, pick up a prescription, change the laundry over from the washer to the dryer, or pick up deodorant from the store because I ran out. It's always something. This morning my husband and I planned to go work out at the YMCA. I woke up on time, got the boys up, dressed and fed and was about to get myself together when I realized that I forgot to pick up deodorant when I went to the store a few days ago. So I went to my gym bag to get the travel size deodorant that I always keep in there. Oh yeah, I forgot to replace that one too! Now what was I to do? There are just some things you can't leave the house without and deodorant is one of those things, especially when going to the gym. My husband noticed me searching for something and asked what I was doing. I told him I didn't have any deodorant. He said "Well, I have lots of deodorant, why don't you use mine?" Hmm, there was an idea. I guess beggars can't be choosers, huh? So to his stash I went. I had two scents to choose from...Fresh Breeze and Icy Blast. I chose the Icy Blast. So with my armpits covered, we were off to the gym! I had made up my mind the night before that I was going to push myself harder than ever this time to see just how far I could go on the elliptical. I quickly fell into a rhythm and continued to press on through the pain. I wanted to stop so many times, but I kept pushing myself. I focused on my music blaring in my ear from my MP3 player, I closed my eyes and prayed, I did everything I could do to keep my mind off of the fatigue I was feeling. I finally stopped at 30 minutes and 315 calories. I've done 30 minutes before but never at such an intense pace. I finished up with some stretching and abdominal exercises. When we were finally in the car on the way home, I thought about how well I did and I wondered if somehow the deodorant made all the difference. I think I just may try it again tomorrow! But right now what I need more than Icy Blast Speed Stick deodorant is Icy Hot Pain Relieving Cream cause my hips are killing me!

I've Got Melons.......

2010-01-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

…..on my toes! Well not really but sort of. I just polished my toenails for the first time in a month and the color my boys picked out for me is OPI’s MELON OF TROY! Had ya there for a minute, didn’t I? I used to polish my toenails every Saturday night even after I had the boys, but lately I’ve been neglecting that part of my body as I’ve been focusing on other areas. But I have to tell you that it felt so good! And not just because I was pampering myself. If anyone is reading this that would call yourself ummmm….well, let’s just say “voluptuous” in size, you know how difficult it can be to polish your own toenails. You know that belly just gets in the way sometimes! Yeah I’ve had to take a break in the middle of polishing a few times before, but not tonight! Losing 23 lbs has been great for my body in so many ways! I was actually comfortable tonight bending over to do my toenails! It’s the little things that make me smile! Now if I could just find a way to get comfortable bending over to pick up all these toys off the floor a thousand times a day, that would be awesome!!!!!

TIP OF THE DAY.....We've all heard the saying that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. There is some truth to this. Instead of grabbing a pop tart, sugar filled cereal, donut, or even a cereal bar for breakfast, try this....Quaker High Fiber Instant Oatmeal available in Maple and Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Swirl. The nutrition information is this.....Total fat 2g, carbohydrates 34g, fiber 10g, and protein 4g. When made with skim milk and by adding a small handful of blueberries, the fiber content increases by 4g and the protein by 5g. That's a great start to your day. I've already talked about the benefits of protein and we all know that fiber is essential for our bodies to function properly also. Both protein and fiber fill you up and give you energy. So by choosing this for your breakfast, you are giving your body what it needs to keep you going, in more ways than one!

Yes, Jesus Loves Me

2010-01-08T22:40:00.001-08:00

I have never been more embarrassed or more thankful in the same moment as I was tonight. What started out as a simple trip to Wal Mart turned into a loving reminder from my Heavenly Father of how much he cares and is concerned about every detail of my life. Since my surgery, there has been very little junk food in our house. My boys have been bugging me all week long for some of it. Judah wanted chocolate and “banilla” donuts with sprinkles and Ezra wanted chocolate cookies. I promised them that when Daddy got paid on Friday, I would go to the store and get those things for them. I was out shopping for some craft supplies for myself earlier in the day during their nap time, but forgot to stop at the grocery store to get their treats. When I got home they were quite disappointed that Mommy forgot about them. So just as soon as I got dinner in the oven, I left my husband in charge once more so I could run to the store and pick up a few “quick” things. Those few things turned into about half of a cart full of items, none of them things we really needed. As I made my way through the store, stopping a few times to pick up some odds and ends and finally to the checkout counter, God’s plan for my sweet reminder of His love for me was into place. As the cashier rang my items up, I grabbed my wallet out of my purse and pulled my check card out, which I use for everything, to pay for my things. The total was $36.12. When I ran the card through the first time and it was declined, I thought nothing of it. Maybe I held the card the wrong way I thought. Then when it was declined the second time, I suddenly remembered something I received in the mail yesterday. It was my new check card replacing my card that had just expired. Not to worry, I thought. I’ll just write a check. I flipped through my checkbook to write one and to my horror I remembered that before leaving the house earlier in the day, I used the last check to write out our tithe that we would be giving on Sunday. Oh no! I was standing there with a line of people behind me… no check card, no checks and no cash! I was mortified! These kinds of things don’t happen to people like me! What was I going to do? And what would my boys think of me when I walked through the door for the second time today with no donuts and no cookies. Their hearts would be broken. And for good reason. I promised them. And to the best of my ability, I always keep my promises. I apologized to the cashier and said that I was so sorry but I would have to give him my bags of things and leave them to be returned to their shelves. Just then, seemingly out of nowhere appeared an usher from our church. He asked what was the matter. I sheepishly explained to him my dilemma. I was about to be reminded of Gods love for me. He pulled out his wallet and handed me $45.00! I told him I couldn't accept it. He insisted and told me Happy New Year and God Bless You! I was speechless. This man only knows me and my family vaguely from church. We speak and shake hands on Sunday morning, but have never had a conversation more than that. But he’s my brother in Christ and he was taking care of one of his family! I could barely keep myself composed at this point. I offered to give him his change when the transaction was complete, but he wouldn’t take it. As I left the store and put my things in the trunk of my car, the tears began to flow. I could barely see the entire way home for the tears blocking my view. The knowledge that my Papa loves me so much to care about something as little as this was overwhelming. As I mentioned, none of the things I purchased were necessary items. They were frivolous, in fact. But God still cared. He cared about me and He cared about my boys. When I walked in the door, still sobbing, my husband greeted me to take the bags and was immediately alarmed at the sight of my tears. When he asked what was wrong, I couldn’t speak. All I could muster was to tell him that nothing was wrong, but everything was right. After I unloaded our purchases and sat down to dinner, I began to explain to my husband and my boys what had just happened. To be able to explain something like this to my boys was incredible. Their Heavenly Father loves them so much that He saw fit to make sure they had not only the things they have need of, but the things they desire as well. This was so precious to me. These tangible teaching moments with my children are priceless. All throughout the evening, as I remembered the events of the day, tears have welled up in my eyes. Sometimes we can get so busy with out lives and our daily responsibilities that we forget just how much Jesus loves us. I didn’t even realize that I needed a reminder of this until today. I feel so special and loved. I’m so thankful to my Father for taking care of me. As I’m typing this, I’m reminded of the reason I had no checks in my wallet. Before I made any purchases using my husband’s paycheck, the first thing we did was to pay our tithes, our first fruits. We were taking care of God’s business and He took care of us. If I ever doubted His provision, this was certainly a reminder of it. I don’t know about you, but God is truly doing a work in me lately and this was just the icing on the cake so to speak. What a loving God I serve!

The "D" Word Part 2

2010-01-07T20:15:00.001-08:00

I received so many personal messages today about my blog on depression that I decided to do part 2 tonight. It’s a little detour from what I normally write about in this blog, but I feel it’s important, so I’m continuing.

Starting tomorrow, I will be adding something new to my blog. I will be posting a Tip Of The Day with simple changes we can make with our diet and exercise to become healthier this year. I hope that you will try some of the suggestions.

Now for part 2.…..

Depression is a difficult subject to talk about especially for Christians. We can sometimes feel that something is wrong with our relationship with Christ if we are depressed. Sometimes that is the case, but sometimes it's not. Hormones and lots of other things going on in our bodies contribute to depression.

I found an incredible website that talks about what the Bible says about depression. It is so eloquently written that I don’t want to do an injustice by trying to sum it up in my own words. I’m posting the link and copying it verbatim for you to read: http://http://www.gotquestions.org/depression-Christian.html

“Question: "What does the Bible say about depression? How can a Christian overcome depression?"

Answer: Depression is a widespread condition, affecting millions of people, Christians and non-Christians alike. Those suffering from depression can experience intense feelings of sadness, anger, hopelessness, fatigue, and a variety of other symptoms. They may begin to feel useless and even suicidal, losing interest in things and people that they once enjoyed. Depression is often triggered by life circumstances, such as a loss of job, death of a loved one, divorce, or psychological problems such as abuse or low self-esteem.

The Bible tells us to be filled with joy and praise (Philippians 4:4; Romans 15:11), so God apparently intends for us all to live joyful lives. This is not easy for someone suffering from situational depression, but it can be remedied through God's gifts of prayer, Bible study and application, support groups, fellowship among believers, confession, forgiveness, and counseling. We must make the conscious effort to not be absorbed in ourselves, but to turn our efforts outward. Feelings of depression can often be solved when those suffering with depression move the focus from themselves to Christ and others.

Clinical depression is a physical condition that must be diagnosed by a physician. It may not be caused by unfortunate life circumstances, nor can the symptoms be alleviated by one's own will. Contrary to what some in the Christian community believe, clinical depression is not always caused by sin. Depression can sometimes be caused by a physical disorder that needs to be treated with medication and/or counseling. Of course, God is able to cure any disease or disorder. However, in some cases, seeing a doctor for depression is no different than seeing a doctor for an injury.

There are some things that those who suffer from depression can do to alleviate their anxiety. They should make sure that they are staying in the Word, even when they do not feel like it. Emotions can lead us astray, but God's Word stands firm and unchanging. We must maintain strong faith in God and hold even more tightly to Him when we undergo trials and temptations. The Bible tells us that God will never allow temptations into our lives that are too much for us to handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Although being depressed is not a sin, one is still accountable for the response to the affliction, including getting the professional help that is needed. “Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that confess his name” (Hebrews 13:15).”

There are so many different directions that I can go from here, but I think that for someone who is suffering from depression, there is nothing like time spent alone with God and scriptures to read and speak aloud daily to help you to overcome the state you are in. Here are a few that have helped me during moments of intense sadness and depression:

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance. …For You are the God of my strength…” (Psalm 42:5, 43:2 - NKJV).

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."
-Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" (Romans 15:13 - NKJV)

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy; meditate on these things” (Philippians 4:4-8 - NKJV).

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:6-7).

"We are hard pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18 - NIV).

One more thing that I want to talk about is Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. It is a real disorder with sometimes debilitating symptoms. I want to dedicate one more day to giving you information about depression and I will be talking tomorrow about SAD. Please read tomorrow to see how you can overcome this disorder if you suffer from it and how you can help others as well.

The "D" Word

2010-01-06T18:51:00.001-08:00

THIS IS A PARTICULARLY LONG POST, BUT IT IS VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION, PLEASE READ IT THE WHOLE WAY THROUGH............

It’s a dirty, dirty word but I feel the need to talk about it anyway. DEPRESSION. Here’s some statistics to get started:
*Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults 18 and over.
*Everyone will, at some time in their life be affected by depression…their own or someone else’s
*Pre -schooler’s are the fastest growing market for antidepressants. Over 1 million are clinically depressed
*30% of women are depressed
*54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness
*41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help
*80% of depressed people are not currently having any treatment
*92% of African American males do not seek treatment
*15% of depressed people will commit suicide
*Depression will be the second largest killer after heart disease by 2020
*10% of pregnancies result in Post Partum Depression
*In the U.S. alone, businesses may spend anywhere from 12 to 70 billion dollars caring for or paying for the medical expenses of employees that have depression

Wow! That’s some pretty serious stuff! So why am I writing about this? In all of my reading, I have found that most medical experts agree that there is a very strong link between obesity and depression. The main point of disagreement is the age old question-Which came first…the chicken or the egg? There is some debate about which causes which and there are also contradicting statistics, but the one thing they are able to agree on is that there is definitely a link. Again, why am I writing about this? I have personally been affected by depression. It first presented as Post partum Depression (PPD) after the birth of our second son, Ezra and then recurred after the birth of Hezekiah. I was diagnosed and treated by my doctor on both occasions. Since their births, I have battled this ugly disease, going for months with no symptoms and then suddenly out of the blue it reappears. During the process of being approved for the Lap Band surgery, I had to undergo a psychological evaluation in which the doctor performing the evaluation deemed me “psychologically sound” to undergo surgery. This was during a particularly good stretch of time. In the last few months leading up to my surgery, I started to struggle once again. After my husband and I talked at length, we decided that it would be best for me to see my doctor and to possibly go on some medication particularly because of the stress I would be under after the surgery. After seeing my doctor, he agreed. I am still currently taking the medication. I am telling this part of my story because I am not ashamed to admit that I struggle from this disease. Too many people, women in particular, suffer in silence and sometimes terrible things happen. Unspeakable things. I did not want my family to suffer because of me. To be honest, I was afraid. I’ve heard all the stories. I’ve listened to the news. I know all about what can happen to women with PPD who go untreated . I loved my family too much not to seek treatment. If you are one of those women, don’t wait any longer. For your sake, for your family’s sake, get help. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. And if your not one of those that suffer from depression, please learn the warning signs and be diligent in monitoring those you love, especially those at high risk for depression. This includes women and men who are under an unusual amount of stress, women going through menopause, expectant and new mothers, those with a family history of depression, those suffering from a chronic illness such as diabetes, someone who experiences the death of a loved one or the breakup of a romantic relationship.
Diet also plays a key role in the prevention or management of depression. Making sure to get the proper nutrients your body needs is key. A deficiency in essential vitamins and minerals can contribute to depression. Antioxidants such as beta-carotene, vitamin C and E are essential for the body also. Sources of beta-carotene include apricots, broccoli, cantaloupe, carrots, pumpkin, spinach, and sweet potatoes. Vitamin C rich foods are blueberries, broccoli, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, peppers and strawberries. To get a good dose of Vitamin E, nuts and seeds, vegetable oils, margarine and wheat germ. Also limiting sugary foods and opting for smart carbs such as whole grains, fruits, vegetables and legumes is essential. And last but certainly not least, eat a diet high in protein (which we already know is great for weight loss) . Protein rich foods include turkey, tuna, chicken, beans, peas, lean beef, low fat cheese, fish, milk and yogurt.
I know I’ve covered a lot of information today. But it is important information to know. If I can leave you with anything it’s this…depression is an illness that many people suffer from and there is help available if you seek it out. You don’t have to suffer in silence. There are many things you can do to combat the effects of depression. Thanks for reading today and I hope I’ve helped someone.

Hunka Hunka Burnin Bum

2010-01-05T18:52:00.001-08:00

Whew! My bum is burnin! But not to worry, it’s not the kind of burn that requires Preparation H. My lovely husband decided that it was time for me to do more than just a cardio workout so he made me do quite a few exercises for the posterior part of my body and I’m feelin the burn today! He had me doing squats, stiff leg dead lifts, some ball exercises and seated chess presses. Oh my, just the names of those exercises makes it sound like I’m training to be a body builder, doesn’t it? But I used very little weight, just enough for some resistance. I trust him, he knows what he’s doing. I know in the long run I’ll thank him, but today is not the day for that. With every laugh and cough today, I’m discovering that I really do have some abs under all that flab! Oh the pain, the pain! Every muscle in my body is aching. Something really exciting that I’ve discovered though is the exercises with the big ball. I had one years ago but got rid of it in one of my cleaning frenzies. My boys have this ball that they got from Wal Mart that is just the same size as the ones at the gym, and I’ve been using that for some abdominal exercises. I love it! And the best thing is I can do it in the comfort of my own home and I didn’t have to spend any money for some piece of equipment. It’s amazing how you can use what you have and still get some exercise. I remember reading in a magazine one time about how busy moms can still get in some exercise. One suggestion was to use soup cans as hand weights. In between laundry and vacuuming, you can do a few sets of bicep curls or tricep extensions. Also, while your cooking dinner at the stove or doing dishes, you can do lunges or squats or those famous kegal exercises. You could even use your baby for some incentive during push ups. You lay your baby on their back on the floor and when you get into your position to do sit ups, position yourself directly above the baby. Each time you lower yourself, you reward yourself and your baby with a kiss! Now that’s incentive to keep going! I wonder if I could get really creative and come up with some more things I can do at home just using normal everyday things around the house. Any ideas? Hmmmm, I’m gonna have to think on this one. But for now, I need to go soak in a tub with some Epsom Salts. I feel like an old woman!

Fish Face

2010-01-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

You can just call me “Fish Face” from now on. Why? you ask. I’ve fallen in love with a new food that I never liked before. Tuna. Yuck, you might say. I used to say the same thing. But now that I’m limited in what I can eat I’ve found a new appreciation for some foods. And tuna is one of them. I don’t eat it plain, but I love it mixed with some celery, a hard boiled egg, fat free sour cream, and just a tad bit of mustard. Add some salt and pepper, and it’s almost scrumptious! The best part about it is that it’s packed with protein! I am discovering over and over again the power of protein. One ¼ cup serving of tuna alone has 13 grams of protein! That’s a lot. And then when mixed with the hard boiled egg, that’s 7 more grams. Holy Canoli! That’s huge! Even though I only have 2 days left of the “soft foods” stage of my post surgery diet, I can guarantee you that tuna will continue to be a staple for me. I love it! I had it for dinner last night, lunch today and then dinner again. But there’s just one thing…..Note to self: remember to brush your teeth after eating tuna before attempting to give your husband a big wet sloppy kiss! I’m just sayin!

Labels

2010-01-02T19:11:00.000-08:00

I admit it. I never read food labels before. I didn’t care to know how much fat, calories, carbohydrates, sugar and protein was in the food I was eating. All I needed to know were 2 things….Did it taste good? And did it satisfy my craving at the time? If it fell into one of those categories, I ate it. It’s as simple as that. But shortly before my surgery, I slowly started reading the labels in anticipation for what I knew I would have to do afterwards. It started out just checking how much protein was in something because that was the main requirement that my doctor gave me. I knew I would have to consume 50-60 grams of protein per day. And admittedly, I only did that because I knew I had to, not because I wanted to. But something has happened to me since I’ve been weighing myself and seeing the number on the scales go down and down and down. I’ve started to want to know what I’m putting in my body. You know the old saying, You are what you eat? There’s some truth to that. I ate foods with lots of fat in them and I was umm, well, let’s just say…..FAT! What I’ve discovered in this new obsession of mine is that sometimes if you just make small changes, they can add up big time! For example, we used to use the Great Value brand of butter flavored pancake syrup. I did the switch gradually, first changing to reduced calorie, then finally to sugar free syrup of the same brand. My family never noticed the difference. Here is the difference in the nutritional information for ¼ cup serving size. Calories….regular syrup-188, sugar free syrup-35. Carbohydrates….regular syrup-50g, sugar free syrup-11g. Sugar….regular syrup-27g, sugar free-0g, These numbers add up in the long run.
I’ve made another small change as well. For the "soft foods" stage that I’m on right now, one thing that I’m allowed to have and that I love is chicken salad. I’ve been having it every day for lunch. But what is the main ingredient in chicken salad other than chicken? Mayonnaise. Anyone knows that mayonnaise is high in fat. So I’ve made a compromise. Again, I did this gradually. I am now using fat free sour cream instead of mayonnaise. I started by taking away just a little bit of the mayonnaise at a time and adding more sour cream until I was using the sour cream entirely. Here is the nutritional breakdown for these two…Hellman's’s Real Mayonnaise and Great Value Fat Free Sour Cream
2 tablespoons of mayo has 180 calories. The same amount of the sour cream has 25 calories. The mayo has 20 g of fat and the sour cream 0. The mayo does have less carbohydrates than the sour cream at 0 for the mayo and 6 for the sour cream. The mayo however has no protein and the sour cream 2 g. So you can see overall the sour cream is much healthier. And honestly, your not sacrificing flavor. I know this is the boring stuff, and if I were reading something like this before surgery, I would have just skimmed over it, not paying much attention, but now that I’m on the fast track to a healthier me, this is very interesting to me. And I hope it is to you too. My hope is that if you get anything out of this, it’s that there are little changes that we can make every day to be healthier and make better choices. Better choices for ourselves and our families. It is my goal to teach my children while their young the value of eating healthy so that when they are adults, they don’t have to go through some of the same struggles I have. Remember, just one small change each day can lead to a lifetime of health! Read your labels!

He Bottles My Tears

2010-01-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

It’s Friday night (the only way I know this is because I just checked the calendar to be sure) and I haven’t done my hair, put on makeup or been out of my pajamas since Monday when I went to the gym. I mean I’ve taken a shower every night after I put the boys to bed, but somehow the next day in the busyness of taking care of 3 boys I never managed to find enough time to myself to get dressed and put myself together. I ddn’t expect my week to be like this. I had plans a couple times, but they never happened. Oh, there was that day when I went outside with the boys for 20 minutes to build a snowman. I forgot about that. This sucks. I can really feel a difference this week in my mood and energy level. I guess this is what the book my Dr. gave me was referring to. It has been 3 ½ weeks since the surgery, so I guess this is what I should have expected. I just thought somehow that I might skip this period of my body adjusting to the extreme restriction in calories. I’m wondering how long it will last. And to top it off, I somehow managed to pick up this cold that all 3 of my boys have had. I feel horrible. And you know, I don’t feel like anyone understands. I have acquaintances who have gone through this surgery, but no one close enough to really talk to about the ugly stuff you go through after. And none of them had a family to hold together afterwards either. It was just them and their spouse. I have only regretted, I mean truly regretted the surgery once since having it. Well, now twice. Today is one of those times. I just keep thinking in my head that if I could have just shown some self restraint in my food choices and more motivation in working out, maybe I could have done it without surgery. I don’t know. Maybe I could have, maybe not. But it’s done now. There’s no going back. No use in even thinking about it. It’s just that I’m so tired. So sad. Oh God, I hate this! I need your help if I’m going to make it! This is not how I wanted my new year to begin. This day was supposed to be full of joy. Full of hope for the future. But instead I’m wallowing in self pity. And bawling my eyes out. And making enough snot to last a whole year! I wish my husband were here right now. I wish he didn’t have to work tonight. I want him to just scoop me in his arms, hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. But he’s not. It’s just me and the computer. And God is here somewhere. I know He is. I just can’t feel him right now. But I’m not going to give up. I can’t. If it were just me, I might. But it’s not. I have my husband and my 3 boys to keep me going. So for them I will. I won’t give up. I’ll push through this and I will survive! And tomorrow will be another day. And hopefully a better one! For now I’m going to go read my bible and maybe I’ll feel God speak to me in His still small voice reminding me that He has never left me and He never will and maybe that will be enough for me for tonight. And maybe, just maybe tomorrow I’ll get out of my pj’s and get out of this house!

Psalm 56:8 (The Message)

You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.

Bye Bye Bye Bye My Baby (FAT) Bye Bye

2009-12-31T16:08:00.000-08:00

I’m not a country girl. And I’m really not a country music girl. I much prefer urban gospel as my style of music to jam to. But the other day when I weighed myself, I remembered a song from way way waaaay back in my B.C. years. That’s Before Christ for those of you who aren’t well versed in “christianese lingo”. I’ve lost 19 lbs. That puts me at the exact weight that I was before I became pregnant with Ezra almost 3 ½ years ago and then with Hezekiah almost immediately after. Now, I certainly was overweight before becoming pregnant, but those two pregnancies took their toll on my body. No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t shed those extra pounds that I put on. The “baby fat’. Until now. And this brings me to the song I was talking about. This being the last day of 2009, I’m finding myself getting all nostalgic and if I could think of an anthem to end my year with, it would be this…..Bye Bye Bye Bye My Baby (Fat) Bye Bye! The song is by Jo Dee Messina and I looked it up on Youtube and found the lyrics. While she was referring to a lover in this song, it spoke to me in reference to the weight I’m leaving behind this year and hopefully so much more in 2010. So, here are some of the words to the song. I’m changing some of them to fit my current situation……

…Well it's been long enough
Time is up…

Bye bye FAT, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
I ain't never lookin' back. And that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine ....
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye

Don't think all those tears are gonna hold me here like they've done before
You'll find what's left of us in a cloud of dust on highway 4

I've seen the light...

Bye bye FAT, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back, and that's a fact.
I've tried all I can imagine ....
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye

Bye bye, I'll catch you later
Got a lead foot down on my accelerator and the rear view mirror torn off
'Cause I ain't never lookin' back.
You can count on that.
Bye bye, bye bye my baby FAT, bye bye

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

http://

You Talkin To Me?

2009-12-30T18:39:00.001-08:00

I know I’m not the only one that this has ever happened to, but has anyone ever been in church and you felt like there was no one else there but you and the Pastor? Like he was talking just to you? I ‘ve had these experiences before and this past Sunday, Dec 27,2009 was one of them. I think I’ll never forget it. My pastor, Pastor Greijack was talking about the Christmas story, but in a way I’ve never thought about it before. He talked about Mary. About the circumstances in which Jesus Christ, our savior came to this earth. He was born in a stable! There were no doctors or midwives, no epidurals, no medical equipment to monitor contractions. Just Joseph and Mary on a dirty stable floor and the moonlight shining through the walls. It was a labor of love. Can you imagine the pain and panic that swept over them? Can you wrap your mind around it? Can you imagine if that was the circumstances in which you had to give birth? I cannot fathom it. But Mary knew something. And so did Joseph. They had a promise. They had a dream! And so they had great courage and faith in their Heavenly Father! Have you ever been given a promise from God? Have you ever had a dream that you know was placed inside of you by Him? And have you ever had the circumstances around you work against that promise and that dream? I have. I am experiencing it now. I’ve only spoken this dream out loud to just a small handful of people closest to me, but I figure I’ve already made myself pretty vulnerable already so I might as well go all the way. It has been my desire since I was in 6th grade to be a published author. My passion is writing. If I was smart, I would have pursued this desire after high school, but I had other things in mind at the time. So now here I am, 31 years old with no training in this area. I know it takes more than training, it takes talent. And I believe I have that, but the fear of my lack of training and education has held me back. There’s that dirty four letter word again…FEAR. But this past Sunday, I felt hope rising. Courage taking root. At the end of the message, our pastor said something that struck a nerve deep within me. What I have inside of me, this desire, is from my Daddy. He started it and birthed it and He will finish it! HE’S my baby’s daddy! Right before the birth of something extraordinary is usually the greatest obstacle that you will face. But just like Mary, even though the circumstances didn’t seem right for her to birth this miracle that was placed inside of her, the circumstances around me don’t seem right for my dream to come true. But she kept walking. Her and Joseph, hand in hand until they found the stable. And this is what my pastor said that struck a nerve within me. I’m just supposed to keep walking. And while I’m walking, God is working! Keep walking. Keep writing. He’s working! I’m about to give birth to the greatest miracle of my life so far. And I’ve had some pretty incredible miracles in my life. But nothing is impossible for God! I want you to be encouraged too. What’s your dream? What do you feel God has placed inside of you? It’s not impossible for Him to fulfill it! I’ve listened to this message from Sunday 5 times today and each time, I feel my faith rising. I say YES LORD to your will for my life. Whatever it is in this area, let it be done!

Listen to the message for yourself. It's titled Pain and Panic

http://http://www.freshfiremedia.mypodcast.com/

I've Got A Case Of P.M.S

2009-12-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

I'll just say up front that the chaos of this blog post is indicative of the mood I'm in. I can't quite get these pictures where I want them, so I'm just leaving them where they are. Hope they make you laugh anyway!

I've had a bad day and I've got a case of P.M.S. You know, "Poor Me Syndrome"

I haven't been able to clean in awhile and I cleaned all day today. I mean ALL DAY! I started at 9:00 this morning, worked all the way through lunch and naptime, stopped at 6:00 to sit down for a few minutes, then went to the grocery store and now at 10:00 tonight, I'm still not finished.

I'll just be honest. I feel like crap. Is an Elder's wife allowed to say that word? Well I just did! I've been a grouch all day and I've taken it out on my whole family. I don't think they even want to be around me right now.

Anyone else ever had a day like this? A day when you can't stand even to be around yourself? That's how I feel. I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head and forget this day ever happened.

And I want some comfort food! Cheese curls, chocolate, potato chips, Krumpes donuts, a Big Mac and some fries, a pepsi, some spaghetti.......Anything! But noooooo, I'll have to settle for my little 1/2 cup of applesauce!

I told you in the beginning that I was going to share my good days and bad, so I'm sharing a bad one with you today. How about lets toast to a better day tomorrow, huh? Cheers!

S.W.E.A.T

2009-12-28T19:05:00.001-08:00

I have this thing about sweat. I hate it. It’s gross. I hate how I feel when I sweat. But tonight it felt so good! I was able to exercise for the first time since my surgery. I wanted so bad to get on the elliptical and see if I could just jump right back in where I left off 3 weeks ago, but I’m still on restricted activity, so I walked on the treadmill instead. I walked for 30 minutes at 3.0 miles per hour for a total of 1.5 miles. And the sweat felt good. While I was walking, I couldn’t help but look around the room and see all the different people there. There was quite a mix of people all at varying degrees of fitness and health. There were, of course, the macho jocks trying to impress whoever would notice them, middle aged men and women just trying to shed some of the excess holiday weight, thirty somethings, young teenagers and of course, the thorns in my side since I started exercising 2 years ago…..the skinny girls. You know, if I’m going to be really honest, I don’t like them. They make me feel intimidated, inferior. But then I got to thinking, I don’t know what price they have paid to get to where they are. And their journey is not my journey. So, as hard as it was to do, I just started focusing on myself and how far I’ve come already. As I looked down at my feet, the realization came to me that each stride I was taking was bringing me one step closer to where I want to be. And that made me feel proud. Maybe one day I’ll be a skinny girl too and maybe I won’t. And you know, I’m ok with that. But one thing I will be is healthier than I was before. But I don't think I'll ever get used to this sweating thing!

Confessions of a Chocoholic

2009-12-26T17:01:00.001-08:00

I’m coming out of the closet today. Yes, it’s true… I’m Andrea McCall and I’m a chocoholic. Now my secret is out. I love chocolate. All humans need air to breathe, water to survive and food for nourishment. I need chocolate to stay sane. Some medicate themselves with Prozac, some take Paxil, and some even use Zoloft, but I eat chocolate. Milk chocolate is my favorite, but in a pinch, I’ll eat any kind. And I’m not a chocolate snob either. It doesn’t have to be Ghiradelli, Hershey, or Nestle. Generic brands will do just fine. And when mixed with peanut butter, it’s divine! This being said, eating chocolate became off limits for the time being after surgery. I’ve done fine until now. I think it’s because of all the cookies, pies and cakes I’m being surrounded by during the holidays, but I’m having some serious withdrawal symptoms. So, I got creative without cheating. I am allowed to have sugar free, low calorie hot chocolate. I checked. It’s on my list of foods/drinks I can have. This morning I got my ingredients together to mix up my trusty protein shake and I had an idea. I grabbed a packet of my Swiss Miss Sensible Sweets Diet hot chocolate with added Calcium and Vitamin D (with only 25 calories per serving) and added it to ½ cup of fat free milk, 6 oz of artificially sweetened vanilla yogurt, 1 ½ scoops of protein and 4 ice cubes and got to mixin! The anticipation was killing me! Would it work? Would it satisfy my craving? I always like to put my shakes in the freezer for a few minutes after I mix them to thicken them up just a bit, so I did that and stood impatiently, looking at the clock for that 5 minutes to end. When it was time, I pulled it out, stirred it up and took a gulp………Ahhhhhhhhhh……I was in heaven! The most delicious thing I have tasted in weeks! It was so good. It tasted just like a triple thick chocolate milkshake from McDonalds. Pure genius! All is well in my world again!

Bittersweet

2009-12-24T11:14:00.001-08:00

On Christmas Eve, I had my first taste of "real" food in 15 days and I have to tell you, it was bittersweet. I know I'm crazy, right? The full liquid diet that I was on was horrible and I was so glad to be over with it. I couldn't wait for this day to arrive. But now that it's here, I'm kind of scared. It was easier for me to stay motivated with the liquids because of the weight coming off. But now that I've started on the "soft food" stage for the next 14 days, the Dr. said this is when the weight loss can slow down. And then when I begin eating regular foods on Jan 7, it could be as little as 1-2 pounds per week. I know that's a healthy weight loss schedule, but I'm afraid that I won't stay motivated with it. I've got a lot of people on my side and so many friends and family pulling for me, which feels like a blessing and a curse at the same time. A blessing for obvious reasons, but a curse because of my fear of failure that I mentioned in the very beginning of this blog. I was so excited to have my scrambled egg with cheese for breakfast and 1/2 cup of turkey salad for lunch, but now when dinner drew near, I wanted to go back to liquids so...I dunno....so I wouldn't feel like I was "cheating." Does that sound strange? Maybe it's just me, or maybe you just have to be in my shoes to fully understand. I'm not sure what I'll do. I think I just need some chocolate to help me think straight! KIDDING!!!! I'm so afraid I'll overdo it. When I had that first taste of real food, I could feel myself wanting to lose control. I wanted to eat and eat and eat! I didn't want to stop after that 1/2 cup was gone. I could feel that I was full. I've learned what that feels like in the last 2 weeks, but still I wanted to eat. Before the surgery, I don't think I really ever ate because I was hungry, or stopped when I was full. I ate just to eat. I ate because it was "time to eat" at meal times, or when I was lonely at night when Tom was at work and the boys were in bed. I ate because I was emotional. I ate because I love food! Oh, Lord I need you more now than ever before. The temptation is so great and my resistance is failing. I feel like an addict craving just one more hit. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know we all struggle with things, but why did this have to be my lot in life? Why did this stupid food addiction have to be my area of weakness? And why can't I stop thinking about food? If your reading this, it means your interested in what I'm going through and your probably pulling for me to succeed, so would you please just breathe a quick prayer to heaven for help and strength to come to me? Thank you!

Sweet 16!

2009-12-23T13:26:00.000-08:00

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was my 16th birthday and not even the rain (my birthday is in April so it ALWAYS rains on my birthday) could dampen my spirits. I was young, carefree and I thought I was in love! My boyfriend who was 3 years older than me brought me roses

and surprised me with matching Baltimore Orioles t shirts and a home game at Camden Yards. We had a great time blowing money on hot dogs, sodas and peanuts. I was a good christian girl and he was a good christian boy so at the end of the night, we exchanged a quick kiss and said goodnight.............

.

October 16, 2004. The first time I heard her voice. Carmen, Judah's birth mother sounded so nervous and unsure of herself. But she was firm in her decision to give her unborn baby a better life. We thank God every day for the difficult decision she made...............

It was payday and only by a miracle from God, we were able to pay the entire mountain of bills we had accumulated. Every last one of them...paid in full! We had $16 left in our checking account, but we were rich as far as we were concerned...............

Ahhhhh, There's nothing like it in the world! It's something I treat myself to occasionally when I've had a bad day or just feel like a little pick me up.
A 16 oz. fountain drink all to myself! Mmmm mmmm good...........

16 years, 16 days, $16, 16 oz. None of these "16's" are the 16 I'm most happiest about in my life at this moment. It's the 16 lbs. that I've just shed that makes me want to shout from the mountain top! I did it! I really did it! I made it past that 15 lb. marker that I could never make it past when I've tried all those countless diets in the past. What a sense of accomplishment I'm feeling today! It kind of makes all those tears I've cried all worth it! I made it! 16 sweet sweet pounds!!!!!

I Want A Cookie!

2009-12-22T18:11:00.000-08:00

My neighbor from across the street who has Master, the dog whom my boys love brought over a huge and I mean H.U.G.E. platter of cookies this evening. We were all upstairs in the boys room watching a movie when we heard the knock on the door. I was already in my pajamas for the night, so Tom went to answer it. After I heard it close, I curiously made my way down the stairs to see who it was. And then I saw it. I promptly turned myself right back around, walked back up the stairs to my bedroom, shut the door (I didn’t slam it this time!), flung myself on my bed, buried my head in my pillow and began sobbing! “Why, oh why did I choose to have this surgery?” “And why did I choose to have it NOW during the most difficult time of year to eat healthy?” Of course I already knew the answers to these questions, but in that moment, all logic went out the window. I chose to have this surgery because I’ve tried everything else with no results, mostly because of my own lack of self control, and I chose to have it now because of insurance. We’ve already met our deductible for the year and if I waited until the beginning of the year, we would have to pay significantly more than we did by having it now. But like I said, all logic was lost. I’ve done so good. But today was hard. Not just after the cookies, but earlier. I think it was because I was feeling somewhat stressed, but I really, really, really wanted something sweet to eat today. I was having a hard time concentrating on anything else except for my craving for something sweet. Then I visited my mother in law, who on my way out the door, went to her freezer and pulled out a coconut cream cake to give to my husband. It’s one of his favorites. I don’t even like coconut but hey, it was something sweet and that’s what I wanted. I made it through watching my family chow down on that cake after dinner. I made it through the rest of the evening. And then the cookies. I wanted to explode! I even said to my husband, “Do you think I could blend one of those up in my protein shake?” He was unenthusiastic about that idea. Now, as I’m sitting here typing this with tears streaming down my cheeks, the cookies are mysteriously absent. They are nowhere to be found. I looked for them when I came back downstairs after putting the boys to bed, but I couldn’t find them. I think Tom took pity on me and did something with them. He’s doing everything he knows to do to help me and I appreciate that more than words could say. But oh how I really want a cookie right now!

Dirty Dishwater

2009-12-21T21:08:00.000-08:00

While I am recovering very nicely and I am no longer experiencing pain or discomfort and my incisions are healing very well, I still have some restrictions from my doctor. This being said, my husband is still doing most of the household chores like vacuuming, laundry, bathing the boys and putting them to bed, and of course, dishes. It’s not that doing dishes is strenuous and I certainly am allowed to do them at least, but the problem is that we don’t have a dishwasher and my largest scar is precisely at the place where the kitchen counter meets my waist. So, it is uncomfortable to say the least. And because my wonderful husband cares so much about my comfort, he continues to do them. Isn’t he sweet? I really have nothing to complain about, except that I have this pet peeve. When the dishes are done, I always immediately let the dish water out, rinse the suds down the drain and wipe the sink. My husband does not share this pet peeve with me. And it annoys me, irritates me, plucks my nerves, rubs me the wrong way…you get the idea. The dishwater could sit all day long for all he cares, he’s a man and I’m pretty sure that most men don’t care about things like that. Like I said, I’m not complaining. I have several friends who would absolutely fall over in amazement if their husband did half the things mine does around the house. Trust me, I know how blessed I am. But I’m just making an observation. On one particular evening, I came downstairs around 10:00 to get a sip of water and I was greeted with this sight! I was disgusted! Dinner and dishes were over hours ago and the water still remained in the sink. Spaghetti is what they had for dinner. I think that my pet peeve came from an incident that happened to one of my sisters, Marie. She left dishwater in her sink all night long and in the morning when she reached down to let the water out, she felt something squishy. When she pulled it out, it was a mouse that had drowned overnight in the water! Can you believe it? She never did that again! And if I was a betting woman, I’d bet that after reading this, you won’t either! Hey, maybe I need to remind my husband of this story one more time!

The Pants

2009-12-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

I have this pair of pants. They are my most favorite pair of pants that I own. There’s just one thing…I’ve only worn them twice. I got them on sale at Old Navy right before I found out that I was pregnant with our second son, Ezra over 3 years ago and I’ve never been able to fit back into them since. Until today. I was standing in front of my closet, trying to find something to wear to a Christmas party tonight when I saw them hanging there. For a split second the thought crossed my mind to try them on. Then I thought “Nah, it’s too soon. I can’t wear them yet." Then I got curious. I wondered how much longer it would be until I could wear them again, so I thought I’d just try them on and see. Can you imagine the exhilaration when they not only slid easily over my thighs, hips and belly, but then I zipped them up with no trouble at all! If I could have, I would have done a cartwheel at that moment. I nearly squealed in delight! As a matter of fact, I think I did. I called for my husband to come see, but he was changing a dirty diaper downstairs. I got too impatient for him to finish, so I nearly floated down the stairs to show him! My son, Judah said… "Oooh Mommy, I like those pants! Do girls wear pants like that too?" I laughed. They’re camouflage. He’s never seen me in them. All of the boys have a pair, but they’ve never seen mommy wear them before. I hugged him and said, “Yes baby, girls can wear these pants too! “ I sauntered back upstairs to take them off to get a shower and then I remembered something. I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for this party all week long. It’s an annual family/friends party that I look forward to each year. Except this year is very different. I’m still on an all liquid diet, so I couldn't eat any of the food that was served. I even made a pasta salad and brownies to bring, but I couldn't eat that either. I spoke with a friend this week who had gastric bypass surgery several years ago right before Christmas just like I did and she was telling me about the emotions that I might go through during this time, especially if I have parties to go to where there will be food. I prepared myself for maybe having to take a timeout in the bathroom to shed a few tears and maybe even cry on the way home. My plan was to make a point to talk to every single person in attendance at this party. I wanted to work my way around to everyone so I wouldn’t be focused so much on the food. But I had something to keep me smiling. Each time I was tempted to have a moment of regret for having the surgery at this particular time and each time I had just a twinge of sadness over not being able to eat, I looked down at my pants and smiled! Thank you Jesus for giving me something to smile about today!

Bottoms Up!

2009-12-19T21:52:00.001-08:00

In order to meet my new requirement of 50-60 grams of protein per day, protein shakes are and forever will be a part of my daily routine. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about that. I mean there are some really good protein powders and drinks available on the market now and it isn't hard to find them at a reasonable price either, but I've always been the kinda girl who liked to eat my meals, not drink them. But I knew this when I made the decision to have the surgery, so I'm living with the consequences now. The boys are even getting the hang of mommy drinking her protein shakes now. Their used to daddy drinking them, but now I am too! So far I've purchased a vanilla flavor and a natural flavored one that is supposed to not have any taste so you can add it to things like soup and not have the sweet taste, but that's not the case. It's yucky! Blech! I like the vanilla flavor because you can add so much to it. Today I added sugar free Boston creme pie flavored

yogurt to the protein powder along with milk and a few ice cubes and yesterday I added sugar free orange cremesicle flavored yogurt. So, I'm getting the hang of it. But like I said, I'd much rather eat my meal than drink it. Nonetheless, every morning I faithfully make my shake and say these words....Bottoms Up!

How Often Do You Do IT?

2009-12-18T18:04:00.000-08:00

I never realized how much I did IT until these last 2 weeks when I couldn’t do IT anymore. Oh how I’ve missed doing IT and oh the pleasure IT brought me! Will I ever be able to do IT again? Come on, you know you do IT too. If you’re a mom, you have to do IT. It’s a rite of passage. You know what I’m talking about….finishing the food left on your child’s plate when their done eating!!! What did you think I was talking about? You know they never eat it all, and sometimes you just can’t stand to throw that food away. After all, you know how hard you had to work to earn the money to buy that food, right? But have you ever stopped to think how many extra calories your adding to your daily intake when you do IT? Stop and think about it for a minute...Your child brings you their cereal bowl after breakfast with only 2/3 of it eaten, so you eat it and drink the milk -100 calories. You decide to treat your 3 boys to lunch at McDonald’s and after you finish your double cheeseburger, small fries and coke off the $ menu, you finish 2 chicken nuggets from the oldest one, 1/4 of a hamburger from the middle child and 20 fries that your littlest didn’t eat. You’ve just eaten 2 meals from one of the most unhealthiest fast food places there is to eat! And then it’s dinnertime. That roast, carrots and potatoes just didn’t go over so well with your kids, so you finish just a little bit off of each plate. Afterwards your stuffed, but oh well! At least you didn’t waste any food, right? Now are you getting the picture?
So, how does one person get to be 10...20.....90 lbs. overweight? Just one extra bite at a time, that’s how! Think about it!

What's Your BMI?

2009-12-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

When I first heard the words “morbidly obese” coming from my doctor’s mouth referring to me, I was speechless. I mean I’ve heard that term before and I’ve even watched those shows on TLC like The 600 lb Man and others like that, but I always thought of someone that was morbidly obese as being at least 300 lbs or more. And I certainly wasn’t anywhere near that. But then I found out how all of that is determined and it’s by calculating your BMI (body mass index). Calculating your BMI takes into account your height and your weight and it got me thinking….if I was shocked to find out that I fell into that category, how many other people have no idea where they fall. So I want you to do something. Not for me. But for you,. I want you to go to http://www.caloriecontrol.org/healthy-weight-tool-kit/body-mass-index-calculator and enter the numbers and find out your BMI and what category your in. I’m pretty sure that many of you will be surprised, maybe even shocked at your results as I was. And maybe it might inspire you to do something about it as it did for me before it’s too late. This is serious! This is our lives at stake. It not only effects us, but our husbands, our wives, our children, all those who love us. So please do this for yourself.
I had my first post-op appointment with the surgeon who performed my surgery yesterday. I was astounded to learn that I had lost 11.5 lbs. in the first week after surgery. I was even more happy and excited to find that I no longer fit into the morbidly obese category. I am now considered obese. Still not near where I want to be, but it’s the first step! What is your BMI?

It's All Good

2009-12-16T18:13:00.000-08:00

I was able to get comfortable enough to snuggle in bed with my husband last night for the first time since surgery 1 week ago and it did my heart good! Especially after reading what I did last evening. During my last pre -op appointment with the Dr. they gave me a booklet that they said would be my “bible” for the time leading up to the surgery and in particular after. Tons of info that I needed to know was contained in this booklet. I read it, but somehow in the busyness of raising 3 boys, I managed to miss 2 entire sections. Very important sections. Things I needed to know. I was reviewing some of the info last night when I discovered these sections. They contained things like….When I begin eating a regular diet about one month after surgery, I should always avoid foods containing sugar, but foods containing artificial sweeteners may increase hunger in some people. Significant constipation is to be expected but I can’t take fiber in a pill form because it can swell in the stomach pouch and cause blockage. Sometimes you can develop a red meat intolerance and you must wait 3 months after surgery before attempting to eat steak. I should no longer take ibuprofen, Motrin, or Advil because they can cause an ulcer. I’m only allowed to take Tylenol for pain. 2 to 3 weeks after surgery, some patients experience a significant drop in their energy level along with irritability or mild depression. This is caused by the body’s attempt to conserve energy as much as possible in the face of severe calorie restriction. This usually lasts a few weeks. Fabulous! (that’s my sarcasm coming out in case you didn’t notice) Like I need a drop in my energy level. I already had a hard time keeping up with the demands of raising a family. And the kicker was this…A high percentage of patients get divorced within the first two years after weight loss surgery. I’ll say this right away. I’m not accepting that. My husband and I have a strong marriage that is rooted and grounded in Christ and were fully committed and dedicated to each other through the good, the bad, and the ugly. And sometimes, the very very ugly! So this time in our lives is no different. But still. I didn’t need to read that to put doubt in my mind. When I read that, I kept it to myself until Tom put the boys to bed, and then I laid it on him. We talked, I cried, he reassured me, we prayed. And then we snuggled. Life was good once again. I love this man!

Step Right Up To An All You Can Eat Buffet

2009-12-15T21:14:00.000-08:00

I sat up with a start as my breath caught in my throat. There was darkness all around me. I looked to my right and to my left and breathed a sigh of relief as I saw the alarm clock glaring back at me. 3:08 a.m. Whew! I laid my head back on the pillow, wiped the sweat from my brow and breathed a sigh of relief. It was just another dream. Another stupid dream. I’ve been having a lot of them lately. And they are all the same. In each one I’m surrounded by ridiculous amounts of food and I’m gorging myself while others are watching in disgust. In this one, I was at the Kelsh’s annual Christmas Eve party
at their home. I got the sense that my family was there too, as we always are, but I didn’t care where they were during this particular stretch of time. All I cared about was the food. And there was lots of it. I mean lots. Inside and outside, upstairs and down. The grill was going outside, there was BBQ chicken, hot dogs, burgers, shrimp kabobs. A cotton candy machine was going. And inside, the same. Cakes, pies, brownies, crock pots full of food, meatballs, cheese platters, soups, casseroles, a turkey, an array of dips, you name it. It was there. I had a plate and it was loaded with food so that it was almost falling off, but I just kept piling more on. People were trying not to stare, but it was hard for them. There were whispers, snickers….And that’s when I woke up! What is wrong with me? Why can’t I find rest even in my sleep? Am I subconsciously afraid of what people think of me? Have I ever been at a social gathering where I had too much on my plate and people looked at me in disgust? I’m usually careful. If you look at me, it’s obvious that I’m overweight, but I always tried really hard not to overdo it in front of people. I’ve always saved it for when I’m alone. And that got me wondering. Are other people the same way? Do others do things that are not particular "sinful" but they would only do it when their alone like, maybe..... overeating or picking their nose or "letting one rip?" Haha, did I really just write that? It must be the lack of food and sleep affecting me now. I guess we all do things like that, huh? Would anyone care to admit it? Hmmm......who's brave enough to tell me? Anyone? I'm waiting......

Today I cried

2009-12-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today I cried for the first time since my surgery 5 days ago. Actually I’m quite surprised that it took this long considering my tendency to shed a tear at the drop of a hat. I cry when I’m happy, sad, angry, irritated. You name it. I’m an emotional person by nature. That’s just the way God made me. Anyhow, it’s been 6 days since I’ve had anything solid to eat, and well....I'M HUNGRY! The doctor doesn't do the first adjustment on my band until 6 weeks post surgery so for now my stomach is basically the same size it was before surgery. The strained fat free cream soups and sugar free jello just aren’t cutting it anymore. I was attempting to sit down to enjoy my ½ cup of watery fat free cream of potato soup while the rest of my family ate their normal lunches that I used to be able to eat. I was on my third phone call of the day, trying to get some appointments scheduled and get some things accomplished. You know... multitasking. Things moms manage to do every day. The boys were interrupting me and I couldn’t concentrate. I was getting irritated. I’m not sleeping well, I can’t seem to get comfortable no matter what I try and I’m sensing just the slightest bit of agitation coming from my husband. The sympathy is finally wearing off and he’s getting tired too. It just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to leave the room. I went upstairs, slammed my bedroom door like a hormonal teenager and the river started flowing. It felt good to get it out. It was like poison coming out of me, the frustration and feelings of sadness of what I’ve given up to gain a better me. And then the coughing started. Oh great! I’m quite familiar with what coughing can do to someone whose just had abdominal surgery being that I’ve had 2 c-sections. Oh the pain! I tried to just let out little coughs, but noooooo they were coming out like hacking, coughing up a lung kind of coughs. I grabbed my little 4 ounce cup of water that I was allowed to have by my bedside to take a drink and finally it subsided. I collapsed onto my pillow, exhausted. And then it came over me. Peace. The knowledge that everything is going to be alright. Just in the nick of time Papa came through! I slept for 2 solid hours, not tossing and turning once. And now as I’m writing this, it’s 10:00 at night and I’ve made it through one more day!

Say Cheese!

2009-12-14T13:48:00.003-08:00

It was 3 days after my surgery and it was time for the boys to eat lunch. My husband, who has taken a week off from work to take care of me, the kids and manage the household was in the kitchen preparing their meal. While he settled them into their seats at the dining room table, I quietly made my way into the living room to avoid the torture of watching them eat. At this point, I was only on the 2nd day of a 14 day all liquid diet to help my body recover from the surgery. The boys were happily munching away on their grilled cheese sandwiches and “gasp!” my all time favorite salty snack…Gibble’s Cheese Puffy’s! I did all I could to avoid hearing the crunch crunch of those little cheese coated bits of heaven. I flipped through a magazine, I turned up the volume on the t.v., I fiddled with ornaments on the Christmas tree. I was doing alright. I was managing to keep myself under control until………………..all 3 boys finished at the same time and they all wanted their hands and faces wiped simultaneously. Tom, who was doing his best to keep the cheesy madness under control, needed my help. I bravely walked into the dining room and grabbed a wipe. I reached down to begin cleaning Ezra’s hands and face when all of a sudden time stood still! It was just me and those cheese infested hands calling out to me! The urge was so great. I could barely resist it. I wanted to lick the cheese right off of his little fingers and before I could help myself, I blurted it out…”Ezra, you don’t know how bad mommy wants to lick your fingers right now!” Oh how he giggled. He’s 2 and these things amuse a 2 year old. So, do you know what he did? He held his little sin-filled hands up to me and said “Lick em, Mommy! Lick em!” How dare he? Does he know what pain I’m in? I was able to maintain composure and assured him that I was just kidding and somehow I managed to get him cleaned up and sent him on his way! This left me reeling! How could I be so addicted to a food as to only be 5 days without it and wanting to lick my child’s fingers just to get a taste? I’m reminded of the scripture in the bible... Mark 7:27 and 28 But Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.
And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children's crumbs.
I was reminded once again that if I’m going to make it through this journey, it’s going to be only because of Jesus and His strength in me! Let us pray……..

Baby I'm On My Way

2009-12-13T20:47:00.001-08:00

On December 9, 2009 at 12:40 p.m. my wish for a better life was granted. The nurses wheeled into the operating room a woman who has tried all there was to try and still remained overweight. Morbidly obese is the medical term they used. Who me? Morbidly obese? No way! you might say. Yep. That's me. Or at least for now, but not for long. An hour and a half later, they wheeled me out, a woman with hope! I underwent the Lap-Band surgery - Not to be confused with Gastric Bypass surgery, there are many differences. In this procedure, the surgeon made four small 1/2 inch incisions and one larger 3 inch incision and laproscopically inserted an adjustable band around my stomach while keeping all of my organs in tact. This band, creates a smaller pouch for my food to flow into, remaining there and keeping me full until it slowly goes through into the larger stomach area. The band is adjustable with saline injections.

OK, so that's all the technical stuff you need to know. If you'd like to learn more, visit http://www.lapband.com/

My hope in creating this blog is to bring awareness and to share my journey with as many as will follow. I'll be sharing my ups and downs, my good days and bad. With just a little bit of humor, I hope to bring to light the plight of many Americans...food addiction in varying forms and of course, overeating. I'd love to get lots of feedback, particularly if something I share touches you in some way, or even makes you chuckle. I'm not sure how long this journey will take or if I'll ever be "finished" with this weight battle, but I'm opening up and making myself vulnerable. I hope to document this whole process so that someday I will be able to look back and just "remember". I'd love for my children someday to be able to read this too and maybe gain some insight into why their mommy is the way she is.

So, with much prayer and much thought.....BABY I'M ON MY WAY!!!!!